I really hate Asperger's

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Had a therapy appointment today. We discussed why women probably found me unattractive for so long. I really hate having Asperger's. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wish I didn't feel like such a loser for not being able to get a date and a girlfriend for so long. Did I say it-I really hate having Asperger's.

I hate my Aspergers traits as well. I don't have all of them, but the ones I do have make my life miserable. I hate how obsessive and immature I am.

I think of Asperger's as being a double-edged sword.

There are advantages and disadvantages.

Unfortunately, people tend to concentrate on their disadvantages.

Professor John: I reiterate LOL: it's probably that you wouldn't have met the woman you love if you were "successful" with girls in the past.

But I might have met another one I would love. I don't know, I just wish I had better memories of the past, or that I could get some ECT so I would have no memories of the past.

Maybe it´s not really your Aspergers that causes it. Maybe it´s the way you look like and/or the way you dress. Some practical advice on approaching women or just giving yourself the chance to loosen up without expecting anything out of a conversation may do wonders for you.

Talking about something that is not going well in life only results in the underlining of how badly things are going for you. It's just making things worse. Your therapist needs to stop talking about how badly it is going and giving reasons why it would never happen. He* needs to give you solutions and help you achieve your goals.

*Disclaimer: He can also mean she in this case.

But you're a good egg who looks good in a chef's hat.

Obviously, I don't know the substance of your past--but it seems as if you to only remember the bad aspects.

It is quite possible that your "bad past" was what led to your "good present."

I have a belief that when one is "honky dory" all the time--that all this "honky dory-ness" will catch up to them. Thus, they will suffer later instead of earlier. In my belief system, when one is "able" to suffer earlier, one is able to better learn from the "suffering" The memory of the "suffering" is what keeps people grounded--and happy.

We do try to discuss ways to get over it in therapy. I probably don't characterize my sessions that well. It is hard to deal with how I thought people were stigmatizing me even if they really weren't. It was really hard to be so different from others.

Right now is really tough. My father has died, one of my best friends has died. I have to go to both of there funerals next week. I have to go deal with my sister who is completely grief stricken, who I have never been that close to, because we are complete opposites. She is a nice person, just very different than me. I can never tell if she is mad at me or not. She is handling my Dad's estate, I will be walking on egg shells all week hoping not to piss her off so she cuts me out of the estate completely. She probably wouldn't, but I let my anxiety run wild from time to time.

You're going through lots of stuff right now.

This could account for your pessimism.

If I were going through similar stuff, my attitude towards life might not be so great, either.

However, I believe it is useful to maintain an objective perspective amid a subjective crisis.

I have a relative with cerebral palsy. I'm grateful that when the universe was randomly distributing neurological characteristics I got Aspergers and not CP.

Just got back from the Aldi's near my house. One of the assistant managers there seems interested in me. She is pretty hot. If I weren't married, she would probably be the first one I would be too scared to ask out . Maybe I have been able to talk to her and get to this point because I know that nothing can come of it so I am more relaxed.

I wish I had learned how to approach females and make them attracted to you 30 years ago when I was graduating from high school and when many other guys seemed to know how to do that. How did they learn this stuff? Why didn't I learn it?

I know one can't go back and change the past (at least until one owns a Delorean and a flux capacitor). However, one can maybe fantasize over how it might have been different. Probably not real useful to do, but I guess it might preserve one's sanity at times, or drive one more towards insanity.

You dislike this dubious-labeled thing called Asperger's because of your interactions with females ?

I don't think you should base your life & your worth on female-companionship, but if it bothers you that much, I can tell you of my past-experiences that had eventually lead up to me become a real womanising player, and being quite confident that I can seduce very beautiful girls when I want, then perhaps you could start on the road into being a player/womaniser who seduces many of those beautiful ladies for yourself, too !

inb4youpeopleclaimthatiamoneofthose(andiquote)'rare'aspieswhoknowhowtoplayntgirlslikepuppetsintohavingsexwithmewithoutresistance

What would be better to base it on?

That largely depends on you and what you want to accomplish in life that could potentially contribute to an improvement of society or at the least fulfill your aspirations of what kind of career that you feel that you would like to achieve.

A student of mine one asked me before: « What is the meaning of life...? »

I answered something like...: « You give meaning to your life based on your pursuit of things that make you want to live and to continue to be alive whilst you take meaning away by removing & eliminating those same reasons »

For example, suppose someone would feel happy from being able to travel around the world internationally, teaching the kinds of things that I know to various audiences, and to be able to do it in various different languages, then that person will have meaning & happiness & fulfillment as he moves closer & closer towards his goal of becoming multi-lingual via studying multiple languages, then praticing his presentations via mini-seminars until his audience & following/readership grows enough, and the sheer « fame » that comes about from such activities would also open a lot of potentially « social » opportunities (such as getting exposure to more women who find him potentially interesting).

Also, I wouldn't automatically assume that women don't have any interest in you, for recently there was this young girl who actually bothered to create her forum-account & respond to one of the posts that I made on another forum-community, and she had actually originally read my stuff from like over an entire year or two ago, and now we've actually been exchanging e-mails with each other fairly regularly lately (I suspect that she could even qualify as being an Aspie based on our dialogues with each other thus far). They may simply not have the courage to approach you in the similar manner to how many Aspie-males do not have the courage to approach females (I was also incredibly « popular » back in the « high-school » portions of my life, but despite that, not one girl ever approached me to ask me to dance with them, except for this one who was already part of a group that dragged me along with them in a group-setting).

Ultimately, you give meaning to your life, and if you can think of the best-case-scenarios that would make you want to continue to live, perhaps due to the extra amounts of freedoms/advantages/opportunities that said « path » may open up for you, then that becomes your « meaning » for your life, and that you should try to actively pursue said goals & accomplishments. Even at this « old » age (profile-age over-powered), with all of this « youthful-vitality » that I have recovered (from learning about many life-secrets), and my frequent « act-like-a-fun-loving-kid/teen-whilst-within-adult-body » projections, I end up having practically so many women & young girls falling into my lap now that I basically have to shut myself in my room and even put security cameras up everywhere in order to fend them all off so that I don't end up finding some girl hiding in the trunk of my car wanting to just jump out & start boning me or trying to force herself on top of me for sex (and it's easier to have them « juggled » when not all of them can see you at the same time but I think one of them who has frequent on-line sex-messaging with me might be a bi-sexual so perhaps I could just get her to help some of these other girls satisfy their sexual-desires so that I have more free available-time to be able to play games & get other work done instead of being pulled into always having sex 24/7).

Probably that last sentence of mine will sound absolutely unbelievable, and that I was just getting carried away with wanting to talk about myself as-if though I were some sort of sex-object for the ladies that I've mentioned, but I am merely speaking from personal-experiences, knowing that girls are often mis-understood or often actually « accidentally » give you the wrong impression that you are not attractive. From my experiences with the female-gendres, I have noticed that they frequently do put up a front that's designed to ward off boys, but that is largely because they're just trying to ward off & filter out any boys who are not so genuinely interested in the girl that he would just leave her the moment he thinks that she might find other men more interesting, rather than risking to commit any kind of emotional-investment into someone who's so willing to so quickly & easily dump her over the idea that she's no longer attractive to him for any variety of reasons. I used to do this myself, actually, but for different reasons, intentionally ignoring the girls back in the day, with an insane internal-rule that I just wouldn't be willing to open myself to any ladies even for a mere hug until at least a year had passed by since we had initially first met or learned about one another, and yes the girls always gave up on me after somewhere around 3 months or 6 months & got themselves a boyfriend during that time (even though I could have been the one to be their boyfriend had I bothered to talk to them, extend my hand out to reach for their hand, then take them with me to a private location where we could have proceeded to have sex).

Keep in mind that some or perhaps even all of the girls you encounter may be yielding to such a similar internal-rule that I had followed for several years before I « out-grew » its self-imposed restrictions. Back then, I was under the impression that, because I was « completely 'saving' myself » entirely for one girl, for even the activity of my very first « hugging » activity to be exclusive to her and only her (and by choice I did not hug any girls until I was 24 and no grown girls who were at least in their teens or older until age 26 [I did lose my virginity at the age of 27 with someone's wife, who was in her 30s, but she was still damn hot, and had the appearance of a 19-year-old]), that in my mind, I had this kind of a rule in place with the idea that I was trying to ensure that it would be a girl who needed me most that I was willing to accept, just in case there was some girl who, like myself, was also waiting for the same (from experience, though, I can tell you that you are going to do a hell of a lot of waiting around if you think that you should hold out for a girl whom you think might actually deserve you). Therefore, you are not necessarily unattractive, but rather, they may simply not be ready to approach you yet, even if they wanted to interact with you (and in the case of excessively social females, I advise you to not even bother wasting your time, you will not likely be compatible with them anyway, and the question then becomes: Why would you do that to yourself ? Trying to pursue a relationship with an average NT-girl into marrying you is like trying to get a Fundamentalist-Christian to partner with a Fundamentalist-Materialist-Atheist, and will not result in your happiness).

Hopefully you manage to actually « get » something 'useful' out of at least something that I've posted.

Nothing that meaningful or profound. I would be happy to just quit feeling like I was a loser for a good portion of my life.

I already have a meaningful career and have done well in it. I wish I could say that is enough for my ego, but it isn't. No one wishes more than I do that I could say "yes, I was unattractive and most people thought I was a loser, but screw them, look where I am now!" I just can't feel that way over my career.

Very well, then since you have a successful-career, you should also have a lot more resources & freedoms available to you than the average person, for such things like International-Travel, visiting new locations, unless of course your career is tied to keeping you « married » into having to be in one particular location.

I don't know how much spare-time your career allows, but if you really want to start getting attention from the female-species (I cannot guarantee that it will only be limited to humans though), then I will reveal one of my most-effective « secrets » for you to try, but it is absolutely going to require the necessary effort on your end:

Buy yourself some dumbell-weights if you don't already have them or at least some weighted wrist-wraps & ankle-wraps. Each and every single day, both in the morning, and in the evening, grab those dumbells (a minimum of 5 pounds each starting out), find an area with several flights of stairs if possible (this is best done in high-rise-buildings that have a stairs-area), and run up & down those stairs for as many flights as you possibly can. The goal here is to be able to reach at least 100 flights of stairs worth of doing this every single day. I don't know how physically fit you currently are, and I most-certainly hope that you eat well (more on this in a video-seminar after this paragraph), but if you can do just this ONE thing every day (i.e.: running up & down at least 50+ flights of stairs each morning whilst carrying dumbell-weights), I guarantee you that you will end up receiving attention from females. I am not going to bother trying to explain the « science » behind this because females are NOT « scientific » creatures (but I have made enough of a « science » out of womanising & paying attention to certain correlations and know for a fact that this works and is something that I still use myself even to this very day).

Regarding your physical-health, I assume that you have the ability to be able to afford the best, due to having a successful-career, but just for good measure, here is some additional information that may be of importance to being able to pull off that of which I have advised unto thee...

Losers are people who deliberately cause trouble for other people. If your sincere intention is to make someone happy, then you can't be a loser.

I understand that sometimes people inadvertently make others unhappy, but you would only be a loser if you truly should have known the consequences of your actions, and fail to take preventive steps the next time.

Don't be so rough on yourself. There are plenty of losers in the world but I haven't seen anything in your posts indicating you are one of them.