I really hate Asperger's

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I also hate living with Asperger's, I feel it has taken so much of my life, but the good news is that researchers are working on finding effective treatments everyday. You probably won't have to live with it forever.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope you do find happiness, good luck!

I would deal with the grief you are having from multiple deaths for now, and put off dealing with Asperger "deficits" and females issues until you mentally recover from these deaths.

Got through the one funeral for Dad today. Currently the Asperger's deficits aren't causing female issues as I have been married for 15 years now, and seem to have a pretty good marriage. There is another woman who seems interested in me and I find her attractive as heck, it is kind of really bumming me out that I can't let anything become of it. I can't believe that 2 women might find me attractive, that never seemed to be a problem before.

I just wish I could get over the regret for having a somewhat dismal dating life in the past, and not feeling like others were really looking down on me for it, and not feeling like I missed out on all sorts of great stuff. I guess someday maybe I will really come to believe that was all necessary to end up where I am today, but I sure wish I could be where I am today with better memories of the past.

Had to see some people from my graduate school days yesterday at a funeral. It reminded me of what a loser I was socially back then, and what they probably thought of me.

I still really hate having Asperger's and don't think I will ever get to where I don't extremely hate it.

It used to be, when I saw people that I knew from my past, it reminded me of what a loser I was in the present. I rarely though about what a loser I was back then.

Fortunately, these days, I don't dwell on those things anymore.

How did you overcome all of that?

I suppose, just by accepting what and who I am. It was very difficult. As I was brought up the exact opposite. I had to learn to ignore that.

You guys are probably luckier than me. I have Cerebral Palsy, Asperger & Psoriasis. Life is not too good right now, my mom died 2 years ago, I'm still having a very hard time with her loss & learning how to live without her, we were very close. She took care of me after I turn 21, I lived with my mom for 37 years. I moved out & lived on my own for 6 years, my mom paid my rent & bills. I moved back in my mom's house & living with my sister & her son. Me & my sister are selling the house, she want to move 4 hours away & I want to stay & live in my town. I may not be able to live in an apartment, apartment owners don't like renting to disabled ppl & I have no credit. I don't really get along with my sister most of the time, she don't understand me & belives me. There are 2 great things in my life, feeling my mom is with me & helping me, & the other is my cat.

How were you brought up? I don't think I ever mentioned my upbringing but maybe I did.

Kitty4670

Sorry to hear about your problems, that would be really tough. Some towns have apartments especially set up for people with disabilities. Maybe yours does and you could a place to live there, as long as they allow cats ! Cats are probably the most therapeutic animal.

I do hope things get resolved for you soon. I am not particularly close to my sister either, but will probably need to be as we settle up my Dad's estate. She lives 800 miles away which doesn't help any either.

Oops. I suppose my choice of language was poor. I wasn’t intending to compare my upbringing to yours.

Rather, I was simply suggesting that my parents were not altogether receptive to accepting what and who I am. They wanted to fix me. They wanted me to be like their friend’s children. This was true, when I was a child. This was also true, when I was an adult. And this made me feel like sh*t. I felt like even more of a loser, when my attempts of “fixing” myself flailed. In retrospect, that approach did have some positive benefits (as it pushed me in directions that were way outside my comfort zone). But, at what cost. Anyhow, fast forward to the present -- with a better understanding of who and what I am -- and I am much more accepting of the fact that I am not a loser. Rather, I am just different. I have learned to ignore them (my parents) as well as others who advice and opinions (while perhaps appropriate for most people), simply does not apply.

Another way to say this is as follows. I have had a paradigm shift in terms of what is important. And, things like “being socially successful” is no longer something I concern myself with. This is sort of a ramble. I need to think about this a bit more, so I can write something a bit more coherent.

My parents were much the same. I always heard "Why can't you be more like ......". They constantly pushed me to be more extroverted, even though that is not how I am. Nothing I ever did was good enough for my father. I did end up doing very well academically but I don't place much value on it because our culture doesn't place much value on it. I wish I could make it seem more important to me so I feel better about myself.

This sounds just like my parents. In fact, up until several years ago, I always figured I was f*cked up, because of my upbringing.

With that being said, I now realize how fortunate I am that my parents pushed me so hard. I shudder to think where I would be today, if I were left to my own devices.


I think each of us come into this world, with various strengths and weaknesses. I believe it’s important to recognize and appreciate those strengths you have. Equally, it’s important to not dwell on those weaknesses. This has been a key life lesson (for me) during the past two years.

It is probably a good thing my sister picked the nursing home for my Dad, I might not have placed him in as nice of place. I don't know if they pushed her like that also because my Dad would generally do it to me when we were by ourselves. I never talked with her about it, we aren't that close.

In many ways it did make me feel defective and not very good. I think I would have excelled in academics anyways, as that was just a strength for me. I was telling someone just a few minutes ago how I found both college and graduate school to be very easy, even up to getting a Ph.D. It did get me a good job, not a very good love life.

I just wanted to second this; there's usually both good AND bad points to it, but as Kraftiekortie says, it's soooooo easy to focus on the bad ones.

I'm generally in a pretty good situation myself, BUT, when one of the unpleasant aspects of the whole thing fires up, it can be REALLY aggravating and frustrating. So during that happening, it becomes easy to focus on the bad.... while focusing on the GOOD doesnt really seem to happen even though plenty of good is there. This of course doesnt really make any sense when you think about it, but that seems to be how alot of people view things. The negative just STICKS in your mind and you think about it constantly, but the positive, even if it's REALLY positive, is just sorta.... there. You dont think about it too much. It just IS.

Also, something like meeting girls or whatever... dont forget, plenty of NTs have TONS of problems with that too. Simply not having Aspergers or whatever would not necessarily fix the problem. For all you or I or anyone else knows, it could somehow make it WORSE.

I hate having it too. I hated it since the day I was diagnosed with it, and my feelings about it still hasn't changed to this day.

It's so hard because social anxiety holds me back from finding a new job, but the only way to get real support is having my shame being told to everybody (bosses, co-workers), and I don't want that either. It's just so hard to accept. I am too bitter about it. It ruined my childhood, ruined my chance to make friends, made me so lonely, and made me feel stupid and unimportant.

This is hard to explain, but despite being diagnosed and affected by it in unfortunate ways, I still feel like I'm almost entirely NT, but off by just a teeny bit. And that teeny bit is so hard to pinpoint. I mean, I've always found recognising body language and other non-verbal cues very natural, and also I can understand jokes and sarcasm right away, I understand my own feelings and other people's feelings, and I know how to tell white lies at the right time and so on. I'm in a relationship with an NT man, and I don't need a guide book to understand his NT-ness in general. He has his own odd ways, but everybody does. But his general ''typical'' NT traits are something I don't need to be educated on.

So there you have it. I have a lot of NT (typical human) traits what a lot of Aspies lack, but I still find it hard to make friends. Well, I can make acquaintences quite easily, but not close enough to be invited out. Interaction with other humans is very important to me, so my mystery unability to have as much (friendship) interaction with people has always been the cause of my depression.