Page 5 of 6 [ 82 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

drybones
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2008
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 313
Location: UK

16 Sep 2010, 6:59 am

Yes. I do have this problem. But its not with all names :? I've thought about it a lot too hoping to find some sort of connection/answer to why this problem exists but no luck. Its just another one of my life's puzzles I hope to solve before I die



clumsybee
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 398
Location: Syracuse, NY

16 Sep 2010, 7:29 am

I do my best to not address people by their name; it always ruins a conversation when I try to because the name comes out in a weird tone when I try to say it. Most of the time I can get away without saying their name, though.



Kaybee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,446
Location: A hidden forest

16 Sep 2010, 8:53 am

This is very interesting. I wasn't aware that it's an aspie thing.

I have always had trouble calling people by name. I'm terrible at remembering names, as many have mentioned before me, but even when I know the person's name, I hate to say it. It feels intimate and somehow threatening to do so. Every time I address a person by name, I feel as though I'm "putting myself on the line," and that they must surely recognize this (but, of course, they don't).

It is also a shock to hear my own name, because it is just a sound, and, though I am able to intellectually make the connection between that sound and myself, it feels unnatural and strange. I find it particularly difficult to think that people associate this sound with me, as though the two are synonymous. Which is especially strange, since I find the sound of other people's names to be synonymous with who they are. It's also a shock to hear my own name because of the intimacy factor--if me saying a person's name is intimate, then another person saying my name must be intimate as well (or so it seems to me).



kx250rider
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,140
Location: Dallas, TX & Somis, CA

16 Sep 2010, 10:09 am

Kaybee wrote:
This is very interesting. I wasn't aware that it's an aspie thing.

I have always had trouble calling people by name. I'm terrible at remembering names, as many have mentioned before me, but even when I know the person's name, I hate to say it. It feels intimate and somehow threatening to do so. Every time I address a person by name, I feel as though I'm "putting myself on the line," and that they must surely recognize this (but, of course, they don't).

It is also a shock to hear my own name, because it is just a sound, and, though I am able to intellectually make the connection between that sound and myself, it feels unnatural and strange. I find it particularly difficult to think that people associate this sound with me, as though the two are synonymous. Which is especially strange, since I find the sound of other people's names to be synonymous with who they are. It's also a shock to hear my own name because of the intimacy factor--if me saying a person's name is intimate, then another person saying my name must be intimate as well (or so it seems to me).


This is exactly, and I mean EXACTLY how I feel... Couldn't have written a better description myself. I never knew what it was, other than shyness, I guess. It feels very weird and uncomfortable. I'd rather just break into whatever I want to say, and not use any names.

Charles



leftyswin
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 99

16 Sep 2010, 3:44 pm

I actually remember peoples names just fine, but I never call someone buy their name. I just can't do it. Once someone pointed out that I never say their name when I talk to them and I tried to start, but it just felt weird. I've once heard some saying that people love to hear the sound of their own name. As far as I can tell, it seems to be true. But I just can't ever bring myself to call someone by name. The only exception is if I need their attention for some reason. But I cant say, "Hey _____, whats up?" to anyone.



Mdyar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516

16 Sep 2010, 4:22 pm

For some reason I wince( internally) when I do this . :huh:



Fluke83
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 147
Location: Norway

16 Sep 2010, 4:42 pm

Wow, another thing I never knew was "off" about me!

I also find it uncomfortable using peoples names, especially first names.

It feels too intimate, since it is a very personal one-on-one connection, me using my voice to say THEIR very personal name, the sound drawing their attention and focuses it on me.
It's a bit like eye contact, only auditory "eye contact". The intimacy thing is the very same reason I'm uncomfortable with eye contact.

I only ever call someone by name to get their attention though, and only if there is no other way of doing it.

I don't have the same problem talking ABOUT people using their name, it's only if they themselves can hear me.

I also hate those people who say your name several times in a conversation. Apparently that is a trick salesmen, HR people, therapists and such are taught to connect more to the person they're talking to.

Unless I like the person I feel somewhat violated by them using my name, same as with unwanted touching.. Blech...

Edit: clarification



Last edited by Fluke83 on 16 Sep 2010, 7:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Severus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 719

16 Sep 2010, 5:02 pm

Quote:
If I am trying to get someone's attention and they are far away I will move as quickly as possible to try to get close enough to them so that they notice me so I don't have to address them or yell to get their attention. If they are walking away from me I may follow them down the hall, even if I am fairly close to them.


Yes, that's what I do too. And if someone shouts my name across a room or, even worse, across the street, I get so annoyed that I feel I might hit the person. Not that I've ever done it, but I have to exercise all my restraint not to.



MizLiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 890
Location: USA

16 Sep 2010, 6:05 pm

Also, I don't like a lot of peoples' names. I think some parents are idiots. I mean... look at the names on reality TV. Holy hell. Are you a dog? A car? Then why am I calling you that?


_________________
What on earth do you think you are, if not a robot, albeit a very complicated one? - Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene


Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

16 Sep 2010, 6:11 pm

One reason I think it feels odd, is there's really no reason to use someone's name when you're having a conversation with them. They know who they are and presumably so do you. It's just pointless, IMO.



anjie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 84

16 Sep 2010, 6:43 pm

Exactly, it feels sort of phoney or disengenuos.



Kaybee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,446
Location: A hidden forest

16 Sep 2010, 8:08 pm

Fluke83 wrote:
I also hate those people who say your name several times in a conversation. Apparently that is a trick salesmen, HR people, therapists and such are taught to connect more to the person they're talking to.

Unless I like the person I feel somewhat violated by them using my name, same as with unwanted touching..


I agree with this. I'm aware of the tactic, but it has the opposite of the intended affect on me. It only makes me feel violated and and irritated at them attempting to manipulate me in a way so obvious that even I notice it.



MizLiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 890
Location: USA

16 Sep 2010, 11:18 pm

Aimless wrote:
One reason I think it feels odd, is there's really no reason to use someone's name when you're having a conversation with them. They know who they are and presumably so do you. It's just pointless, IMO.

This too. If its just the two of us talking (and with my ex it always was) then why do I need to use your name? We both know who you are.


_________________
What on earth do you think you are, if not a robot, albeit a very complicated one? - Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene


Severus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 719

17 Sep 2010, 2:23 am

Seconded. It's that simple but nobody ever seems to understand.



MizLiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 890
Location: USA

17 Sep 2010, 12:13 pm

I'm gonna go ahead and suggest NT narcissism.


_________________
What on earth do you think you are, if not a robot, albeit a very complicated one? - Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene


vintagedoll
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 81
Location: London, UK

17 Sep 2010, 2:55 pm

This is something I have always had a problem with. I've never felt able to address other people by their name. I don't have any problem calling our pet cats by their names, and I could call my children by their names when they were small, but it has become difficult and uncomfortable to do as they have grown up. It used to bother my parents that I never felt able to call them 'mum', 'dad' or even by their first names. It feels unnatural, really uncomfortable and perhaps too intimate and I have never been able to do it. It is a problem that I feel embarrassed, self-conscious and very emotional about and I get upset if anybody mentions that I never say their name or call them by their name. If I feel very emotional about somebody, or if they are an immediate family member, then it is difficult for me to say or write their name even when I am talking about them to somebody else. The more emotional I feel about them the more difficult this is.
I also find it difficult if somebody asks me my name because I don't like saying my own name. When I was a young child, if somebody asked me my name I wouldn't answer them. Like somebody else said, I didn't like the 'y' sound in my name. I also find it hard to sign my name on emails, cards and things like that. I think for me this is partly a self-esteem issue because I have a really negative self-image in relation to other people. It is hard for me to know how much my problems are down to this, and how much they are to do with having AS.


_________________
Sometimes it's the very people who no one imagines anything of, who do the things no one can imagine.
From The Imitation Game