Drawing a blank (self representation)

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"Draw a blank" = elicit no successful response; fail.

I am confused that I don't represent myself well. That in verbal conversation, I am frequently unable to communicate my strengths and weaknesses clearly, or my thoughts in general. For the most part, I do fabulous activities with my kids, I work hard and smart --- so when I am asked about these things, I draw a blank. Generally I deflect: "lots of things, how about you?". But I would like to more accurately represent myself. Do I have to script everything? Do have to say "hold on one moment..." while I visualize my house, or make a written list? Do I accept the limitation (what is it)?

Examples: At work, when asked what projects I am working on or my priorities, I draw a blank. Specific to my ASD assessment, when asked what I do in a day - I drew a blank (now I realize that visualizing my house might have helped). When asked about traumas, I drew a blank (and made a long list later). When asked what activities I do with the kids, I drew a blank (now I realize that visualizing venues might have helped). My thoughts are: so may things, where to begin? And then nothing comes to mind b/c I'm not doing (or seeing) those things right now.

Personal background: I am verbose; I like to talk. My self esteem is high in some areas (I am worthy) and low on in other others (I am afraid of criticism - how cliché). I tend to live in the moment.

I was also a bit of a quiet type. In group conversations, I alway found it difficult to inject my voice into discussions. It wasn't that I didn't have ideas, it was just too difficult to explain my ideas. But then around 18 years ago, I changed. It was after 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center, that I began to speak and make my feeling known.

One of the traits that I discovered is that I am far better communicating in writing than in speaking. Writing gives me time to cement my thoughts together.

Was the change directly related to the attack? Interestingly a high school friend of mine pointed out that I was super quiet and something made me "pop". I probably shrugged at him at the time, but I can see now it was three family crises that occurred within a year. I didn't talk about them, but it threw me out of my shell.

Do you find you can now effectively communicate? Although I started to talk (a lot), I am not so effective (yet). What helped you be effective? Simply practice?

Girl!! !! I relate, sister! I know exactly what you mean!! !

The funny thing is that depending on who I am talking to, I can be this amazing eloquent person. And with someone else, it’s like I don’t know how to speak. It could even be about the same topic. This has always bothered me, and I never knew why until now.....

I do much better writing than talking. And yet, I can talk a lot. Sounds like it’s contradicting..... I can’t explain.

And yes, I’m super verbose..... My psychologist says it’s a reflection of how my brain works. It’s crowded with lots of thoughts simultaneously.

My word finding issues and bad working memory don’t help either. I’m worse some days and better another days. This is so hard to explain! It’s frustrating.

Sorry. I don’t have great words of wisdom for you. Just relating to what you are saying....

I made the decision to step out of my box. Also another event took place. The Internet began to come online. I figured out how to program this new tool without any training and set up an early website. Because I provided a unique perspective, the website I created placed very high within new search engines.

Cool! There's something similar happening for me too (that's probably a stretch, but I like connections). Time will tell. Thanks for the input!

Yes, that's me.

For example, at work I can write down all my thoughts, then organize them --- put the most relevant to the other person in front (which I typically have written near last), and then take the least relevant information (some would say extraneous), put it way at the end after some space with "For My Information:".

Talking? Not so much. Interesting for you about different folks, same topic. I am sensitive to the degree of receptivity or import.

Somebody posted this link and it's worth looking at just for the initial pictures.
http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf