Autistic People generally do not desire friendships

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cberg
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11 Dec 2015, 3:25 pm

While I understand where you're coming from, having more or less been there, I can't support the generalization. I value nothing more. I'm one of those aformentioned aspies who parties, because nobody needs reasons or excuses to have fun and I think celebrations should be viewed as an inextricable part of life.


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Nambo
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11 Dec 2015, 3:56 pm

I would have said I like and need friends, but without living with another persons mind for a comparison, one may find it hard to know weather your needs and desires are the norm.
So I was surprised to read in my notes from when I was in care with the "Children's Society", the following about me :-

OTHER CHILDREN

Nambo finds the competition in group play rather difficult to cope with at this stage and he hasn’t much give and take. He has played a great deal with a boy called Nigel but finds it difficult to understand why Nigel likes his Father and not his mother when he likes his mother and not his father. Although these two boys have played well together, it is surprising when one notices the lack of feeling they have for each other. No emotions appear to be involved and it is as though they just use each other like tools.



Spiderpig
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12 Dec 2015, 9:12 am

Can you even desire what you don't know?


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12 Dec 2015, 9:16 am

I don't desire friends at all. In my opinion they are a waste of time. My special interests can fill the void.


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Rudin
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12 Dec 2015, 9:17 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Can you even desire what you don't know?


I don't think that makes sense, please elaborate.


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Spiderpig
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12 Dec 2015, 9:24 am

If you don't know there's a delicious cake in another room, separated from you by a wall, how can you wish to eat it? I've never known friendship, so how is it even theoretically possible for me to desire it?


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joshskuxx
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12 Dec 2015, 10:56 am

sorry but I think this is BS. I have social anxiety so its hard for me to make friends/make my friendships deep, but I do experience emotional connections with my friends, In fact I think that I get to emotionally connected to people at times. I enjoy sitting around and doing nothing with my friends and other people that I like, and I will take the time to see them instead of doing something that I enjoy. when It comes to sexual relationships I am even more emotionally connected. I enjoy just being around them, being loved/cared about by them and I enjoy the sex because of the pleasure (even though i haven't had a long term relationship or sex yet). I cant really understand why alot of people with asd dont want friends?
humans need to be loved and cared about by other people. i just dont understand how you guys could have no friends without being bored,lonely,depressed and suicidal. do you ever think about what your missing out on by not having friends? Do you ever think about dying alone with no one to remember you or miss you? dont you want to be included? dont you get bored doing things by yourself all the time? doesn't it depress you watching everyone else having fun with their friends?



Hyperborean
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12 Dec 2015, 11:09 am

This is a very complex subject. I agree with virtually everything that has been posted so far, and can apply some or all of it to myself. And I get the impression that other people feel much the same.



Qimera
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12 Dec 2015, 11:50 am

It's typically expected for children to interact and be part of a social circle right from the moment they're born. Most kids go through kindergarten, school and high-school - even college and university. Then they might get a job right after. The "circle of social" never seems to end.

Every time I come out of these situations I just get this intense feeling of relief. I suddenly don't have to be stressing about keeping my mobile charged, hovering around my email, waiting on text messages, dreading social gatherings, being all smiley and dealing with small talk and all that social stuff.

I wonder if those on the spectrum don't so much "not want friends" as are rather always in a state of stress and burnout with regards to social issues due to the stress of constant school or work and the inherent social complications therein.

We never have any personal downtime to really get a handle on how we really feel about being alone?

I avoid social connections when I've got school or work to deal with. I can't deal with work and social issues at the same time. Yet when I'm out of work and I've had a couple of weeks to "cool" then I do find myself willing to become involved in social interactions such as forums, etc.