Parents Possibly Uncooperative- Adult Diagnosis

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone,
Been lurking a while. First post here. I realized several months ago that I probably have Asperger's or high functioning autism. Life long social problems. Deep special interests, etc.

I am in the process of being assessed by a psychologist. I have had the initial interview and will have the neuropsych testing in a few weeks.

It's possible I am just being anxious, but I am worried that my mother, who is the only parent who I am on good terms with, may have withheld information or given slanted information during the interview with my psychologist.

She was going to come to my interview appointment, but at the last minute declined and spoke to my psychologist over the phone after I had left. She said she had written me a long email several days before the appointment, but it got lost and she couldn't recreate it. She wasn't returning my calls the week before the appointment or the three weeks since. I have told her I think she has autism like me based on similar symptoms. She is a professional and she may be afraid of having my diagnosis attached to her in some way.

She was in many ways a crummy parent when I was young, and she has thrown me under the bus on a few occasions when I have been older as well as when I was younger. I have taken steps to forgive her and help her let go of her guilt. Also, if she is autistic herself, she may not have a great idea of what is normal for children, anyways.

The testing process is expensive and I would hate to pay that much money only to have the psychologist tell me that they can't definitively diagnose me because what my mother said is not clearly indicative of autism.

I was deprived of oxygen at birth and subsequently had a seizure, which my mom did note, and which is consistent with autism. She said I was fine at having friends, and it just so happened that all my friends moved away and that's why I didn't have friends, which is not true. My kindergarten class had three girls and the other two moved to other schools, but that really doesn't explain me not having friends until I was 15.

Thanks,
Oxalis

A psychologist will probably see through that kind of stuff. If they are familiar with autistic people they're also likely to see the same signs in your mom that you're seeing.

Don't worry about it so much. People sometimes aren't diagnosed properly if they: aren't a man or are a transman, aren't white, or aren't from a Western country. If none of that applies to you, I wouldn't worry. As an adult, you probably have a pretty accurate picture of "what" you are, and your mom probably does too, although it doesn't sound like she's being honest with you or herself.

Keep going through this process and doing what you're doing to encourage your mom. If she wants to help, great, if not, I bet she'll eventually come around. I don't think she'll hamper what you're doing.

Well, I am not a man.

So you don't think she can get in the way of my diagnosis?

My husband was there to confirm all the special interests, etc. and generally to confirm what I was saying about myself.

would it be helpful to have your husband speak to the psychologist? He wasn't there for your childhood (unless you were childhood pals) but he can talk about your current state.

The other option you have is to discuss your concern about your mother with the psychologist.

One thing that psychologists tend to agree on (one of the few things!) is that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. Of course there are exceptions to this, as any 12-step co-ordinator can attest,
though change springs from within, a deep willingness to change and accept responsibility for past behaviours.

Your mother has thrown you under the bus, during your childhood and your adulthood. The likelihood of her repeating this seems high. The presence of your doubts hints at the fact that you have no good past reason to trust her. She may not like you, she may never have done so (if so, tells more about her than about you) or lacks good will towards you. Your perception about her greater concern for her professional reputation may be spot on; and if so, it is very unlikely that goodwill from you - whom she is characteristically disrespectful towards - will change her behaviour.

I always harbour doubts about these parents, who sabotage their children and adult children. It can be a narcissistic pattern, although it can spring from other reasons too. If the N pattern fits, then lies are another characteristic, and character assassination.. that's the worst case scenario.

Or she may just be self-centred and unconcerned about you and your well-being. Sadly some parents are, for a variety of reasons that are unfortunate but not pathological.

Talk the issue through if possible with someone you can really trust and who has observed your mother's behaviours. Two heads can be better than one. If the two of you agree that she is likely to distort things in ways not to your benefit, then discuss it with the psychologist, in as concise a way as possible, summarise the main aspects of it and your concerns.

Hope this all reaches a good conclusion for you and welcome to WP.

My assessment is tomorrow and my parents will not be involved. The psychologist says it is alright, it is easier with parental input but it isnt necessary.

Somewhat OT/Sidetrack, but just to point out that 12-step programs have been found to be no more effective than any other treatment type, including doing nothing. For instance, out of 48 treatments tracked AA ranked 46th in effectiveness.

That's what I was thinking!

I'd be willing to bet this isn't the first time the psych has encountered this sort of thing (what I mean is, different or fudged or simply forgotten behaviors, from the parent's perspective). Also, "odd" behaviors are often hidden by parents who don't want to admit that their children have them, and if she was somewhat abusive (as I feel you were hinting at in your post about being a "crummy" mother and throwing you under the bus), there's probably more than just your behaviors that she wants to hide.

I am very sure nearly any psych who has been practicing for any length of time at all has seen hiding behaviors many times before, will probably know why (at least roughly), and will be concentrating on you more than on your mother's answers. Indeed, during my sons' assessments they mistrusted my potentially slanted way of thinking (from the opposite direction - I absolutely adore my kids) so much that they also had the teacher do the same questionnaire...although from what I understand that's pretty much routine. So, IOW, it's basically assumed that parents may pretty much decide not to see certain things, and/or may see things that aren't there (i.e. over-worrying), and/or may simply see different behaviors at home than school or work might see simply because the environment is so different.

My parents were also not involved with my diagnosis. Just the tests as an adult alone showed that I have Asperger's, we had also talked about my upbringing, what I remember about being a child ect. And it all reinforced the AS diagnosis. Dodger

Please post a link to that research. I would like to evaluate the methodology.

I know this is an older thread, but I'm going in for my evaluation this week. I was curious to see how yours turned out. My parents will also not be involved in mine.

I think whether or not parents are involved in the diagnosis process, there is a high level of anxiety and different emotions before evaluation. I'm definitely feel that now.

I would be interested to know how your evaluations went, Oxalis and Illantonio.

I don't hear that much about what they do for adult evaluations. If you don't mind telling us what they did I'm sure I'm not the only one curious. Did you have to do a test, or did the person just talk to you? Was it a psychiatrist or counselor?

I am not Oxalis and Illantonio but I am an adult recently diagnosed by a psychologist. I was mainly sat down and questioned for a couple hours. Something called CARS was completed. I was also given an intelligence test verbally and my answers and how I delivered them were noted. She also interviewed my ex. Reading the report it wasnt always what I said but my mannerisms. They kept sending me to the waiting room alone. Apparently I was watched. Everything from the way I walked to what I did sitting there was observed.

My evaluation consisted of the MMPI (personality test). I also had a psychological evaluation including the RORSCHACH test and another test that consisted of looking at old photographs and telling a story (beginning, middle, end). About a week after my evaluations I had my feedback appointment. The psychologist went over data from the evaluation, but it felt like he was looking at it and reading it for the first time as he gave me my feedback.

When I went for my evaluation, the psychologist assigned to me at the time used the Mayes criterion developed at Penn State Milton S Hershey School of Medicine. Once I was initially diagnosed, a different clinician administered both ADOS module 4 and the Weschler battery. Any further studies that were done on me were part of a study I participated in at the department of cognitive psychology at the Johns Hopkins College of Medicine. That study consisted of what I call twitch tests, where I was fitted with a hair net with several hundred sensors, and was asked to press a specific button on a three button mouse to register a response on whether a stimuli was the same, or different, or related, as well as given the Baron-Cohen survey as well as tell a story from a picture book that was a bit bizarre (that book gave new meaning to the adage "when pigs (and toads) fly.", especially when I had these same strange nightmares, along with nightmares of girls I knew in the past that would try to get their hands in my pants, only to perform a procedure to whack off my schvance with a meat cleaver, while on Viibryd. (do you understand now why I'm so antipsychotic drugs? GOOD!)