Parents & The way They Treat Undiagnosed Aspergers Children

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alienobserver99
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29 Dec 2015, 4:19 pm

People, when faced with something 'odd' or someone displaying characteristics not in line or are not the accepted norm within society, tend to react negatively, whether it is in fear, disgust, or, most commonly in our case, with the intense need to 'normalise' the child, to reform the child! By repeatedly disciplining it to become 'normal'. Even though their intentions are, I suppose, good and to be helpful, they tend to do more damage.



Earthling
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29 Dec 2015, 4:21 pm

They don't know any better, it's how they were socialized. They are just passing on what has been passed on to them.



kraftiekortie
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29 Dec 2015, 4:32 pm

Indeed that's true.

It's difficult....because many parents just don't want to hear about the Autism Spectrum in general; they think it's a total stigma, which must be stamped out--by force, if necessary.

My mother tried to "knock it out of me" when I was very young.



LupaLuna
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29 Dec 2015, 5:45 pm

I didn't really have a problem with my parents as I have with one of my school teachers. I had this one teacher that put me through absolute hell. Not only was I sent to the principals office to get spanked( Yes, corporal punishment was used back then.), but he would humiliate me in front of the other students and encourage them to bully me.



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29 Dec 2015, 7:04 pm

indeed they don't know any better because they do not have the information about AS or autism or how different their child is. Some parents are smart enough to realize their kid is different so they try and seek out help for their child and embrace differences that are harmless. But mistakes are still made but that is true for all parents rather the kid is NT or ND.


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nick007
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29 Dec 2015, 8:46 pm

My parents have always been very critical of my Aspie quirks & issues even though they suspected me of having autism sense I was a toddler.


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SnailHail
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30 Dec 2015, 7:35 am

My dad and other adults would threaten to "beat some sense" into me. When I was young (5 -7) I had sensory issues when it came to getting a hair cut and they terrified me because of it, my dad would "solve" this by threatening to spank me if I didn't get in the chair and stayed still even another adult in the barbershop said they'd beat my ass if I kept "acting up" (I was having a meltdown). I guess I learned how to "cope" since a belt hitting my rear end at mach 1 would irritate me more than my hair cut which I wouldn't have to do in at least another 2 weeks.

My parents were mad at me for not socializing with the other kids or doing it in ways that wasn't considered acceptable. I really didn't see the big deal and I felt they were taking me for granted since I was pretty easy kid that stayed out of trouble and all the other kids to socialize with were pretty bad influences.



alienobserver99
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30 Dec 2015, 9:18 am

SnailHail wrote:
My dad and other adults would threaten to "beat some sense" into me. When I was young (5 -7) I had sensory issues when it came to getting a hair cut and they terrified me because of it, my dad would "solve" this by threatening to spank me if I didn't get in the chair and stayed still even another adult in the barbershop said they'd beat my ass if I kept "acting up" (I was having a meltdown). I guess I learned how to "cope" since a belt hitting my rear end at mach 1 would irritate me more than my hair cut which I wouldn't have to do in at least another 2 weeks.

My parents were mad at me for not socializing with the other kids or doing it in ways that wasn't considered acceptable. I really didn't see the big deal and I felt they were taking me for granted since I was pretty easy kid that stayed out of trouble and all the other kids to socialize with were pretty bad influences.



Very sorry to hear that. I was also forced into a situation like that. When I was a child my mother wanted to get my ears pierced and I had this ( now that I look back) irrational fear of sharp needles. So I was pretty much screaming for her to stop but she just ignored me and forced me to do it even though I was going into hysterics. :(



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30 Dec 2015, 4:09 pm

My folks didn't go in for corporal punishment much, but they did a lot of shaming: "What would the neighbors think? You're breaking my heart!" They loved to boast about me when i did well academically, but got really annoyed if I acted weird in public or refused to do things their way. Dad once told me to never speak to him again during a really bad argument.

Mom's all-time low was calling me a psychopath, that she couldn't talk to the rest of the family about me, and that she'd rather see me dead, when I came out of the closet. She's mellowed a lot since then but I can tell she's still pretty uncomfortable with anything nonconformist. She doesn't really care if I'm a Lesbian, since my brothers took care of the grandchildren quota. She just doesn't like me talking about it in public.

Mom's still a bit in denial about the ASD diagnosis at times, and keeps trying to attribute my social awkwardness and sensory issues to my being smart.


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lostonearth35
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30 Dec 2015, 4:22 pm

When I became a teenager my mother couldn't understand why I would rather stay in my room and role-play with my stuffed animals than hang out with other girls my age or why cartoons were all I seemed to care about. My parents used to praise and support my artistic talents when I was a kid, but when I became a teen they wanted me to turn to other interests that were normal, especially my mom. She actually would yell and lecture me for doing the things that made me calm and happy and didn't hurt anyone at all. One time I went to a dance at school. My parents acted almost as if this were some kind of miracle, although I got bored and had them come drive me home early. My dad was all like "You're finally growing up".

Funny how parents say how they can't wait for you to grow up, and then when you actually do, they get like Empty Nest Syndrome and junk. :)

My parents do feel badly about what they did in the past, especially my mom, since my diagnosis, and accept my oddities rather than try to change them. If only everyone's parents could be that way.



Ettina
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31 Dec 2015, 9:57 am

Not all parents do this. My parents saw me as a quirky gifted kid who needed freedom to be herself and should be accepted by society. They refused to get me assessed for autism because they didn't see anything wrong with how I acted.

They didn't understand some things, like sensory overload, picky eating and executive dysfunction, but mostly they raised me really well.



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31 Dec 2015, 10:48 am

After reading what you went through, I figure I'm almost a saint for the way I raised my own kids, who later turned out to be diagnosed Aspergers. Their individuality was very seldom questioned and I stood up to school authority figures who tried to scare it out of them. If I had known about AS, though, I would have worked harder on social skills and study skills, instead of letting them coast through high school on their strengths which didn't serve them well when they hit college age.

And I guess I don't have to be too mad at my own parents.


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31 Dec 2015, 11:59 am

alienobserver99 wrote:
SnailHail wrote:
My dad and other adults would threaten to "beat some sense" into me. When I was young (5 -7) I had sensory issues when it came to getting a hair cut and they terrified me because of it, my dad would "solve" this by threatening to spank me if I didn't get in the chair and stayed still even another adult in the barbershop said they'd beat my ass if I kept "acting up" (I was having a meltdown). I guess I learned how to "cope" since a belt hitting my rear end at mach 1 would irritate me more than my hair cut which I wouldn't have to do in at least another 2 weeks.

My parents were mad at me for not socializing with the other kids or doing it in ways that wasn't considered acceptable. I really didn't see the big deal and I felt they were taking me for granted since I was pretty easy kid that stayed out of trouble and all the other kids to socialize with were pretty bad influences.



Very sorry to hear that. I was also forced into a situation like that. When I was a child my mother wanted to get my ears pierced and I had this ( now that I look back) irrational fear of sharp needles. So I was pretty much screaming for her to stop but she just ignored me and forced me to do it even though I was going into hysterics. :(




My mom also used to slap me when I was acting up because I was uncomfortable. The water was too cold or too hot, or my hair was being pulled by the hair brush and it hurt or it was very uncomfortable and I would always shape up when she would hit me because I didn't like being hit and that was worse than what I as going through. Plus I remember the time when I was forced to go on a big steering wheel when I was six just because my parents wanted to go on it and I was so scared. I was afraid of getting the ticklish feeling in my tummy and the steering wheel was so high off the ground it made me uncomfortable and I did cry on it. I am sure I just came off as a whiny child and I didn't have any hysteric cries or act like I was going to die. It might have been anxiety I was having and no one knew about it then.


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CockneyRebel
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31 Dec 2015, 6:08 pm

My parents didn't know what to make of me when I was a teenager. They didn't know that I was trying on different male personas from the 60s because I'm transgendered. They thought that I was trying to live my life in "Some decade" :roll: as my mum said on the phone a few years ago. They thought they could make me want to change by telling me that my attitude stinks. It didn't make sense to me. I liked their time and I didn't want to look like the snotty backstabbers at my school, so my attitude stunk.

They also weren't very encouraging at all. They told me that I can't do 90% of the things that NTs can do. I came to the conclusion that I will never have a job because I was a loser therefore, I might as well be a hippie because that was the only future that I had at the age of 15.


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