Parents & The way They Treat Undiagnosed Aspergers Children

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People, when faced with something 'odd' or someone displaying characteristics not in line or are not the accepted norm within society, tend to react negatively, whether it is in fear, disgust, or, most commonly in our case, with the intense need to 'normalise' the child, to reform the child! By repeatedly disciplining it to become 'normal'. Even though their intentions are, I suppose, good and to be helpful, they tend to do more damage.

They don't know any better, it's how they were socialized. They are just passing on what has been passed on to them.

Indeed that's true.

It's difficult....because many parents just don't want to hear about the Autism Spectrum in general; they think it's a total stigma, which must be stamped out--by force, if necessary.

My mother tried to "knock it out of me" when I was very young.

I didn't really have a problem with my parents as I have with one of my school teachers. I had this one teacher that put me through absolute hell. Not only was I sent to the principals office to get spanked( Yes, corporal punishment was used back then.), but he would humiliate me in front of the other students and encourage them to bully me.

indeed they don't know any better because they do not have the information about AS or autism or how different their child is. Some parents are smart enough to realize their kid is different so they try and seek out help for their child and embrace differences that are harmless. But mistakes are still made but that is true for all parents rather the kid is NT or ND.

My parents have always been very critical of my Aspie quirks & issues even though they suspected me of having autism sense I was a toddler.

My dad and other adults would threaten to "beat some sense" into me. When I was young (5 -7) I had sensory issues when it came to getting a hair cut and they terrified me because of it, my dad would "solve" this by threatening to spank me if I didn't get in the chair and stayed still even another adult in the barbershop said they'd beat my ass if I kept "acting up" (I was having a meltdown). I guess I learned how to "cope" since a belt hitting my rear end at mach 1 would irritate me more than my hair cut which I wouldn't have to do in at least another 2 weeks.

My parents were mad at me for not socializing with the other kids or doing it in ways that wasn't considered acceptable. I really didn't see the big deal and I felt they were taking me for granted since I was pretty easy kid that stayed out of trouble and all the other kids to socialize with were pretty bad influences.

My folks didn't go in for corporal punishment much, but they did a lot of shaming: "What would the neighbors think? You're breaking my heart!" They loved to boast about me when i did well academically, but got really annoyed if I acted weird in public or refused to do things their way. Dad once told me to never speak to him again during a really bad argument.

Mom's all-time low was calling me a psychopath, that she couldn't talk to the rest of the family about me, and that she'd rather see me dead, when I came out of the closet. She's mellowed a lot since then but I can tell she's still pretty uncomfortable with anything nonconformist. She doesn't really care if I'm a Lesbian, since my brothers took care of the grandchildren quota. She just doesn't like me talking about it in public.

Mom's still a bit in denial about the ASD diagnosis at times, and keeps trying to attribute my social awkwardness and sensory issues to my being smart.

When I became a teenager my mother couldn't understand why I would rather stay in my room and role-play with my stuffed animals than hang out with other girls my age or why cartoons were all I seemed to care about. My parents used to praise and support my artistic talents when I was a kid, but when I became a teen they wanted me to turn to other interests that were normal, especially my mom. She actually would yell and lecture me for doing the things that made me calm and happy and didn't hurt anyone at all. One time I went to a dance at school. My parents acted almost as if this were some kind of miracle, although I got bored and had them come drive me home early. My dad was all like "You're finally growing up".

Funny how parents say how they can't wait for you to grow up, and then when you actually do, they get like Empty Nest Syndrome and junk.

My parents do feel badly about what they did in the past, especially my mom, since my diagnosis, and accept my oddities rather than try to change them. If only everyone's parents could be that way.

Not all parents do this. My parents saw me as a quirky gifted kid who needed freedom to be herself and should be accepted by society. They refused to get me assessed for autism because they didn't see anything wrong with how I acted.

They didn't understand some things, like sensory overload, picky eating and executive dysfunction, but mostly they raised me really well.

After reading what you went through, I figure I'm almost a saint for the way I raised my own kids, who later turned out to be diagnosed Aspergers. Their individuality was very seldom questioned and I stood up to school authority figures who tried to scare it out of them. If I had known about AS, though, I would have worked harder on social skills and study skills, instead of letting them coast through high school on their strengths which didn't serve them well when they hit college age.

And I guess I don't have to be too mad at my own parents.

My parents didn't know what to make of me when I was a teenager. They didn't know that I was trying on different male personas from the 60s because I'm transgendered. They thought that I was trying to live my life in "Some decade" as my mum said on the phone a few years ago. They thought they could make me want to change by telling me that my attitude stinks. It didn't make sense to me. I liked their time and I didn't want to look like the snotty backstabbers at my school, so my attitude stunk.

They also weren't very encouraging at all. They told me that I can't do 90% of the things that NTs can do. I came to the conclusion that I will never have a job because I was a loser therefore, I might as well be a hippie because that was the only future that I had at the age of 15.