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JohnPowell
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11 Feb 2016, 3:46 pm

Does anybody find that in social situations they are over thinking and feeling very anxious, which makes them not say what they really wanted to, and then it comes to you 10 minutes later when you're analyzing that situation and replaying it through your head? I know it's not real slowness, because I feel sharp when it comes to typing. It's just very frustrating that in real life I can't always say what I would have wanted to.


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The_Gimp
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11 Feb 2016, 7:39 pm

D'oh!



zkydz
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11 Feb 2016, 7:46 pm

I ALWAYS do that. Part of it is me trying hard to say 'on script' and that blocks some input. Especially if they go off script. And when surprised, I can lose the most basic thing that should be said.

Why did they say that? Why did they say it that way? Is this consistent with current data on this person's 'acting model'...woops...what were those last three things you said.....no...don't let the know you drifted off....DAMN...what was that again? crap...is this even the same subject? Flibbertygibbet, time to do a bad Robin Williams to deflect....find a correlating word, searching, searching, searching....THERE!! Tadaaaaaa...nobody noticed.

Until they want to return to it later and realize I have no idea what they are talking about. Or worse, it was business mixed with small talk and then I'm really boned because I've shown them I can't focus on the work. Even if I can, that is not what I demonstrated.


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JohnPowell
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12 Feb 2016, 1:33 pm

The_Gimp wrote:
D'oh!


:)


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JohnPowell
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12 Feb 2016, 1:34 pm

zkydz wrote:
I ALWAYS do that. Part of it is me trying hard to say 'on script' and that blocks some input. Especially if they go off script. And when surprised, I can lose the most basic thing that should be said.

Why did they say that? Why did they say it that way? Is this consistent with current data on this person's 'acting model'...woops...what were those last three things you said.....no...don't let the know you drifted off....DAMN...what was that again? crap...is this even the same subject? Flibbertygibbet, time to do a bad Robin Williams to deflect....find a correlating word, searching, searching, searching....THERE!! Tadaaaaaa...nobody noticed.

Until they want to return to it later and realize I have no idea what they are talking about. Or worse, it was business mixed with small talk and then I'm really boned because I've shown them I can't focus on the work. Even if I can, that is not what I demonstrated.


I know what you mean. Have meds ever worked?


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zkydz
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12 Feb 2016, 1:55 pm

JohnPowell wrote:
zkydz wrote:
I ALWAYS do that. Part of it is me trying hard to say 'on script' and that blocks some input. Especially if they go off script. And when surprised, I can lose the most basic thing that should be said.

Why did they say that? Why did they say it that way? Is this consistent with current data on this person's 'acting model'...woops...what were those last three things you said.....no...don't let the know you drifted off....DAMN...what was that again? crap...is this even the same subject? Flibbertygibbet, time to do a bad Robin Williams to deflect....find a correlating word, searching, searching, searching....THERE!! Tadaaaaaa...nobody noticed.

Until they want to return to it later and realize I have no idea what they are talking about. Or worse, it was business mixed with small talk and then I'm really boned because I've shown them I can't focus on the work. Even if I can, that is not what I demonstrated.


I know what you mean. Have meds ever worked?
I had meds for depression. So, they didn't help with the above. Did well for depression, not much else.


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JohnPowell
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12 Feb 2016, 5:23 pm

So anxiety isn't part of the problem? That's what seems to be my stumbling block, though i've always been a day dreamer.


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zkydz
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12 Feb 2016, 5:45 pm

JohnPowell wrote:
So anxiety isn't part of the problem? That's what seems to be my stumbling block, though i've always been a day dreamer.
Actually, that leads to my anxiety. Which then makes things worse all the way around. I think for me it's a combo of inability to focus on other people's conversation unless it's something I really get into. And, couple that with aural processing issues and basic communication issues as well. It's a bit of a sensory overload in social events with all the noise, bad food smells like cheap catered cold cuts, etc.

And, to be real, for the most part, people bore me. I like to sit back and observe them, but interacting is really difficult.


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BTDT
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12 Feb 2016, 5:49 pm

My problem has been not getting enough practice--the more practice I get the smoother my interactions and thinking abilities.



Ashariel
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12 Feb 2016, 5:52 pm

I'm like that too, it's pathetic. In a typical conversation all I manage to say is "oh", or "that's really interesting!" in between the other person talking. And then sometimes I think of something that I could have said instead of "oh", but by the time there's another break for me to talk, the topic has moved on to something else.



kraftiekortie
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12 Feb 2016, 6:51 pm

This sort of thing happens to me frequently. It's pretty darn frustrating. It makes me seem dumb and foolish.



zkydz
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12 Feb 2016, 7:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
This sort of thing happens to me frequently. It's pretty darn frustrating. It makes me seem dumb and foolish.
Yes, it makes us seem that way to other people. But it also makes me feel dumb and foolish. Add to that a really bad internal edit button and it really can get out of hand internally. The more I go under, the less the edit button works......


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kraftiekortie
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12 Feb 2016, 7:06 pm

Yep..I tend to see things clearer in retrospect, rather than in the immediate moment.



JohnPowell
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13 Feb 2016, 9:23 am

But does this not just cause anxiety in future situations?


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zkydz
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13 Feb 2016, 9:53 am

JohnPowell wrote:
But does this not just cause anxiety in future situations?
Yes and no. Each encounter adds to my database. Sometimes, it works. Most times it doesn't though as things in real life are not linear or people as a rule are not as focused, peppered with crap that has no relationship.

It can add to the anxiety, but it's also the only tool I have. I literally used to wonder when the mother ship was going to return to download my 'database'. I feel like a walking collection of information that still doesn't cover me.

Social interactions require spontaneity and I am the antithesis of spontaneity. So, no matter what, there will be anxiety. Here, I can take a minute or an hour to respond. Can't do that on the fly in a face to face. The only time I can say that someone appreciated that 'delay' is when I am solving problems.


It's amazing how compliant people can be, and overlook those 'rude' mannerisms when they need it.
"Can I help?"
"I'm thinking, stop talking."
"I'm getting some tea, want some?"
...no answer.....
"Want some tea?"
"What? Go away! Now I have to start over."
"Geeez, touchy..." then they walk away.
But they are happy when they come back and it's all solved.
Any other time, and I'm working on someone else's project....
"Going on a coffee run....want anything?"
"Dammit...now I gotta start over. NO! I do not want anything."
"You don't have to bite my head off...why you so angry?"
And they walk off pissed. And what confuses me is that they all know me and my process. It's good when it works for them. Otherwise, I'm just a thin skinned child with no self control.
And, I still have no idea how much of my vocalizations are slipping out at inopportune times and they get an unedited version of things that nobody would want to hear.


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Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8