I'm Better Than You

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I'm tired of these Autism speakers. Seriously watched a video on Youtube on one of those TedX conferences. Where a person, essentially speaks about how he became successful as an adult with autism. And how people are worried about their kids growing up with Autism.

I am tired of these speakers. I am tired of them saying, look at me I am successful. When they admit, they had the support of their family. The biggest backbone of support. So of course they were successful they were given the tools to succeed.

I don't have the same opportunities as them. And they frequently don't acknowledge those who didn't get a diagnosis when they are kids. They don't have the family support as kids or as adults. And they mislead the public of Non Autistics that all of us are super successful and smart.

I'm smart. Just not super successful and I struggle day to day because I don't have the support structure they have. It's easy when you live that kind of life to be able to say, look at me I had struggles and overcame it, but now I am successful.

I'm f*****g 26. I just got diagnosed. My family doesn't help. I don't have a job. I couch surf in different locations at different people's houses. I can't drive.

Please do your research instead of saying, "oh look at me, mom and dad, and the community helped me when I was a kid, and wow jeez I overcame my problems"

It's easy to say that if you don't lead the life I have. Not all of us are this way. It be nice if the Autistic Speakers, spoke about these problems too.

Sometimes I feel even invisible in my own community. Because no one is speaking about the downtrodden ones.

I'm really sorry that you feel this way. Not everyone on the autism spectrum gets support and you're right- there needs to be people speaking about adults with ASDs who AREN'T successful. I've also noticed there tends to be a lack of support for adults with autism. There's always some sort of help for children, but those children grow up someday.

Thanks for making this post. This has really got me thinking about people on the spectrum who don't get support. I guess I must be spoiled because I do have support from my family.

Are there opportunities for support in your area? Are there any skills you wish to learn and need help with?

I have to agree with you on this one. Even Temple Grandin has help from her parents as well. Although I don't envy them for getting such great support from their parents because most of them have had their personalty destroyed by such rigorous upbringing. They didn't get where they are now without going through hell and being forced to comply with social norms.

Yeah, I agree with you there. I often see succesful people becoming arrogant and attributing all their achievements to their great capacities as an individual and will and stuff, ignoring all the luck and support they had on the way. It can feel like a stab in the back to everyone who tries hard and fails because they sometimes make me feel like failure is somehow "deserved" because of weak mindedness or whatever.

However I also think there is some potential in creating a more "positive image" of certain conditions. On the long run that could improve chances of finding a job, for example, if not everyone considers you an antisocial vegetable because of your "label". Though I think those speakers usually overshoot that goal, creating ridiculous expectations, which worries me. "You are not autistic because you are not a musical/mathematical genius".

I also agree with goofy on the issue of child > adult support. It's a big issue, not just with psychological/neurological issues. Some people get diagnosed very late after all, or go through a lot of wrong diagnosis.

I hear your pain and anger, and I can understand it. Life, though, even on the spectrum, isn't as black and white as it feels to you right now. Family support doesn't automatically equal success, nor does a complete lack of it (which I had) mean failure. Luck, persistence, healing, finding a true friend, identifying and playing to your strengths, finding a great mentor or even a great role model, setting goals and taking one step at a time, genuine encouragement from teachers, tutors and mentors all made a huge difference to my life journey. I am nearly 70 now - and successful people were the ones who helped me the most, the most successful were the most help actually - they helped me make better choices and guided me through the worst of times, spotted opportunities for me and encouraged me to aim higher. I am eternally grateful to them. I know this isn't what you probably want to hear, though unless you open yourself to possibility, you can get stuck in painful feelings which others can sense and it scares the potential helpers away. Maybe you need someone safe to talk those deep and painful feelings through with in a safe and confidential environment, so that some spark of hope returns. What we resist tends to persist...

Yes, being a good human who does minimal harm to others or the planet and lives peacefully in their own way doing their own thing is the ultimate form of success. Good point.

Its difficult to hear stories of failure,

tedx wouldn't make money from it, and the people who have failed probably don't want to talk about it.

On TV you see the same thing, lots of inspiring stories that are irrelevant to most people,

Artists who 'never gave up' which is unwise for most people.

So the first goal for you may be to break through the social isolation to genuine social connection with a group of people who can respect, understand, accept and appreciate you for being you. Different solutions for different personalities, though for me a Meet-Up group for people who experience social anxiety worked out really well. More than half of them were on the spectrum though most seemed completely unaware of it, so I had something in common with everyone, and these were generally very kind and thoughtful people in the group (nicer than the general melange of the human race, just first class human beings).

Though many of us like and need a lot of isolation, social connection is (IMO) even more important for us, though in controllable slices so that we can graduate the amount of exposure until it feels more comfortable and worthy of our trust.

There is a pejorative name for such people "shiny aspie"
What is a shiny Aspie!? - Austistic Hoya

What are Shiny Aspis or Aspie Supremicists? By Amythest

Again, while these people exist the much bigger problem that has been and is very damaging is the PERCEPTION that most Aspies, people who identity as Aspie, or support the Neurodiversity movement are like that.

The only minor point I disagree with Amy is that the true Aspie Supremicists were happy with the eliminination of the Aspergers disgnosis in the DSM because they felt they were freed from association from a manual labeling thier preferred name as a disorder. As a now colloquial name they make Aspergers mean the next stage in evolution or whatever. The have unfortunately been too successful at this redefinition for my liking.

I TEDx.

I think it is not bad for autistic people to tell about their success stories and family support, especially to parents raising autistic children, so the parents can understand that their children can also grow up to do what they want in life, especially if they have good family support from childhood.
Family support contributes a lot to someone's success, but usually, the person still had to use that support well and make most of their way themselves in school, work, relationships, etc.
I don't think people telling of their personal successes implies anything negative about anyone who hasn't been as conventionally successful or has much trouble doing what they want in life.

Well you get that in this forum too. People with autism basically telling how successful they are, even without meaning too. I mean when you are unable to do basic things in life, it can be hard to listen to someone toss in all the stuff they have achieved and are able to do. But on the flip side if someone like me complains about that, then that's being an "you're not autistic enough" elitist.