What are the right questions?

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...For a NT to understand an Aspie's basic ways of thinking and for an Aspie to understand the NT partner, there should be a set of questions that can be asked of one another.

My partner is becoming more frustrated with me daily, but I find it hard to explain while also feeling like it's all my fault.
Can anyone refer me to a great question bank?

Personally, I don't know where to begin, as I can't identify with an other way of thinking.

Ask both partners to explicitly state what they are thinking. Don't assume either can read the other partner's mind or body language or emotions, they must be explicitly stated in words if one partner expects the other to understand.

The Aspie probably sucks at interpreting body language, extrapolating what the other partner is thinking while the NT attempts to interpret the Aspie's behaviour's based on that of an NT, assuming that they are the same, which they usually are not, leading the NT to reach incorrect conclusions.

Perhaps you could start by stating how you feel about a particular situation, rather than searching for the right questions. One of the major aspects of being an Aspie is that it is hard for us to imagine how other people think and feel, so we may make the error of assuming that other people think the way we do. It's also hard for us to read the non-verbal cues of other people, so we may miss that our partner is angry, sad, worried, etc. Once my partner and I realized that I had this issue, she and I made a point of stating how we felt rather than hoping the partner could learn to read each other's faces. It's helped to lessen a lot of misunderstandings.

One question I ask a lot of her is: "what are you thinking?" or "how do you feel about __?" Simple questions, but it helps remind her that I don't know.

She also asks me how I feel about a situation. One thing she's had to learn is that I don't always know right away. My emotional processor can take several hours to work out what my emotions are, especially if the situation is a very big change or something unsettling.

Another question is, "how can I help?" It's a basic relationship question to help me not get too withdrawn into my own world, oblivious to her needs. Since she is physically disabled and I've learned that she doesn't like to ask for help, it's important for me to check with her occasionally.