Things I am doing to improve things

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Being on WP has been a boon of information. These are things, as I discovered them, that I am using at this time. Many of them came from either reading other posts or answers to my posts.

1.) Sleep: I have taken the advice of something pressing against the torso and modified it a bit. I have always liked to sleep on my stomach. But being overweight and having a hiatal hernia it's not practical. And, I don;t want to burn up from the heat of something on top of me, I took one of my big, poofy blankets and rolled it up. I now sleep with it hugged up against me. It's stiff enough, puffy enough and big enough to do the job. If I get hot, I can roll over a for a bit. But it really has helped a lot.

2.) Wife Gone: This has been interesting because now that I am alone, all those crazy inconsistencies are gone. Things are where I expect them to me...well, most times because I do space that out or if I have the wrong mental picture, I can be looking right at it and if it doesn't do the right 'check sum' of visual points of interest, I won't see it. And, it's nice to be able to walk around muttering to myself about 'where something is' without getting lambasted about how she 'didn't move it!'

House is a total wreck though. Still working on that crap

3.) I have managed to do exactly three things last month that allowed me to survive for this time. Basically, I'm not where I was 7 weeks ago when she left two days before rent was due and I had exactly $127.00 (of which $100 has to stay in the bank or get charged service fees) after paying only half the rent. This included transportation needs, food, you know....all those stupid things people selfishly want.....yes, that was hyperbole. And, I got real, real, real lucky. I don't mind luck., but the trick is to recognize luck and not depend on it.

4.) I pulled back on WP. I think I got so involved with being able to talk to people, for the first time in my life, who understood things I said and did not think it was silly, all in my head. I still come here, obviously, but I'm having to learn an appropriate amount for me. It could, so easily, become my only contact with other people and I don't think that is healthy for me. I don't need another reason to not go out in the world. But, it has been healthy to learn from people here, so moderation.

5.) Eval around the corner and maybe some concrete parameters to work within so I can finally formulate a plan. Best thing is that in two days I will have my third appointment with my therapist. Getting that all started is a major help for settling my mind.

6.) Constantly taking personal inventory to double check everything.

7.) Hate to say it, but the wife brought a lot of chaos into my daily life. That has disappeared...well, mostly....but it has produced a calming effect. I am not as much on edge every day.

8.) I came to realize how much 'stimming' had been beaten out of me and other things beaten into me (eye contact would be one). This has allowed me to understand a few things. I still can't stim freely in public, hands still in pockets, no swaying or rocking. But at home, stimming like you wouldn't believe when the time hits. And that, more than anything has been helpful believe it or not. I did not realize how much physical stress I had bottled up because of no release mechanism or stifled release mechanism.

Most of this would not have happened if it weren't for the good people here.

So I wanted to say thanks to everybody, especially the people who called BS on me a couple of time when I needed it. It is such a learning curve to uncover the things that have been causing troubles.

Still can't zone out like I normally would. That bothers me.....but one thing at a time....

Edit:
HA! Gotta watch the cooking though. Found three separate times I forgot I was cooking until I smelled something. Almost burned a few things. If not for a the small space, I could have easily caused trouble. Sometimes have to boil water to put moisture back into the apartment, have let the pan run dry and forget until I hear the metal pop from the heat.

Gotta get that crap under control. Fortunately, I am not eating much.

Last edited by zkydz on 11 Apr 2016, 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

At least you're taking positive steps, while not being complacent.

When is the wifey coming back?

Not inclined to have the wife back. She kinda caused a lot of trouble and basically abandoned me. So not sure I want to invite anything like that back into my life.

And, she has not been kind in a lot of text messages. She went all cliched dragon lady on me.

This just might be a positive change in your life.

You've learned lots about Chinese culture through her. Think of it that way.

You've made a lot of great progress, congrats! I feel like I have as well over the past year, dealing with a lot of the same issues (divorce finalizes in 7 days)... I hope things continue to improve, and agree that WP has helped me a lot in understanding how to live with autism, and seeing things from a better perspective.

I am not bemoaning anything that went on before. Just trying to make sense of 'right now'. And, 'right now' is all I can handle.

I also know she is the one person who stuck with me the longest. So, maybe things were really bad for her too, I don't know.

So much more to be done though. My life can't stay at this 'just barely surviving' mode. But at least my internal world is a bit more sane. Still can't make sense of the external world though. Those deficits are still revealing themselves.

I think the best thing, regardless of what my final Dx will be, I feel validated for the first time in my life. All the other success that should have validated some aspects of my life don't begin to measure up to just being here. And, I have had some cool successes. Just not as good as being here has been though.

And, thanks for saying I have made progress that means a lot. From both you and Kraftie.