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drummer_girl
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30 Apr 2007, 3:49 pm

i just got an email form a friend i had almost 2 years basically saying she doesnt want to be my friend anymore.
i reason is because of my obsession with the american flag. she said she wouldnt care so much if it was another object instead of the flag
i feel so upset and hurt that my obsession has been the culprit in both this case and the loss of my boyfriend last year (who is chatting on im to be again and im tryin to keep my flags to the back of the conversation- this is hard for me to do!)

i feel that the American flag is important to me though and one of the only things i get pleasure chatting about and researching. i cant get this amount of happeness from anything else.
i have gained alot of friends from chatting about friends but it hurts me so that these 2 people thought it was way too much for them to handle and could not see through it or push it to the side.
i wish i was able to push it to the side but i have so little else to chat about. my music taste is all american patriotic songs or theme music from the lion king... anything but the music that i hear people chatting about. i dont feel like i have anything else to offer really apart from a desire to teach music do art or research flags. i cant teach music online and my art is a hobby i have here too but again is not a subject mst people want to chat about.

why cant people stay my friend/??? why am i being punished like this?



alexbeetle
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30 Apr 2007, 3:52 pm

Do you like all kinds of flags?
I want a swiss flag (a proper one that is square not rectangle). Everyone here seems to have flags but when I ask where the flag shop is they don`t know - maybe you have to inherit the flags so that way only proper swiss people can have them :(


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Fraya
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30 Apr 2007, 4:00 pm

Quote:
why cant people stay my friend/??? why am i being punished like this?


People come people go people change its a fact of life. Relationships weren't meant to last they aren't designed that way.

Consider it an opportunity to meet more interesting people than most others ever will since they don't stick around long to monopolize your time.

At least thats what I do.

Take the good memories and the gems of wisdom they have shared and move on.



SamuraiSaxen
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30 Apr 2007, 4:05 pm

When I was on 3rd grade of primary school, I was obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, and I drew a drawing (related to Sonic, of course) on my notebook everyday. A girl told me "Don't draw Sonic again, or I won't be your friend anymore". I didn't consider her as a friend, so I drew another Sonic on my notebook, she saw it and got angry with me. Next day she talked to me again :?



drummer_girl
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30 Apr 2007, 4:08 pm

alexbeetle wrote:
Do you like all kinds of flags?
I want a swiss flag (a proper one that is square not rectangle). Everyone here seems to have flags but when I ask where the flag shop is they don`t know - maybe you have to inherit the flags so that way only proper swiss people can have them :(


i like american flags best.

but i like all flags 2nd to the american flag!! have you tried a look on ebay for a swiss flag??
i found one for you within 20 seconds of searching!

http://cgi.ebay.com/Swiss-Flag-Cloth-wi ... dZViewItem



Starbuline
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30 Apr 2007, 4:40 pm

I like the Russian flag.



Fiz
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30 Apr 2007, 4:47 pm

It sounds to me like you have the same problem as most of us on here: the vast majority of people outside of WP are boring arseholes!! ! I've had this problem myself in the past and, as a result, I only consider a few people (if that) as friends, but so what? They are genuine and, unfortunately, in this day and age, genuine people are kinda rare. This person who broke friends with you and that guy who broke up with you are not really worth it as they are clearly not accepting you for who you are. I know it hurts now, but it's probably a good thing you are not friends with her anymore. She was probably the sort who would have tried to change you, but I bet she wouldn't have done the same for you? I'm with Fraya on this one - use it as an opportunity to meet more interesting people.


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IdahoRose
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30 Apr 2007, 6:10 pm

If your friends can't accept you completely, they weren't very good friends to begin with.



Lightning88
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30 Apr 2007, 6:54 pm

My friends don't really seem to mind my obsessions. Heck, they join right in! After all, they're more interesting to talk about than the fact nothing ever happens here in Indy!



ghostgurl
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30 Apr 2007, 7:02 pm

I had a friend once who insulted my interests. She told me that no one likes dinosaurs and she said the only thing good about Japan is the food. It made me really upset and is part of the reason why I broke off contact with her. I just don't have time for people who don't care about my interests.

I guess it's best to make friends with people who are interested in the same things you're interested in.


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OddCoyote
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30 Apr 2007, 7:04 pm

Shes kinda stupid isn't she?


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Starbuline
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30 Apr 2007, 7:08 pm

I have yet to meet someone who is interested in Russia. Only adults.



JonnyBGoode
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30 Apr 2007, 7:10 pm

If she's that narrow-minded, maybe you don't need her as a friend anyway.

Or maybe she got weirded out when you told her what you "did" with your flags? That's a possibility.



30 Apr 2007, 7:12 pm

drummer_girl wrote:
i just got an email form a friend i had almost 2 years basically saying she doesnt want to be my friend anymore.
i reason is because of my obsession with the american flag. she said she wouldnt care so much if it was another object instead of the flag
i feel so upset and hurt that my obsession has been the culprit in both this case and the loss of my boyfriend last year (who is chatting on im to be again and im tryin to keep my flags to the back of the conversation- this is hard for me to do!)

i feel that the American flag is important to me though and one of the only things i get pleasure chatting about and researching. i cant get this amount of happeness from anything else.
i have gained alot of friends from chatting about friends but it hurts me so that these 2 people thought it was way too much for them to handle and could not see through it or push it to the side.
i wish i was able to push it to the side but i have so little else to chat about. my music taste is all american patriotic songs or theme music from the lion king... anything but the music that i hear people chatting about. i dont feel like i have anything else to offer really apart from a desire to teach music do art or research flags. i cant teach music online and my art is a hobby i have here too but again is not a subject mst people want to chat about.

why cant people stay my friend/??? why am i being punished like this?



You need to learn not to talk about your obsessions all the time because people do dump you over it because they get tired of hearing the same thing over and over. It gets easier as you work on not talking about it. Pretty soon you wouldn’t even want to talk about your obsessions a lot because you won’t be interested in doing it and it be a new habit of yours also. What I’d do is when people IM you, I’d let them talk about whatever they talk about and answer their questions they ask you. If you don’t have anything to talk about, you don’t have anything to talk about.


It’s hard to stay someone’s friend when all they want to talk about is their obsession because they don’t ever want to hear what you want to talk about so they leave you.

I probably sound like an NT but I have learned this in my teen years so I outgrew that trait. Now I don’t hang out with people at all and chit chat. I prefer to be alone and do my own thing. If I’m with someone I prefer we are doing something, not just sitting and doing nothing.



0_equals_true
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30 Apr 2007, 7:31 pm

Not to detract on how shallow that person is, she sounds like a sulky cow, but here is what I've learnt:

If your obsessions are solitary like mine they are something personal to you. You wouldn't want people to go in there and start messing around with what you're doing. But at the same time you may want to share some the interesting things you have learn about recently. That is cool. But there is a limit to how much some people can grasp. They just not built like that. So they will probably want to talk about something else. It’s not so bad you get used to it. Just use your strengths. If you’re good at analysing analyse that. A lot of the time the stuff you're doing together is of little consequence. They won't take it too seriously, so neither should you. Many people especially NTs are like adopted pets. They need constant reassurance and attention. They don't want to have to compete with anything and that includes obsessions. Very rarely I meet someone who is really interested in what I'm into, which can be good except they tend to want to probe into my life and tell me what to do, which can be annoying. So it is about degrees of separation and mixing up the conversation. If where you're going acts a focal point you can take it from there. Just respond to what they say if you get stuck. Chances they will find something to talk about for you.