A Mask For The World

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Why shouldn't people act decent in public?

Exactly. My mask did that. But without understanding what it really was, I had no idea why I was getting so stressed in non-stressful situations. There are other things. But, working on them will make things better by way of better adjusted coping mechanisms.

And, by the way, NTs have to mask as well. I've been to gatherings where they are being pleasant to people they really don't care for. They are just better adapted to do it.

You hit the nail on the head, Zkydz! NT'S HAVE TO MASK, TOO!! !!

Sometimes even more than the autistic person.

I knew I was an odd child from a young age. Kids did not play the same way as me and I felt I was on a different frequency but yet I had a working mind, working eyes and hands and feet and legs and arms, I could see and hear, everything about me worked but why was I different? Even wet clothes bothered me but they didn't seem to bother other kids, things that would upset me didn't seem to upset others. Kids always thought I was weird or strange. I thought Asperger's explained it, same as for why I was so rigid with my play and why I did things the same way over and over and why things upset me more than it would for other kids and why I walked different and sat different and why kids made comments about my posture and facial expressions and why I was labeled as selfish and why group projects were always hard. I can remember my parents insisting I'm normal but yet they put me on pills starting 4th grade and then I was on a bunch of different pills in 5th grade and beginning of sixth grade. Plus I was going to therapy and receiving occupational therapy so how does this make me normal? I was being fixed and my brain was obviously not working right because I had to take pills. Plus I was always slow to mature.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! That's what I've trying to get at. Yes, everyone needs to "mask", as you're describing it, which is why it's not the issue being discussed. The issue is specifically with being stigmatized from being autistic. By focusing on the fact everyone needs to mask you are TAKING AWAY from this particular issue.

Again, you are speaking for a lot of people. Who says I am stigmatized for being 'autistic'? Nobody knows. Now that I know the issue, I will improve on it. See? Not defining me. I am defining it.

If you don't see the difference, then, hey, that's you.

Obviously, people shouldn't be stigmatized for being autistic.

The way to change this is to encourage more contact between autistic and non-autistic people.

I don't believe a strident political stance will do the trick. In fact, I believe this would exacerbate the problem.

When I was growing up, I believed all the crap I was told about black people. Then, I actually started HANGING OUT with black people. All those myths went by the wayside.

The same will happen when autistic and non-autistic people are encouraged to interact--if incentives are needed at first, then make use of the incentives.

If I was given the Malcolm X separatist spiel, this would have corroborated all the prejudicial stuff about black people which was handed down to me from adults in the 1960s.

Fortunately, I didn't get the above spiel. I got to hang out with real people, rather than with ideas.

Same with autism. If people ram "autistic pride" down the throats of NT's, NT's will have a bad impression of autistic people.

I'd rather dispense with the politics, and encourage people-to-people contact instead.

In many ways, my Asperger's helped me in that regard. Growing up primarily in the south and a few places where I was the minority, I just saw people as people.

To me, people are just organic machines. I don't see any differences in them, themselves. I do see cultural differences, physical differences. But, anything other than that, they are just an equal opportunity observation on the individual level. They be good, they be bad....they reveal themselves. Unfortunately, I get the bad figured out after being really taken advantage of most times.

That sucks. But, mostly good experiences with people. I'm the problem in most of those regards, I have come to learn. So, I seek to improve those things.

This.

For me it has nothing to do with what other people think of autism, per se. It's what other people think of certain behaviors, and what people might think of me if they see me do those things. I grew up having no idea why I would just fall apart in certain situations. I had no name for it, I just learned early on I had to hide it, or else I'd get hit, or get locked away somewhere, or just treated poorly in general. Such is life.

In an ideal world, no one should have to face that much pressure to hide the way they are...but on the other hand, I wouldn't expect other people to be totally accepting of things that it has taken a lifetime so far for me to even begin to understand about myself. I look for a happy medium somewhere in between, where I don't have to reveal everything about myself, but it's because I choose not to, not because I live in fear of it.

The world around me has changed a lot since I was a kid, and that has made a difference...but the biggest thing that has helped me has been learning about myself and understanding what makes me tick. That is something no one else could have given me - I think less stigmatization can make things easier for sure, but it doesn't magically put us at ease with ourselves, or put other people at ease with us, or us at ease with them.

That's the thing. Everybody has to hide something at some point. I think we are worse about being able to do it without consequences. And, I agree that the happy medium is the place to be.

Or even them at ease with each other. I swear, some of the NTs I know are the most stressed people I observe.

I don't think any of this is easy for anybody. And, I do believe it is more difficult for us and at varying levels. But, isn't that the same for everybody in one way or another?

Of course. But in order for connections to have an influence, people need to know the autistic person is autistic, which may never happen if people are afraid to speak up.

You can educate people about autism without being rough about it.

Rather like Temple Grandin's approach.

Not everybody is afraid to speak up. Many of us are just private. I also don't talk about my sexuality, my preferences in most areas and generally try to keep my mouth shut when possible.

If people want to disclose, then fine. I'm all for that. But I don't think anybody should be forcing it. I also don't think shaming people for wanting to be private about it is good either.

But many people are, which is part of the point of the article. Also, yes, many of us are just private about that and that's fine, but SOMEONE has to do it.


No one is forcing anyone to disclose anything, well, at least not in the context of this conversation. No one is shaming anyone for wanting to be private either. The larger issue is that people are shamed for coming out, not for staying private.

yeah, well, you are very, very adamant that someone should do it. Maybe that should be you since you can only speak for yourself. And not for anybody else.