Letting it all hang out vs. bottling it up

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How does one release anger properly without doing either of these things?

I think a lot of it is about learning to become aware of the anger before it gets so strong that it explodes. Of course, this is way easier said than done. I find that I feel less angry when I think about the reasons why things happen. I try hard to take deep breath's, and I meditate. Is that sort of the start of what you wanted to know?

When I share my feelings, I talk about them, trying not to use "you" statements. I might say: "I felt so mad when XYZ happened," or "What can I do about ABC? I'm angry." Depends on the context, and I try and talk to someone else first, not the person involved.

A nice long country/beach (if your not living in a metropolis! ) walk helps a little as your putting that built up energy into something else.. Maybe even getting a punch bag to hang up in the garage?... I think alot of anger can be released through an energy output, its just finding what none destructive output might work for you

even talking to someone you know well, someone you can trust just to vent, this helps greatly, even a therapist.. can work wonders if your on the spectrum or not... Bottling things up can be subconsciously destructive over time, its wise to find some form of release

I used to be relatively content with being an angry person, but bottling my anger up has made me so sad.

I'm a little strange in this. I like to dedicate specific time for me to release unwanted feelings. If I'm feeling angry about something, I can't bottle it up for too long or else it wears me down more and more as the day or week goes on, to the point where I practically crack from pressure after a few days. Very unhealthy. So when I get home from work, if it's really bad, I feel best when I'm putting pressure on something, usually with my teeth like biting. So I'll bite my pillow as hard as I want, or I'll squeeze it with a death hug. (After that I usually spend five minutes apologizing profusely to my abused pillow... No joke. But it makes me feel better.)

If force and pressure doesn't help, I'll schedule a regular daily shower that I dedicate solely to releasing old feelings. Standing under the hot water and imagining that the water dripping down me is carrying away all that negativity or anger, like it's melting and dripping off my body. It's sort of a form of meditation, and it's a much healthier way to release. If I ever let my anger show, somebody usually ends up unnecessarily hurt emotionally, typically my wife because she is so empathic with me. So to avoid that I push my feelings back until I can release them on schedule.

Sometimes I find that writing it down helps. I just start writing and let it all out on paper or on the computer. That way it gets released but it stays contained and others are not affected. It's a lot like praying for me.

Lu, I wish your methods of detaching from your emotions worked for me. Maybe as I get better at meditating?

Skibum, I ought to write down my feelings more. When I write, my thoughts are different than when I talk. When I think silently, that's different from both talking and writing. When I focus on my feelings and away from my thoughts, it's different again. Shrug.

Talking to people is a good alternative to bottling it up.

I think I get a lot of my pent-up tension out by singing aggressive songs at the top of my range. It allows me to yell without yelling at anybody. Also if you're lucky enough to find somebody who isn't in a powerful position but is acting like a jerk, you can yell at them and do the world a favour, though the problem with that is that you have to make an accurate judgement call, and it would be a shame to get it wrong. I think learning to be assertive helps, if you can stand your ground and make your opinions known without going ape, you're less likely to build up internal pressure. It's helpful to smash something that's of no value. Play the drums and stick pictures of your favourite enemies on the skins. Laughter is good for getting anger and stress out of your system too.