Hugs and Kisses

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I know this is a well worn thread subject, but anyway. Does anyone else really crave hug and kisses and physical contact but find it really difficult. If someone unexpectedly touches me, just in an everyday platonic way, i mostly find myself flinching. I can only do physical contact when i am prepared psychologically. When i am drunk, i can't stop hugging and stuff, quite at odds from how i am sober. As a child i was very huggy, to family members mostly, but after about 12 had really no physical contact with them at all, as they could see it makes me uncomfortable. In relationships i am physically affectionate, but then i am prepared and expect it. I do still miss some ques for contact, but not so much that someone would be offended, especially if they know me. Generally i do like physical contact i think, but i never expect it so its like it hurts me.

Yes... Physical intimacy is... essential to my mental stability...

I like the idea of hugs and stuff, but the reality isn't a good feeling for me and I avoid them.

Absolutely. It's a sad paradox to recoil from physical touch, yet are the same time wanting and needing it.

In general I like physical contact. Especially when others family and friends stroke my hair it feels really nice.

Last edited by Shahunshah on 26 Nov 2016, 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This, 100%.

I say (and to a point believe) that I wouldn't want that sort of contact, but when I'm lonely or my depression's particularly bad I want nothing more than for someone to hold me. It's very sad.

Yeah, it is a of a sad paradox sometimes.

Although I am presently only have a "working diagnosis" of ASC (high-functioning side).
I have to say that all my life i have been uncomfortable with hugging and kissing from others,
unless from woman i am attracted to. Which i enjoy.

Contact makes me cringe a bit. I also note, as i am british (i live in a small island in-between UK and France), culturally we aren't a touchy huggy type of people who generally are more conservative generally.

I know that culturally there can be a difference, with some nations being more known for expressing themselves with friendly touching.

It's funny really, as if someone comes from a conservative nation gets touched by a person from the opposite sex who comes from one of the friendly touchy nations, the person from the conservative country may start to read things into the touching (as the touching is like flirting and even foreplay) when it may actually mean nothing.

I was in this type of confusing scenario a few years ago, while travelling around India I started to hang out with a beautiful young woman from Italy who was very touchy. However, being a man, and being touched in any way by a beautiful woman, we obviously straight away read into her touching. Which is funny really. But never mind.

With regards to you Insomnia Girl, i think from looking at your photos, you are very beautiful, so i am not surprised if people try and touch you in a flirting way more than most people.

Must be difficult though if you don't like this.

Hopefully you will find your life partner who will make you comfortable with touching or only touch you when you want and are feeling comfortable.

Yes, I agree. And, the outside world cannot understand this. Cannot tell you how many times I have heard 'just go do it' as if that never occurred to me. And the need to be held or comforted by physical proximity is just as strong as my desire to be away from people.

And only from people I want it from. I cannot stand this come up and hug/kiss thing when meeting people or the first time.

I like to be hugged, held, cuddled, stroked, whatever by my immediate family. But I have to be approached a certain way or I recoil.

I don't want or like anyone else to touch me though. And I certainly don't want to touch them.

I'm okay with my doctor poking and prodding me though. I don't like it, but I tolerate it. Can't stand the dentist though and have to be sedated.

The vast majority of the time I recoil. So it definitly does not seem like something I need.

I'm generally pretty indifferent about physical contact. If I wanted to limit my comments to hugs, I'd say I like them best when I expect them, or when they're clearly required by the situation at hand. If there's no requirement for a hug, I don't expect it either, let alone like the sudden nature of the act. My mother likes to randomly hug me out of nowhere, and I don't like it in the least.

I don't know if this counts but I always get that pre rape feeling every time somebody puts their arm around or over my shoulders.... may it be male or female...but I like to cuddle though....

Thanks for your thoughts. I think the typical opinion of how people on the spectrum feel about physical contact, is that we just don't like it, especially that is, the opinion from people not on the spectrum. For some people it really seems to be a no, but often i think we really do want contact, its just that it is often awkward, or difficult, and makes us initially at least recoil, especially if the contact comes out of the blue, or the person we are in contact with is not well known to us. I think though that the opinion people on the spectrum don't like contact is often a misrepresentation of actual feelings.

I agree.

I'm always very tense so any unexpected contact will make me jump, my brain is stressed and has my body on full alert, people react badly to this sometimes, taking it as a personal insult.

I feel like a freak when it happens, the desire to be touched by another person is strong yet I recoil from physical touch unconsciously.

I'm slightly better with a partner, I love holding hands, being arm in arm while walking, the mental closeness this gives far outweighs any physical discomfort caused and stops me jumping when touched.
Hugging is hit and miss, I love it but sometimes it's just too much and my body starts screaming at me.

It's a wonderful paradox.

i don't like hugs when i am the one receiving it, it make me feel just awkward even if the one how hugs me is my mother, but sometimes i feel a strong desire to hug my close friends or a family member or just a tree, then i don't mind them hugging me back, funny