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naturalplastic
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29 Aug 2016, 5:12 pm

If you had "scripted it out" beforehand you should have taken an additional step: looked at the script and then taken time to mentally pair down your wall of text to "the nub" of what you wanna ask for. The main issue. And the nub is "I want an estimate". And then you should have thrown way the written script, and just mentally build upon that request. Once you did that it would have been easy to talk conversationally about the particulars.

Then when got to the place, and you would have 'I am seeking an estimate on how to repair this botched tattoo I got from some other inker'(while simultaneously displaying the tattoo on your arm -or wherever it is- with your sleaves already rolled up.

Then the two of you could converse about your ...artistic vision of what the tattoo should look like. And so on.



dianthus
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29 Aug 2016, 8:45 pm

Yes I've had similar experiences where I KNOW I was making perfect sense. Sounds like these folks were on something. I've had to talk to people in my job who were high and they would just stare at me like that and then act really weird like they didn't understand what I said.

ToughDiamond wrote:
I've had similar experiences, and it's very frustrating. My theory is that vendors and service providers rarely have much genuine interest in understanding the customer's requirements if there's anything even slightly unusual or complicated about it. They don't listen very carefully at all, they just seem to pick out a few key words and then try to shoehorn the customer into buying the most profitable product is that roughly fits those words.


Exactly...and this happened to me recently when I was talking to an Etsy seller about a custom order. It was all there IN WRITING and what I asked for really wasn't all that complicated, but she responded like she was totally oblivious to what I had written. I ended up not buying anything from her because she was so difficult to communicate with.

Some store clerks can't even handle mind-numbingly simple requests...like the last time I went to Sherwin Williams to pick up some window glazing. I really didn't need any help finding it but of course this guy popped out and insisted. I wanted the 66 compound that comes in a plastic tub, NOT a caulking tube, but he gave me the tube. I said no I want the other kind and picked it up off the shelf. He said, but you can't use that on windows. Well that was like throwing down the gauntlet. I said look it says RIGHT HERE ON THE CONTAINER that it is meant for glazing windows and I started reading off the instructions to him. He still tried to argue with me that I was buying the wrong product. I don't think he even understood what it means to glaze a window.



C2V
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30 Aug 2016, 8:39 am

Quote:
You are probably like me, too articulate for the majority of people - you talk in whole, perhaps rather complex paragraphs, not soundbites, and the average NT is only programmed to take in short, simple sentences. You presented them with the big picture, but they were only capable of seeing a snapshot. Maybe you prepared for this conversation in too much detail?


And this -

Quote:
I'm just speculating, but I think the problem was not with the content but in the delivery. NTs prefer information to be revealed conversationally. This is to keep the focus on the people participating in the exchange rather than the exchange itself, because for NTs their experience is paramount.
So, when you first speak to the clerk your interest should be in him/her not your request.

As for scripting; scrap it. Trying to stick to a script is way more anxiety producing then being present in the situation. If you are consumed with your script, you will miss cues that could help you communicate.


And this -

Quote:
Then when got to the place, and you would have 'I am seeking an estimate on how to repair this botched tattoo I got from some other inker'(while simultaneously displaying the tattoo on your arm -or wherever it is- with your sleaves already rolled up.

I think you're all on the same proverbial page and very much correct. Not that I'm willing to cede that it was all my miscommunication - I find it ironic that people accuse autistics of being inflexible, and yet they apparently cannot adapt to communicate with someone who speaks a bit differently at all.
But yes, I suspect this may be rather how I came across. Arrive and explain in detail all aspects of the situation instead of sidling in and pussyfooting around the issue with vague innuendos and manageable small sentences.
I too prefer writing for this reason. They were probably much distracted by how odd I am, not by what I am actually saying. I'm unsure if I should bother modifying this, or just expect it and persist.


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androbot01
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30 Aug 2016, 8:50 am

C2V wrote:
...Arrive and explain in detail all aspects of the situation instead of sidling in and pussyfooting around the issue with vague innuendos and manageable small sentences.

It's more about the focus of the exchange. I have surmised from my experience that for neurotypicals the focus is always on the person participating in the exchange with you. That is, interest in each other takes precedence over the reason for the exchange. I tend not to find people I am particularly interested in so I fake it. Sometimes all it takes is eye contact and an awareness of their experience (eg. busy, bored, ill, etc.)



CockneyRebel
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30 Aug 2016, 1:35 pm

I went through this with my mum earlier on this year. My mum told me that I wasn't making any sense whenever I'd express a concern that I had. She also wasn't making any sense to me, either. I see things from a fitness frame of mind. She see things from an autism frame of mind. I think that has all blown over now. I'm ready to start anew with her. I'm not going to let my newly discovered differences put a wedge between the two of us, anymore. I just won't bring my helmet over to her place.


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foxfield
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30 Aug 2016, 4:00 pm

I have problems with all this as well, except that I go to the opposite extreme. I am convinced that people won't understand what I say if its not straightforward or simple, and so I tend to ridiculously over-explain things and make people feel patronised. I also often find myself using ridiculous hand gestures like Im trying to talk a foreign language, in an attempt to explain myself better.

The problems people have described in this thread I would categorise as "mind blindness", in that its an inability to predict how well people will comprehend you.

Like ToughDiamond said, I always prefer to communicate non-simple requests in writing or email. Probably not really practical in the OPs situation unfortunately, but possible sometimes.



ToughDiamond
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30 Aug 2016, 4:01 pm

dianthus wrote:
Some store clerks can't even handle mind-numbingly simple requests...like the last time I went to Sherwin Williams to pick up some window glazing. I really didn't need any help finding it but of course this guy popped out and insisted. I wanted the 66 compound that comes in a plastic tub, NOT a caulking tube, but he gave me the tube. I said no I want the other kind and picked it up off the shelf. He said, but you can't use that on windows. Well that was like throwing down the gauntlet. I said look it says RIGHT HERE ON THE CONTAINER that it is meant for glazing windows and I started reading off the instructions to him. He still tried to argue with me that I was buying the wrong product. I don't think he even understood what it means to glaze a window.

That's a big part of why I like the big stores, the ones like Walmart where they just ring up the stuff in your cart and tell you how much it costs. They don't know anything, but at least they don't pretend they do. 8)



questor
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31 Aug 2016, 10:03 am

Based on your description of what happened, you sound rational to me. Somehow, though, the two staffers seemed to take a while to grasp what you were saying. It is also obvious that they thought you were there to have the work done right then, so they may have been a little distracted by the thought of making a sale. When you just want a price quote, it's best to say that right up front.

I do occasionally find myself having miscommunications with "normal" people, in spite of making clear statements. Don't really know why. :scratch:


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