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League_Girl
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12 Sep 2016, 3:40 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
If a person turns you down three times for a date, move on. They are just not into you.


Three times? Shouldn't you move on if they just turn you down once?



No that was the rule I learned in Mozart and the Whale book when a guy told Jerry the three strike rule about dating. He scared a girl out of his math class because he didn't get the hint that she didn't like him that way and the fact she quit going to their class was because she switched pout of it so he was now calling her. He still didn't get the hint when he could never get a hold of her. So she sent that guy after him and that was when he told him about the three strike rule.


Sooo...if you get rejected once, you should try two more times? Why would the woman reject you in the first place if she actually wants to date you?



Maybe she is busy, maybe she doesn't want to go where you want to take her. But after three times, you can assume she isn't into you so her loss. If she wants to go out with you, she will perhaps ask you out after she has struck out.


And to confuse you even more there's "the thrill of the chase" & "playing hard to get"



What do those mean?


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SaveFerris
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12 Sep 2016, 3:52 pm

League_Girl wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
If a person turns you down three times for a date, move on. They are just not into you.


Three times? Shouldn't you move on if they just turn you down once?



No that was the rule I learned in Mozart and the Whale book when a guy told Jerry the three strike rule about dating. He scared a girl out of his math class because he didn't get the hint that she didn't like him that way and the fact she quit going to their class was because she switched pout of it so he was now calling her. He still didn't get the hint when he could never get a hold of her. So she sent that guy after him and that was when he told him about the three strike rule.


Sooo...if you get rejected once, you should try two more times? Why would the woman reject you in the first place if she actually wants to date you?



Maybe she is busy, maybe she doesn't want to go where you want to take her. But after three times, you can assume she isn't into you so her loss. If she wants to go out with you, she will perhaps ask you out after she has struck out.


And to confuse you even more there's "the thrill of the chase" & "playing hard to get"



What do those mean?


Playing hard to get = Acting in a way that gives off the impression your not interested but actually you are just testing how much the other person is interested i.e. If the person gives up after strike one then that shows that they wern't that interested.

The thrill of the chase = the interactions between two people who are interested in each other while "playing hard to get" and other stupid ( some find them thrilling ) ambigious games.

Should also point out that both these games are played by people who have no intention of hooking up but just play to feel whatever feelings they are looking for ( wanted , needed , sexually attractive etc ). I personaly would not class these people as normal.


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auntblabby
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12 Sep 2016, 4:25 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Playing hard to get = Acting in a way that gives off the impression your not interested but actually you are just testing how much the other person is interested i.e. If the person gives up after strike one then that shows that they wern't that interested. The thrill of the chase = the interactions between two people who are interested in each other while "playing hard to get" and other stupid ( some find them thrilling ) ambigious games. Should also point out that both these games are played by people who have no intention of hooking up but just play to feel whatever feelings they are looking for ( wanted , needed , sexually attractive etc ). I personaly would not class these people as normal.

AFAIC, both of those behaviors are evil.



dianthus
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12 Sep 2016, 5:12 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
If a person turns you down three times for a date, move on. They are just not into you.


Three times? Shouldn't you move on if they just turn you down once?



No that was the rule I learned in Mozart and the Whale book when a guy told Jerry the three strike rule about dating. He scared a girl out of his math class because he didn't get the hint that she didn't like him that way and the fact she quit going to their class was because she switched pout of it so he was now calling her. He still didn't get the hint when he could never get a hold of her. So she sent that guy after him and that was when he told him about the three strike rule.


Asking once is enough, usually anymore than that is just annoying or can be creepy.



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12 Sep 2016, 5:51 pm

When dating a woman with kids, do not tell her that you understand her kids come first. Instead, you are expected to sit back and let her tell you that her kids come first. Then you are expected to look slightly disappointed but also understand and obey. If you tell her right up front that you understand her kids come first, she will take this as you doubting that she is a good mother because apparently, NTs think that this implies that you are trying to criticize her parenting skills.



kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2016, 5:52 pm

I would tell her that I understand that "the kids come first."

I'm not going through all that rigamorale!



momofmax
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12 Sep 2016, 5:57 pm

I will give my take on this, as an NT.

When people say "You Should Come." YES, they usually are being sincere and DO mean it. Every once in awhile, they may feel like they "need" to say it, just to be polite. But in general, it's sincere.

I do, usually, decide whether I like someone shortly after meeting them. Not necessarily within the first few seconds. I will know, for sure, after a decent sized conversation. I am drawn to women that dress similar to my style. To me, it just says that we have some things in common. That is in no way, the reason I like someone though. Sometimes it really is just a "feeling." I would think aspies get that same feeling sometimes, no?

"I'm busy" sometimes means that they are busy, but usually, if it's vague like that, it means they are uninterested.

You should always insist on paying, even if they say no. However, if they say no twice, they usually are being sincere and truly do want to pay. It's always a nice gesture to offer at least once.

I don't think you need to smile first to begin a conversation. Not at all!!

If you bring something to a potluck, it's not always polite to take the rest home. The person throwing the dinner party will usually ask you if you'd like to bring it home. If they don't ask, then they probably would like to keep it.

And YES, people lie to be polite. People lie way too much.

My son, who as Aspergers, never lies. I love that about him. :)


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momofmax
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12 Sep 2016, 6:03 pm

Leaguegirl-If you bring something to a potluck and it's your dish. It's not rude to ask to put the rest of the meal in one of their dishes, and wash your own, so you could take it home.


I


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momofmax
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12 Sep 2016, 6:10 pm

League_Girl wrote:
When someone never answers their phone, chances are they are deliberately not answering it so if you leave them a message and tell them to call you back and they don't, move on. Also if they never call you, it's best to assume they are not interested in you, friendship or relationship wise.

If a person turns you down three times for a date, move on. They are just not into you.

If a person doesn't initiate a conversation with you as you are talking to them, they are not interested so it's best to quit talking to them.

If a person is reading or has on head phones or is playing a game on their phone or handheld gaming system and they don't stop doing it as you speak to them, they don't want to talk and they just want to keep doing that so quit talking to them.



YES, YES, YES! You are right.


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somanyspoons
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12 Sep 2016, 6:34 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Quote:
-If you bring something to a potluck, it is polite to leave it there- not take the leftovers home.


Really? What if you made your own and brought it there and it's in your mixing bowl or serving dish or cookie sheet?

Plus I have seen people take theirs as they go.


Definitely DON'T leave your potluck dish there. That is so annoying! Then the host is left getting rid of your food. I can't tell you how many potlucks I've been to where we are left at the end of the night with everyone else's mess to deal with. A LOT of food goes in the trash this way. Its just rude to leave the potluck dish behind. Instead, ask the host "If I left this, would anyone in the house eat it?" If they say yes, figure out how much they can use and leave that. If they say no, accept this and take your flippin' dish home.



auntblabby
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12 Sep 2016, 6:44 pm

if I hosted a pot luck and people left their food at my place, that would make me very happy :chef:



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12 Sep 2016, 7:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would tell her that I understand that "the kids come first."

I'm not going through all that rigamorale!



Dude! Right? Except I had dated a mother a few times and it always ended mysteriously and quickly and I couldn't tell why. So one day I'm hanging out with a few single mothers and I tell them about this. And they trouble shooted the problem for me, which was very sweet of them. But really left me with the idea that i never want to try to date a mother again. So flipping complicated! But I'm 41. So many people have kids. And I would love to be in a close-adult-you-can-trust relationship with someone's kids, but I don't know if I can handle doing so if its going to add all of these rules.



kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2016, 7:14 pm

I'm just not THAT diplomatic. I'll take my chances LOL.

I think it depends on the woman, really. In some cases, your advice might be utterly correct.



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12 Sep 2016, 7:17 pm

auntblabby wrote:
if I hosted a pot luck and people left their food at my place, that would make me very happy :chef:


Maybe you should host one and invite the OP's friends. Sounds like you'd get a good haul. Seriously though. Think about it. This is not the kind of stuff you want to be eating for days on end. Its usually stuff that will leave you feeling sick if you try to eat it for several days. So what happens is you host your first pot luck and you think the left overs are GREAT! And you get sick eating them the whole next week. And maybe this happens one or two more times. And then you finally wise up and find yourself catching people at the door and reminding them to take their food home because its just going in the trash if they don't.



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12 Sep 2016, 7:22 pm

When I attend a potluck, what I leave behind depends on what kind of party it is and what I'm bringing:

If it's a picnic, I bring home the leftovers.

If it's a party in someone's home, and something quick and easy like cookies, pastry, sausage, or potato chips that I picked up from the store, I leave the food for the host.

If it's a party and it's a perishable food like tuna salad that has been sitting out for hours and probably already spoiling, I bring it home and throw it out ... sometimes the host is nice enough to let me wash out the dish first.

If it's wine, I let the host keep it as a gift.

...



kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2016, 7:26 pm

I enjoy "pot luck." It's a chance to eat many different kinds of foods.