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SaveFerris
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23 Sep 2016, 12:57 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
I have come to realize that with my close friends (and I have less than a handful), most of the time I am with them, they are talking probably 80-90% of the time. I listen, oftentimes out of politeness. But eventually I get bored


I relate to this also , I try to feign interest but my mind isn't always up to it. It's a horrible feeling but sometimes when someone is talking a lot even my girlfriend I feel like I'm being overloaded and want to scream "SHUT UP" ( luckily I never have)


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SaveFerris
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23 Sep 2016, 1:05 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
I am always amazed how others are so easily able to come up with things to talk about. As an example, my mother-in-law just visited. She talks and talks and talks and talks. It's like she free associates from topic to topic to topic.


Thats just women in general isn't it , my GF mum does that but she reaches a point where she starts to repeats what she's already said - it makes me think I'm having deja vu


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random1
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23 Sep 2016, 5:24 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Well, if we like it, it only makes sense for them to hate it.

lel


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Kunkali
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23 Sep 2016, 8:55 pm

Because they don't have as many interesting thoughts and/or internal voices/conversations already going through their head all the time like we do :lol:



Rocket123
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23 Sep 2016, 9:09 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Thats just women in general isn't it , my GF mum does that but she reaches a point where she starts to repeats what she's already said - it makes me think I'm having deja vu

I am hesitant to stereotype (as I don't interact with enough people to know whether this is actually a gender thing). Particularly, since one of my "close friends" (a male) can talk and talk and talk.

What I do find interesting, is that -- when they talk -- they seem to repeat the same thing time and time again. And, it's like each time they utter those words, they pretend it's the first time they have ever said it. And, I am (I think) supposed to react accordingly (i.e. like it's the first time I heard them say it). I don't get it.



SaveFerris
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23 Sep 2016, 9:35 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
[
I am hesitant to stereotype (as I don't interact with enough people to know whether this is actually a gender thing). Particularly, since one of my "close friends" (a male) can talk and talk and talk.

What I do find interesting, is that -- when they talk -- they seem to repeat the same thing time and time again. And, it's like each time they utter those words, they pretend it's the first time they have ever said it. And, I am (I think) supposed to react accordingly (i.e. like it's the first time I heard them say it). I don't get it.


Well I can only go on personal experience and some of the chattiest people I've known are woman and expressions like "mothers meeting" didn't come about because woman were quiet.

I think the people who repeat things generally have verbal diarrhea and forget what they've already said.


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AngryAngryAngry
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23 Sep 2016, 10:04 pm

Yeah, everyone is different.
Sometimes I enjoy having some music on when working. Other times I prefer absolute silence.
I think NT's aren't typical at all, they just hide their quirks out of fear, they don't want to admit to not being 'normal'.

Sometimes I repeat things, because I'm not sure that someone heard me. It is often more that they are uninterested in what I was saying (but they'll pretend to be interested), I wish they'd just tell me, then we could talk about something different. I've learned it is better to say less, and only give some interesting concentrated info. That way they want more.

SaveFerris wrote:
Me and my GF could happily sit in a room and not talk to each other for an hour maybe more.

I had this running game with my NT girlfriend. It would be silence, "lets just sit and enjoy the silence, enjoy each others company." She couldn't handle it, I would also tell her to stop thinking, she would blink lots (girls blink more often than men) and move her mouth at the corners when thinking heavily.

Rocket123 wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
I don't think it's just NT's who dislike quiet. For me the awkward silence is a sign that you have run out of things to say and I suppose it's embarrising that I'm not social enough to keep a conversation going.

I relate to this. I am not very good at keeping a conversation going. I am always amazed how others are so easily able to come up with things to talk about. As an example, my mother-in-law just visited. She talks and talks and talks and talks. It's like she free associates from topic to topic to topic.

For me, I am so singularly focused, that it's difficult to talk about anything but a few small topics (those that I am focused on most of my day). I have come to realize that with my close friends (and I have less than a handful), most of the time I am with them, they are talking probably 80-90% of the time. I listen, oftentimes out of politeness. But eventually I get bored. I suppose this is why, when I am with others, I prefer to "do things" rather than just sit around and "converse".


Well, I find people can waffle on about things for ages. Unless it is an intellectual topic. Then their brain shuts down, and infact they can get very angry if you are talking (even if it is to someone else), and they do not understand it, it seems to hurt their brain.

Kind of the way some idiots seem to waffle on about crap they don't even care about and have completely wrong info on. I'm sure thats how they spread unfactual gossip. It's probably more that something exciting to talk about is the highlight of their day. They often don't have any real depth or focus in life. Sometimes they end up old & alone if their friends die, due to them not really having any real interests or hobbies.



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23 Sep 2016, 11:01 pm

In my experience if people dislike it when I'm being quiet and not talking, it's because they think I'm ignoring them on purpose, like I'm mad at them, or acting snobby. Not everyone hates it, but for those who do, it seems to be because it makes them feel insecure.



random1
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24 Sep 2016, 9:55 am

dianthus wrote:
In my experience if people dislike it when I'm being quiet and not talking, it's because they think I'm ignoring them on purpose, like I'm mad at them, or acting snobby. Not everyone hates it, but for those who do, it seems to be because it makes them feel insecure.

so quietness
is not normal


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SaveFerris
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24 Sep 2016, 10:17 am

AngryAngryAngry wrote:

I had this running game with my NT girlfriend. It would be silence, "lets just sit and enjoy the silence, enjoy each others company." She couldn't handle it, I would also tell her to stop thinking, she would blink lots (girls blink more often than men) and move her mouth at the corners when thinking heavily.


Me and my GF are only able to do this because we know each other so well. It's almost as if she cant read my thought's. She often says "What?" when I am still planning what to say in my head.


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random1
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24 Sep 2016, 11:46 am

SaveFerris wrote:
AngryAngryAngry wrote:

I had this running game with my NT girlfriend. It would be silence, "lets just sit and enjoy the silence, enjoy each others company." She couldn't handle it, I would also tell her to stop thinking, she would blink lots (girls blink more often than men) and move her mouth at the corners when thinking heavily.


Me and my GF are only able to do this because we know each other so well. It's almost as if she cant read my thought's. She often says "What?" when I am still planning what to say in my head.

why


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SaveFerris
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24 Sep 2016, 12:36 pm

random1 wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
AngryAngryAngry wrote:

I had this running game with my NT girlfriend. It would be silence, "lets just sit and enjoy the silence, enjoy each others company." She couldn't handle it, I would also tell her to stop thinking, she would blink lots (girls blink more often than men) and move her mouth at the corners when thinking heavily.


Me and my GF are only able to do this because we know each other so well. It's almost as if she cant read my thought's. She often says "What?" when I am still planning what to say in my head.

why


For me it's because I feel comfortable in her presence and relax , I don't feel the need to be social , I couldn't do this with someone I didn't know so well as I feel my lack in social skills would become obvious - I always thought I had a "don't give a s**t attitude" to what people think of me but actually I do care which causes me problems.


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JakeASD
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24 Sep 2016, 1:08 pm

I surmise that many neurotypicals find silence quite uncomfortable and thus rather difficult to bear.

I cannot speak on behalf of the rest of the autistic population but I do - and suspect always will - find it incredibly difficult to keep a conversation going. I sometimes respond to what someone has said by shifting my gaze to a blank spot on the floor whilst smiling awkwardly. I have found this is an effective way in which to scare people.


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faxe_
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24 Sep 2016, 3:04 pm

I hate dead quiet in and of itself... I need music, rhythm, white noise, birds tweeting, something to fill the air or I will get anxious as hell and start stimming in ways I would fundamentally rather avoid. But as for talking with people... yeah, I don't understand the compulsion some NT people have to just keep talking as long as they're in the same room with me. Like why does a conversation have to occur? Can't we be in the same space together and just chill? My brain will handle everything better if we just converse by text anyway. That's one reason I really appreciate my husband; we can be in the same room together, minding our own business, and only talk out loud if we both want to. We'll often just message each other on our devices, and it's so much more comfortable.

Edit: Also, @JakeASD, your avatar and your signature make me so unbelievably happy.


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random1
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24 Sep 2016, 7:32 pm

is quiet not normal then


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SaveFerris
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24 Sep 2016, 7:42 pm

random1 wrote:
is quiet not normal then


I would say for NT's quiet is not normal in a social situation unless your very very drunk , off your head on drugs or concentrating on something.


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