A Small In-Depth Study of Late Diagnosed Women

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kraftiekortie
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28 Sep 2016, 7:09 pm

I wish this wasn't so----but guilt feelings are almost universal.

One must not question the validity of one's feelings. Nor should anybody question that validity.

I have found that, sometimes, a detached, clinical approach can work wonders.

I feel like I "enabled" the abuse in some way--but I don't feel like I'm exactly culpable.

I'm glad you're in a "decent place" now. For you deserve it.



B19
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28 Sep 2016, 7:19 pm

Many abusers deliberately condition their victims to feel responsible for the abuse, they use a verbal scripted monologue to condition the victim to take the blame, often along with the threats of telling anyone. Because of fear, the child is thrown into a state of extreme focus and attention, and that coupled with repetitive suggestion from a power abuser is a highly suggestible state that is akin to a hypnotic trance. This is almost never addressed in the literature, unfortunately.

This may be why you experienced that sense of illogical guilt. It is a crime in itself that abusers do this, because it is yet another harmful action they perpetrate on the innocent, knowingly. It speaks volumes about their utterly self-serving lies and manipulations.

Because these evil suggestions are implanted at a subconscious level, overcoming them usually needs an intervention on this level too; some of the good therapists who specialise in this area of recovery use hypnotic suggestion to rescript that part of the subconscious (though not many) although it requires a lot of trust in the practitioner to be established first and is not something to rush into. Unfortunately some therapists are egotistical abusers too.

Scripts like that are like viruses in our computers - they steathily cause havoc, until we know they are there and what to do about them. I hope your find a way to resolve the guilt that was loaded onto you, whatever works for you.



Twilightprincess
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28 Sep 2016, 8:23 pm

B19 wrote:
Many abusers deliberately condition their victims to feel responsible for the abuse, they use a verbal scripted monologue to condition the victim to take the blame, often along with the threats of telling anyone. Because of fear, the child is thrown into a state of extreme focus and attention, and that coupled with repetitive suggestion from a power abuser is a highly suggestible state that is akin to a hypnotic trance. This is almost never addressed in the literature, unfortunately.

This may be why you experienced that sense of illogical guilt. It is a crime in itself that abusers do this, because it is yet another harmful action they perpetrate on the innocent, knowingly. It speaks volumes about their utterly self-serving lies and manipulations.

Because these evil suggestions are implanted at a subconscious level, overcoming them usually needs an intervention on this level too; some of the good therapists who specialise in this area of recovery use hypnotic suggestion to rescript that part of the subconscious (though not many) although it requires a lot of trust in the practitioner to be established first and is not something to rush into. Unfortunately some therapists are egotistical abusers too.

Scripts like that are like viruses in our computers - they steathily cause havoc, until we know they are there and what to do about them. I hope your find a way to resolve the guilt that was loaded onto you, whatever works for you.

I probably should try therapy again. It's hard to find a therapist that I gel with. I get really anxious talking to people face to face.

I do remember instances where I was told it was my fault and so I was too ashamed to say anything.



B19
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28 Sep 2016, 8:34 pm

That loss of voice (and the feeling of inward collapse that goes with it) is an acute sensation of powerlessness, and finding that voice, and using it again and witnessing your voice being heard, is one of the most powerful signs of healing. To name what happened to us, how it affected us, how unacceptable it was, are steps along the way. It is a tragic injustice that so many victims are blamed for the actions of abusers.

Personally I think facilitated single sex survivor groups give a lot of people the confidence and validation to name those unspoken feelings for the first time. We need to hear ourselves speak the truth, and we need other people (safe people) to hear it too, and reflect that they have heard and believed what has been said back to us.

The combination of [validation + support + respect + time + safety] is a powerful healing combination that can facilitates real change for people and promote huge steps in recovery.