Urgent!! ! Sensory overload and violent impulses

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28 Sep 2016, 11:07 am

So I've been out all day in an extremely chaotic atmosphere (celebration), traveling with friends with super loud music, too many people around and social interactions.

These friends now told me they want to go out again in a few hours and I'm in the room crying and feeling in physical pain because it's like all the sensory overload is exploding now. I told them I don't feel well and that I'm extremely asleep and they implied they'd get mad at me if I won't come.

A friend said I'm making up stories and illnesses.

Then they said I should make an effort just once because it's a graduation party.
We had already partied two days ago and all day today. They want to do it again tonight.

I'm very stressed out and have violent urges. I feel like I've been pushed to the limit and I'm snapping at everyone. Whatever I say they think I lie or make up stories. They don't understand or even remotely know what a sensory overload is and if I told them I wouldn't care.

I'm stuck between thinking how guilty they are making me feel and not giving a f**k because my health (and sanity) come first.

I also smoked weed and feel like my head is in a vacuum.
I'm tired of people treating me like I'm just like everyone else and only make up stories.

One in particular belittled my use of psych meds. He wanted me to drink strong alcohol, I said it's dangerous to take meds with it and he said what meds do you even take? In an arrogant tone when I take 4 different types of psych meds (included benzodiazepines, pretty dangerous if mixed with alcohol). He feels like I'm just making things up.

I pushed myself to the limit to celebrate with a friend but now I'm stuck in this sensory hell (emotional too) and I hate when people pressure me so much and then get mad and call me selfish.



SaveFerris
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28 Sep 2016, 11:35 am

Fanatic Heretic wrote:
.....and not giving a f**k because my health (and sanity) come first.


IMHO This should be your number 1 priority


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Tufted Titmouse
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28 Sep 2016, 7:08 pm

I just hate the arrogance of people saying "but you're going to sleep for a few hours so there is no reason not to go out again".
I hate whoever tells me what to do when they don't know s**t about my different way of existing in this world. I hate when people use manipulative tactics or try to make you feel ashamed and guilty for declining an invitation or not being like them. It makes me have violent reactions. I would never tell others what they're supposed to do or pretend to know how much time they need to rest.

My autism goes relatively invisible when I'm with other people. Everything happens inside my head, so most people, especially the ones with zero knowledge about ASD don't think there's anything inherently different in me, so they are demanding and if I try to tell them what my needs are they just say I'm weird, selfish or making things up. Or exaggerating.

There is a lot of arrogance around me. I'm never like that, pushing people, insisting they do something they don't feel like doing, telling them they make things up when they feel bad....
I think it's a very immature behavior and also controlling. I've had enough of controlling people so now I fight back even if it's a close friend. I'm fed up.



racheypie666
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28 Sep 2016, 7:17 pm

Ignore your friends, they're being dicks, and stay at home for your own health/sanity. If you go out with them and snap or do anything violent then you'll likely do more damage to the friendship than if you just stay in. I spent all last week with my family, not a moment to myself, and by Saturday I was wound very tight; I snapped and said a few things I regretted but in fairness they do know that I need to take time out, and they chose to ignore it.

Sometimes everyone else is being selfish; you need to be selfish too.



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28 Sep 2016, 7:56 pm

I stayed at home and it's the best decision I made. I was already snapping at them in the car before going home. I felt really close to getting physically violent.

I have less energy to cope with sensory and social stuff lately. I don't know if this is the consequence of years trying to fit in or be like others socially and not realizing I'm really wired differently and that I should act accordingly in order to feel better.
I feel like a candle that's getting smaller and smaller.
I do need to rest and I don't accept other people telling me how long and how.

Yes, they choose to ignore when other people feel bad and uncomfortable. Isn't it the epitome of selfishness? I truly think they project a lot here....



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28 Sep 2016, 8:01 pm

What worries me now is that I slept and all but I still can't calm down.
As I said I even smoked weed and while it was great at the beginning, the final part left me more tired than usual. Add this to sensory overload, being tired and lack of sleep and you have an explosive mix.

If I'm still having a hard time calming down now that I stayed home I can't even imagine what I would have done or how I would have felt if I had decided to go out again.



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28 Sep 2016, 8:28 pm

Your friends aren't being good friends -- they're being selfish jerks. I'm glad you took care of yourself.


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29 Sep 2016, 9:02 am

animalcrackers wrote:
Your friends aren't being good friends -- they're being selfish jerks. I'm glad you took care of yourself.


Thanks. Yep, I learned this the hard way. It's extremely important for people on the spectrum to figure out when they're pushing themselves to the limit, so they can take a break before triggering mental and physical exhaustion meltdowns, shutdowns, etc.

The worst thing I always do is assume people understand what I explain to them or that my disabilities are always obvious. I keep hearing people say I make up illnesses or hide behind my issues. It's the epitome of arrogance to accuse friends of lying about something as serious as their mental health. It's also immature as hell. There is no need to snap at me for saying I don't want to go out again (after we've been together all day) because I'm feeling bad, tired, stressed out, in the middle of a meltdown or simply want to be left alone. If you can't handle someone declining an invitation, you need to seriously grow up. I don't owe you anything. I have a right to put myself and my own needs first, especially if this means maintaining my sanity and dignity. I never pressure friends into doing stuff for me. It's bad behavior. It goes against my personality and against my values. I'm just stupid cause I often assume other people are like that too.

(Note: I use "you" in an impersonal way here)