How do I tell my partner I don't like him going "ssshhh"?

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Um, because if I was told to STFU I don't think I would be very fond of it either.

I don't do relationships the way internet advice always says, which is "if he doesn't like it, then he's not a very good boyfriend to begin with", because that's why so many relationships don't last these days. I'm sure he won't mind if I told him that it makes me feel annoyed when he shushes me, but I still feel awkward about it.

Last edited by Joe90 on 29 Sep 2016, 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Where did he grow up?

On some isolated mountaintop where there was no sound?


Even if he didnt you could say "this is the big city", or "the suburbs"(whatever it is you live in), so we outdoor sounds all of the time. So deal with it!

In other words, so many relationships don't last because people are freer than they used to be to refuse to take so much crap from a partner. I'd say good riddance.



You still have to choose one way or the other, and it'll be your responsibility and yours alone.

By the way, how would you like it if you found out your boyfriend is asking random strangers on the Internet what to do about a problem he has with you, rather than talking to you directly?

He grew up in London, and has lived in another city here in Essex ever since.

I should tell him this quote Ade Edmundson from BBC's "Bottom" said in one of their episodes:-

'Well there's bound to be something out there, love. You can't expect the whole universe, and it's entire contents, to be confined within a small apartment!'

I altered the quote a bit, but I do love that quote.

A lot of people go to internet forums for relationship advice.

Then I hope you're not upset if a criminal stabs you one day, because a lot of criminals stab people all the time.

More seriously, though, I suspect those people aren't usually the ones in happy and long-lasting relationships. If I had a girlfriend, it'd piss me off if I couldn't trust her above anyone else and the last thing I'd want is to get others involved in our issues. If she rejected this ultimate mutual trust, she might as well not be my girlfriend at all.

I think generally people find it rude when someone shushes them and would be upset about it. I mean I could see if they really need to hear something or they're watching t.v and you start talking that being more appropriate but then it's a response to them being interrupted. But if you're talking to someone and they just keep shushing you then yes, that is very rude of them.

If you're sure he won't mind why are you so nervous to express that to him? I mean I have to say my concern is he may be treating you as an inferior. I'd say tell him you don't like it and see how he reacts...

Actually, it worked pretty well. The intimidation factor only comes because they expected everyone to fall in line and I didn't do as they planned. In order to get marked crazy, you have to go on and on about it. One sentence isn't going to do that.

And if they come back with a "what are you going to do about it" I would just turn and walk away. I might even say, "nothing." But I would keep up the WTF look. They are the one acting crazy. At that point, it's really not worth it to escalate things further. If they are like that, they are likely not very well, emotionally and I don't want to be in the way of someone who's really wired. And if they are coming back at me like that and we are friends or spouses or something - well, that relationship needs to end. I don't do abusive relationships and what you are describing crosses the line.

There's this trick with people who have generally good intentions, but have said something f-ed up. You simply repeat back to them what they've said. "You just said that that man deserved to be murdered at a traffic stop." (at someone who comments that all these cop killings are justified) or "Did I hear you right that people with disabilities shouldn't be allowed at your work?" (at someone complaining about ADA requirements.) You just rephrase the awful thing they said. Often hearing it come back at them will make them think twice about what they've said. Also, it's harder for them to get offended because you are just saying the same thing they said. Its a de-escalation technique. And no, it doesn't work on real bullies. Its for people who are usually good people.

Oh, I don't know an answer. Maybe he likes shushing, and doesn't know he's being rude. But being shushed isn't usually something people make a big deal about, which is why I don't want to tell him that I don't like being shushed. I just make a big deal about it because my stupid mindset is weird I suppose.

But this thread has gone off on a tangent here. I will remember in future to never get advice about my relationship again, as it's not right, apparently. I'm sorry.

Tell him every time he makes that sound it triggers a silent fart and you feel really embarrased about it.

Ask your partner what he is shhssing at, say something like "am I being loud or are you shsshing something else?"
If your partner says that the shssing is about outside noise tell them that when its done it makes you feel bad because you take it personaly and ask them to try not to do it.

Joe, please don't be upset with us.

Just tell him you don't like it when he goes "sssshh."

honesty is the best policy

Be honest with him and tell him you don't like being shushed at.

It's your typical black guy stare meme.
I hate shhhing too... I rather hear STFU, it's more appreciable than that resounding bs.