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Joined: 22 Oct 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 696

18 Dec 2016, 4:16 am

beelzemutt wrote:
schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
i was in your exact position at your age.
6 years later, and....

i'm completely f'ed and have been isolated and forgotten about the entire time.
maybe if you get help you can get through it though. i hope so because nobody deserves this.

I want help so badly, I see people everyday as I'm still in school and it makes me sick I actually need breaks 10 times a day so I don't throw up or break down it's not just fear it's some odd feeling of not belonging and a feeling I get near only people I can't directly look at peoples faces and I'm always trying to block my sight with hats and s**t even though I get in trouble for wearing them. I went to a mental hospital recently they didn't bother to get to know me before saying there wasn't anybody willing to work with a loser like me who doesn't talk and I just wanted to run out and get hit by a car ( I've been in this process a lot of times and rejection now is like a punch in already gaping wound ) anyway point being I want help but it's probably not gonna happen and I'm stuck. Hope things get better for you, nobody deserves this. I'd chat with you if I could but I find it hard to even online.

I sincerely hope that what I'm about to say doesn't repulse you but listen: You DO NOT want to die, EVER. The whole purpose of life is the small things, and when you are depressed or unhappy your brain begins to alienate what you find most grounding, and sets you off into a turbulent deepness of thought which you find alien and unwelcoming. Also, you have to realize that it is not yours, or in essence OUR fault, but it is the rigidity and the confusion of society which is unwilling to yield to us and our abilities simply due to fear. Most of human progress has been made by people in our position, those with "difficulties", but these cowardly people have us contribute to THEIR world, then discard us once we've contributed what THEY think is our utmost capability. You and I are both capable of many things, and perhaps you can use your emotional reaction to the situation you're in to fuel some sort of progress, something that will help ground you, like music or arts, something that can be just YOURS and something that isn't mandated by society.