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SacredSilence
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16 Feb 2017, 2:59 pm

Greetings WP'ers. Long time member here who was off WP for several years, lost my password, and no longer have the recovery email address. I'll keep my introduction short, as I do in my every day interactions. I was diagnosed in 1997 at age 10, had much back and forth with teachers, doctors, and a father who does not believe in Aspergers. I believe I have grown out of a number of my symptoms, most notably, facial tics. They used to be disruptive and got me into much trouble at school. Thankfully, the only one I seem to carry is a mild flaring of the nostrils, which is rarely (twice in 10 years) noticed.

The nature of this topic stems from my strict adherence to routine. It is uncanny, I step out of the shower at 4:19 every morning, out the door at 4:29, and at work at 4:47, without even thinking. I work two jobs, set schedule, six days a week, and that's how I like it. Sunday is my one day off. I'm not particularly religious, you could call me a teetering agnostic, but Sundays off seem to suit me. My job Wed-Sat begins at 5am, perfect for a natural morning person like myself. My alarm goes off at 3:45, I'm usually up already, watching the CBS Overnight News, so the alarm is more of a failsafe. For the longest time, I would have a terrible headache on Sundays, which I eventually figured out, was due to sleep hangover. I go to bed at 8pm every night, and even on Sunday, my alarm still sounds at 3:45.

Now, I am not a fan of change, never have been. I finally got it together and moved out of my mother's at age 26. Since then, I have been living alone, in a small but sufficient apartment, 20 minutes from a small New England city. In the interest of privacy, I will only tell you that I work in the service industry making about $11/hr. Not rich, but for a single man with reasonable rent, I live pretty comfortably.

From where I stand, there is no need to change anything. As I see it right now, I am going to continue to working for the same employer, and living in the same apartment for the rest of my life. I have absolutely zero romantic prospects, and, because I do not trust myself, never will. My firmly held belief is that I should remain single for life. I am 30 years old. I have no real interests, I haven't had a vacation in five years, nor do I ever anticipate taking one. I don't even like having two-day weekends, which recently happend due to a blizzard. Among aspies, am I unusual in my outlook? Does anyone else basically have their life planned out? And is it as plain and boring as mine? (work, takeout lunch, smoke pot and watch TV/Xbox until bedtime)

Thanks.



Last edited by SacredSilence on 16 Feb 2017, 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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16 Feb 2017, 3:03 pm

As long as you're happy in this life, why not pursue it?

It isn't harming anybody. And it isn't harming yourself.

I wouldn't be surprised if, sometime in the future, you might want friendships and/or romance.

But, as of now, as long as you're content, why not keep it the way it is for now?



SacredSilence
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16 Feb 2017, 3:20 pm

Thing is, I have never been good at making friends. I quit trying a long time ago. It was never worth the time investment, and my social ineptitude put up new roadblocks at every turn. I really can't see going out and making friends at this point. I'm not even 100% sure I've ever even had a true friend. The line between friend and acquaintance has always been blurry for me, and more than I'd like to admit, I mistakenly though someone was a friend.

I've more or less adopted a policy of personal distance. Other than the fact that I buy weed from a coworkers roommate, I really don't talk to anyone outside of work. I visit family on Sundays, but other than that, from the moment I leave work and pick up my lunch, I rarely speak another word the rest of the day.

I find it's easier not to have friends, so I tend to push people away, as politely as possible. It's the classic aspie difficulty, I find it hard to read emotions, body language, tone of voice, etc. I also tend to run my mouth. Rather than get into a friendship or relationship, have it end badly like it always does, leave the both of us a little angrier and a little more bitter and jaded, I just mind my own business and don't try to make friends.

To make a long post short, I really don't know if I'm content with how my life is going, but it seems to work, and theres no point in fixing something thats already working. Perhaps contentment is something you learn, rather than experience.



Johs98
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16 Feb 2017, 3:43 pm

Do I have my life figured out? It would be if I had a real job, had enough of this zero hours contract.



Scorpius14
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16 Feb 2017, 3:55 pm

If you would compare computer programming to life, i'd say no, the penny hasn't dropped on life yet, as with everything it's taken 5 or more years to understand one little simple thing that comes so naturally to other people or NT's.



burnt_orange
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16 Feb 2017, 3:59 pm

No. I haven't started planning until recently. I enjoy a plain life in some ways, but need more excitement than that. Plus others are involved in my life. They make this s**t crazy.



SacredSilence
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16 Feb 2017, 4:19 pm

Scorpius14 wrote:
as with everything it's taken 5 or more years to understand one little simple thing that comes so naturally to other people or NT's.


Boy ain't that the truth!

I picked up a few lessons that life was trying to hammer in there back in 2012. Thats when my last(and only) sexual relationship ended. I should say I picked up the "seeds" of those lessons, no idea why, but one day I was doing a little reflective thinking and a couple of the big ones clicked. Thats when I realized the true motives of the woman I had been going with. Thats when I also realized how terrible of a boyfriend I was. Thats when I resolved to never get into another relationship.

As for friendships, here ya go. I'm basically the guy in the ballcap.



Edna3362
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16 Feb 2017, 4:24 pm

Nope. Maybe I never would be. :lol: Even if I seem (or at least supposedly) content with my current situation, I always know (or even hope) it will never last.

I have a feeling that I won't likely be staying in one place unless it's hidden and secluded, where no one else is involved.
Or at least, that's the life I want. I'll be stuck if other people are involved.



All I know is that I do not plan to marry or have children. Or have my life revolve around a person in long terms, or have any person revolve around me.


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CockneyRebel
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16 Feb 2017, 10:14 pm

I'm living on my own and I have a job, so I guess I can say that I have my life figured out.


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Dear_one
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16 Feb 2017, 11:20 pm

I know a lot more about my life than I did while it was happening, but I still can't guide it well into the unknown. My early assumptions were a bit simplistic. The Golden Rule is great, but I learned that what I want is not a good guide to what a wife wants. I felt a sense of lack around emotional involvement, and then it turned out to be not worth the hassle at all.
My advice is to recognize that while you have found a comfortable niche, these are turbulent times, and change is likely to find you sooner than you might expect. Friends are very good to have at such times. Also, you could be enjoying life more if you had a more enriched environment.
To evolve at a comfortable pace, you might try adding some TED talks on YouTube to your evening entertainment. There are lots of weirdos like us, but passionate about various specialties they have discovered. You might also try "keeping yourself on a leash" the next time opportunity for a face-time friend comes around. Get a timer to remind you to let the other person talk half the time. You might find a support group, such as Adult Children Anonymous where it is safe to experiment. There are many in your generation who probably prefer to text, and might appreciate a "learning how" friendship. My own best relationships have come when I've shared my problems as something to be overcome.



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17 Feb 2017, 1:34 am

P.S. - I suspect that your educators were very focussed on the goal of independent living for you, without considering that the "living" part might not come naturally either. The energy for pursuit of happiness usually comes automatically, and our fumbles along the way are our true education.



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17 Feb 2017, 4:20 am

For the most part, yes, for most of what needs to be done, now it's just about obtaining and maintaining and protecting all of the necessary resources from these criminals who run the government to bring world-freedom.


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17 Feb 2017, 6:45 am

More or less, yes. I'm planning to change school and move out of home this year - at least that'll be the start of it. Whatever else happens along the way, I'll take it without complaint.


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17 Feb 2017, 7:43 am

My life is pretty planned out for an NT. Work the same hours on the weekend - every weekend. Mon-Fri I do homework, watch the news, clean house, do HOA secretary duties, or read or knit, etc. I always have something to fill my time. Every now and then I will shake up the schedule and go out to dinner with a friend or my Ma or take her to her doctor's appointments. I'm pretty much drama-free. I don't take vacations as I would rather spend the money on something for the house. I suppose if I ever met anyone "worthy", I could go out on Friday night, but my weekends are already taken for "work night" instead of "date night" which already goes against most people's schedules.


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17 Feb 2017, 3:29 pm

My life is far from planned out but nowadays I have a general gist of 'what I want', even if I still consider myself borderline inapplicable in the life game for my differences, the fact I have no friends, no social events to attend, no one other than family that I even speak to in person. In any case you can't imagine what it is like to mentally improve after being in a dark place for so long. Some years ago, going back to get my degree would have been inconceivable; at my worst I could barely get dressed or remember my own age thanks to the depression. It is ghastly that I can't even remember the better part of the last 6-7 years, because I was on standby doing nothing at all, with no new memories to make.
Now I am slowly beginning to stop denying myself the things I want, and return to my goal of getting into the science field, become self-sufficient, and most importantly gain new understanding of my interests. In this way I feel I have a plan.
I have a strong suspicion I'll probably never improve much in the social department though. Every experience I have had of friends and events leads to disaster. Therefore my plans often revolve around the need to prepare as much as possible for a transition to full independence minus a partner, or friends.


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17 Feb 2017, 8:28 pm

Yes and no. Some parts I have sorted out quite well, but not everything. I will be paying off my student loan debt for a long time yet due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control. My original plan was to have it paid off by now, but I had to help family members get though some tough times financially plus the economic downturn of 2008 put a dent in my employment plans.