Can an autistic person have better social skills than an NT?

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Xardas
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18 Mar 2017, 7:51 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I thought people were divorcing more because it's socially acceptable now and back then there were a lot of unhappy couples and people just slept in different rooms. Basically you had to be very wealthy to get a divorce. I have noticed a pattern that people who divorced in the early 1900's were all rich or a celebrity.


What you say perhaps explains some fraction of the rise in divorce rates. But it does not explain all of it.

For example if divorce rates increased by 50% over the last decades (it is just my guesstimate, I don't have statistical data at hand), then perhaps only 10% can be attributed to what you mentioned, and 40% must be attributed to other factors. These other factors include things such as couples being actually less happy today than they used to be in the past, people being more materialistic and more capricious, meaning that they are more likely to divorce for petty and trivial reasons. Some people also marry for things such as money, instead of love - and these couples are more likely to get divorced.

League_Girl wrote:
because it's socially acceptable now


But a divorce is usually a tragedy (even if a socially acceptable tragedy). And children suffer the most.

Of course sometimes divorce is the best solution, but very often it is better to try to fix your marriage.

But people prefer the "easier way" and break up. Later many of them regret, here is a good example:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... ss-42.html

League_Girl wrote:
I have noticed a pattern that people who divorced in the early 1900's were all rich or a celebrity.


Actually nothing has changed here.

Some celebrities get divorced literally once a year. And they marry a new partner each year.

They think that a marriage is like a date.

I'm not sure why they even marry, if they already know that it is not going to last for long?

Edit:

They probably seek attention. When celebrities marry and get divorced, it is all over the media.

Many celebrities like to be attention hoes (like this guy from the video, just in different ways):

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... tion%20Hoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi8ShAosqzI



naturalplastic
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18 Mar 2017, 8:30 pm

An NT raised by wolves, when compared to an autistic person from a rich family who sent them to finishing school might well come up wanting in the social skills arena compared to the second person. :lol:



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19 Mar 2017, 12:56 am

I agree that family is an important point. I think not necessary money, but education level, care, security, attention, love is a determinant point.



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19 Mar 2017, 7:55 am

Well, I stand by my original point that if they have learned enough social skills to make autism less noticeable, They wouldn't be autistic anymore, by the very definition.


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19 Mar 2017, 2:21 pm

The answer to the OP's question is: Improbable, but certainly not impossible. Anything can be learned. Of course, if your IQ is really low that's going to be really difficult...


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20 Mar 2017, 11:10 am

Pieplup it is more complicated than that, as are many things in life; and appearances can be deceiving. Personally, I would say I am better in some social situations than some NTs. Success in a social situation is affected by more than just base social talent. Humour, understanding relevant topics of conversation, attitude, quick thinking, prior knowledge of the people involved, etc. can all play a part in the level of success of a social interaction.



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30 Jun 2017, 3:15 pm

Lunella wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Do you need to be "normal" to be a neckbeard and not have any mental disorders or any mental illnesses?

No. Aspies can be neckbeards as well. But I think a lot of them are NT or at least non-autistic.


https://www.reddit.com/r/neckbeardstories/

Legbeard = girl neckbeard.

I think neckbeards are just a variety of people autistic or not, possibly with other mental health / neurology conditions and they get lumped into this forum for lack of self awareness.

Define Social skills.


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30 Jun 2017, 4:29 pm

I think it's possible but probably rare for an 'average aspie' (whatever that is) to have better skills than an 'average nt'.


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30 Jun 2017, 4:36 pm

I don't interact with a lot of people, but I notice at at the doctor's office, I am very polite, calm, and respectful to the receptionists, even when there are problems to work out, whereas a lot of other people are rude and impatient.

But in terms of 'shooting the breeze' and just making small talk - no, I suck at that. Last time the receptionist said something about the weather, and her dog, and I said 'oh'.



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01 Jul 2017, 8:51 am

Ganondox wrote:
So, I'm wondering is that if considering the studies have been finding people's social skills are getting worse due to less interaction with each other because of entertainment and whatnot, and the fact autistic children get explicitly taught social skills, is it possible for the autistic person to actually end up with better social skills than their neurotypical peers in the end?

No.



Last edited by Chichikov on 01 Jul 2017, 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

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01 Jul 2017, 8:58 am

Corny wrote:
The reason why we're better at it is because we're honest. Most autistics are more honest and blunt than people that aren't.

"Does this make me look fat?"
"Yes."

That's not good social skills though, is it? Good social skills include knowing when to lie to spare other people's feelings. The fact that you don't understand this in a way proves why people with ASD struggle with social skills. To give you another example....I'm just not interested in other people and I think that's a large part of why my own social skills are poor. People with good skills seem to be interested in people, seem to want to ask questions and want to get to know people, they want to reciprocate stories and anecdotes. Interest in people is something you can't learn and it's something you can only fake to a certain degree. Most conversations with me end after one, maybe two interactions. I can't keep the conversation flowing because I don't really want to, I don't have anything to ask, I have no interest in this person and that's it....I'm pretending to have just received a text message that I need to deal with immediately.



sydthekid
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01 Jul 2017, 9:48 am

Chichikov wrote:
Corny wrote:
The reason why we're better at it is because we're honest. Most autistics are more honest and blunt than people that aren't.

"Does this make me look fat?"
"Yes."

That's not good social skills though, is it? Good social skills include knowing when to lie to spare other people's feelings. The fact that you don't understand this in a way proves why people with ASD struggle with social skills. To give you another example....I'm just not interested in other people and I think that's a large part of why my own social skills are poor. People with good skills seem to be interested in people, seem to want to ask questions and want to get to know people, they want to reciprocate stories and anecdotes. Interest in people is something you can't learn and it's something you can only fake to a certain degree. Most conversations with me end after one, maybe two interactions. I can't keep the conversation flowing because I don't really want to, I don't have anything to ask, I have no interest in this person and that's it....I'm pretending to have just received a text message that I need to deal with immediately.


You've described how I feel in regards to interest in people. I'm not diagnosed with ASD. I was going to get an assessment, but decided not to. I often find it difficult hold conversations with people when it's not on certain topics. This is especially true when it comes to small talk. What makes it worse it that I'm generally not interested in having these conversations. So, I'm putting in effort to do something that I find challenging with little to no payoff. I don't dislike people and I wouldn't say that I'm disinterested in them as a person like I don't care about them, but I often just don't want to talk to them. I don't get enjoyment out of it like they seem to get. I don't want to be perceived negatively or misunderstood either. So, I will socialize when I don't want to anyway to an extent. It's so draining.

How do you navigate this?



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01 Jul 2017, 10:40 am

sydthekid wrote:
How do you navigate this?

If only I knew myself. I'll let one of the many people who think they have better social skills than NTs explain it to us both :)



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01 Jul 2017, 11:06 am

Chichikov wrote:
Corny wrote:
The reason why we're better at it is because we're honest. Most autistics are more honest and blunt than people that aren't.

"Does this make me look fat?"
"Yes."

That's not good social skills though, is it? Good social skills include knowing when to lie to spare other people's feelings. .


With regards to your example if my GF asks me a question like that I always ask her if she wants an honest answer.

I think I am clued up enough to lie to spare peoples feelings most of the time ( mistakes do happen though) but I just feel crap for lying :roll:


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01 Jul 2017, 12:05 pm

If I'm able to understand that telling the truth might hurt the other person, then I ignore their questions because I can't lie spontaneously. There are times that I'm not able to understand though.



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01 Jul 2017, 12:08 pm

It's not necessarily entirely impossible, but I do have my doubts as to whether it's common.


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