Out of sync ?

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All my life I have felt out of sync as though I am marching to a different beat of the drum . I struggle to see where I belong. I question whether I am neurodiverse but also sense I am not straightforwardly neurotypical.
Perhaps I'm best described as the odd person out .

Bump. Would be interested on others views on being 'out of sync', and unsure whether neurodiverse or neurotypical.

I feel this way myself. I think my feelings have to do with how large the spectrum is, though. Sometimes when I read other people's experiences with ASD, they seem to have traits that are 10x more intense than my own and I start to doubt whether my own traits are "enough" to fit the label as well. I know for a fact that I am not NT because I have always been so different than everyone else, but at the same time I still wonder how ND I am really am. Sometimes I relate and sometimes I don't. I suppose this is the whole reason why ASD is on a spectrum, though.

I don't think it's better or worse to be NT or ND. I'm curious though as to where I best fit. ND or perhaps atypically NT?
It doesn't help that words like NT and ND are bandied about, but it is hard to pinpoint exactly what makes a person NT or ND.
I just know as a child/teenager I was different from my peers and indeed different from my younger siblings.

This is my life and my childhood in a nutshell. In short, I have always been out of step with most people around me. For example as a child I hated hockey. My grandfather, father and brother all crowded around watching Hockey Night in Canada. When I suddenly got an interest around 1995, I was all alone in that interest and have been ever since.

Some of my earliest memories were me in preschool going off and doing my own thing. I was always treated well and accepted (at least until I turned 10) but just had no interest in what my classmates cared about.

My AQ testing score is 28, which puts me between NT and AS. I definitely have strong indicators of Asperger syndrome. I have intense special interests which are far different from other people's, both in type and intensity.

Very out of sync and operate in my own way separate from others, which has to be accommodated for by them.

likewise except that not only do i question where i belong, but i doubt that i belong anywhere.

where i live, almost everyone completely ignores me almost all the time.

and that could be "As Good As it Gets."

they sense that i am weird. and they are correct.

likewise except that not only do i question where i belong, but i doubt that i belong anywhere.

where i live, almost everyone completely ignores me almost all the time.

and that could be "As Good As it Gets."

they sense that i am weird. and they are correct.

I often feel left out in an abstract, penultimate way, as if everyone else is benignly in on the same crucial piece of information that I must catch somehow or else face the rest of my life alone. I don't think whatever it is properly exists, though.
Finding oneself out of sync with the rest of the world and the people in it can serve as some protection from that big tangle of people and their misunderstandings. Sometimes I genuinely don't care to be on the same level as others, especially if I'm feeling depressed. Dissociation is an in-built prophylactic against all that chaos.

I feel very out of sync, always have.
I am not AS.
I have emotional dysregulation due to some very traumatic events in my teenage years. I am now in my early forties.
Where I find it difficult is that for the most part, I am NT.
I understand all aspects of NT thinking and operating; all aspects of that brain function very well.
The problem for me lays in the fact that I think the 'general' NT way of life is often shallow, and well, just a lot of BS really. I don't have to "pass" to have interactions on a daily basis; but I dislike them as I don't like all the small talk. To me, people just don't feel like they are being 'real' or their 'true' selves.
Since my early youth I have always been socially popular even though it wasn't something I wanted or enjoyed all that much. I think people found my aloofness and rebellion kind of cool for whatever reason.
It's almost like I have the guts to be myself when others are simply too scared of what others will think of them if they were to do the same.
I have never had a problem with socialising other than the fact that I simply don't like it to last more than 10-15 minutes. For me it's overwhelming simply because I feel it difficult to connect with another person on a deeper level unless we are discussing something I find interesting and not just talking about the weather for example.
Now that I'm older I think NT's have 3 different ways in which they view me:

1. She is a little left of the centre and I can't quite work her out and not sure what her intentions are, therefor I find her a threat
2. She is really interesting and an honest communicator and I like that, let's hang out.
3. She is an attractive woman and has chosen to stay single for 8 years and not have a boyfriend/husband, there must be something wrong with her. Hmmm what is her story, that's very strange behaviour.

I guess what I am trying to say is that some of us are stuck in an NT world and mind and don't feel in sync with it at all.

I am rambling here, my apologies.
This is my first post.
I am unsure how it will be received as I am mostly NT, not AS and I am not sure if I am welcome here or not.
I don't feel I belong in either camp, so I guess I am looking for a place where I can communicate as me.

How do people feel about someone who is not on the spectrum reading and contributing to WP forums and posts? Am I intruding, not welcome, don't belong here? Your honesty would be appreciated. Thanks