I can't accept my situation in life....

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Scarface720
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20 Apr 2017, 7:38 am

I'm miserable in my life because I can't just walk into a bar by myself and just naturally make friends like a normal independent person could. I'm sick of being so uncomfortable around other people that I can't open my mouth and talk because I have no clue what to say. The other day I was at a family gathering and this non relative girl was there and she was looking at me with googly eyes and I could tell she liked what she saw. She was even a nervous wreck when she first tried to talk to me. After awhile of interacting with me she realized that I'm really not all that and she completely lost interest in me. That's when another guy walked up and started talking to her making her laugh and just having a good time with each other and she just completely forgot about me. It sucks seeing a guy who is normal just walk up to a girl you like and effortlessly capture her interest. I don't feel like a Man at all, it's like I'm a little boy in the eyes of women.

Also I can't get the career I've been interested in my whole life (Police Officer) because I just can't become comfortable interacting with strangers and I'm 5'10" and only 125 lbs. At least my Dad really believes I could do the job, but he just doesn't understand how uncomfortable I am around people and not confident I am with myself internally.

I'm seriously considering suicide. If I ever do off myself, I'm just gonna park my car in the garage and turn it on so that I die of carbon monoxide poisoning. That sounds so great right now and I can end this horrible nightmare of a life.



RightGalaxy
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20 Apr 2017, 8:32 am

I'm just like you minus wanting suicide. I don't talk to people because I simply don't like them. I'd rather talk to them at work and about work. I have a dog. I go to the dog park and easily talk to everyone about my dog and their dogs. A person can't just walk into a place and just yack and yack - this is incredibly boring but no one tells people this because it is rude to do. You, my friend, are much more appreciated at the end of a long, tiring day than a yackbox.
I'd rather have a room full of you than one f'n yackbox. There's was this douchebag that came into this bar where I once worked while I was studying to be a nurse. There was never a day where I didn't feel like screaming, "SHUT THE F UP ALREADY!! !" :x



Corny
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20 Apr 2017, 12:58 pm

I'm sorry you're thinking about suicide. But for help. I gave you the Suicidal hotline number. 1-800-273-8255



Stoic0209
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20 Apr 2017, 2:50 pm

Hey there Scarface,

I completely understand what you feel. The whole disinterest thing happens all the time to me. The vast majority of people will ignore me, especially at work, once the novelty of a quirky eccentric gentleman such as myself wears off.

I also tried the bar thing like yourself, and they just abosolutely put me off(unless I go there with one of my brothers, or with my Girlfriend when I was dating). I can't handle the noise, and I see all the people there with their friends laughing it up and having fun and myself all alone.

I have no idea how to break the ice. When is it OK to go up to people? Where's the openings? :D

I also feel you so much about the career thing. I got my Bachelor's in Biochemistry, I was going to be a professor, but alas, not to be. Not so much related to ASD, but moreseo in life decisions perhaps partially affected by my ASD.

The bad news about life is that it's always changing. The good news is that we as people can change too. I've learned that my plans never really work out, so the best thing to do is to change to suit the situation. I'm now in a relatively interesting career in Quality and Process Improvement. Still not quite what I want to do yet, but I'm getting there.

I have felt the same way you have, with suicidal thoughts. Give life a chance. Give yourself a chance. We tend to be prisoners to our brain chemistry at times, but don't give up! things change! We're here to talk you through it, and if you still feel suicidal, please call the hotline. There's no shame in feeling this way, and you are not alone.