Am I or am I not.

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I am not sure if I have autism or not.
I have done the online quizes a few times. The first time I did them I answered the questions as if I was back bring a 12 year old child. Since I do remember those days , and my thoughts and feeling.
After it was done i was scored as Autistic.


I then later another time did thme as I am today, and The results turned out that I am not Autistic.
Although it was on the bubble. My wife thinks I am Autistic, as I do have some moments when i do act that way.
But the social workers who i am in content with to help our marriage they are not convinced.

This is causing conflict between us. As She asks if im not autistic then why do
I.
Sometimes have adult tempers
Run away from the situation
Talk to my self
Pace the floor

etc. She has a whole list of things I do.

Alot of the above happan because i get over whelemed with time and tasks.
Such as having to complete a work project and at the same time need to give the kids a bath.

Our Marriage counselor holds i am not as.

I have strong feeling
I can at times relate to other feeling
I can sometimes put mself in another persons shoes
I can have conversations with him 1 on 1.
etc.

So I thought i would throw this out their and perhaps get some feed back

Shalom Aleichem, Chanan!

First and foremost, if you're worried about whether or not you're autistic, don't be. There is a definitive test out there called the ADOS-2 that you ought to take (in person) which will let you know for sure. I took it just last week and, even though I tried to answer as neuro-typically as I could, that test nailed me as being definitely ASD...if you're autistic, you will find out.
You say you have symptoms of Asperger's but that you also have certain neuro-typical traits. Nobody that I interact with on a daily basis would have guessed that I have ASD. My counselor said I have the best coping skills she's ever seen from an Asperger's individual. All of that didn't matter on the test: it pegged me as an Aspie who knows how to pretend to be normal. It is possible that you may be similar. Let us know what you find out, brother!

What do you think?

We could certainly go back and forth about whether you do or not, however I don't believe you would find any clarity from it. If it helps you and your wife to cope and reconcile with your differences go with autistic. Mixing other's opinions into it will only further conflate your difficulties. Plus circumstances change quicker than opinions and the opinions here wouldn't be privy to your circumstances.

Welcome to Wrong Planet

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.00 Autism Spectrum Disorder

Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):
Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.
Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.
Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understand relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior.

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):
Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior.

Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period(but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).
Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.
These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

Note: Individuals with a well-established DSM-IV diagnosis of autistic disorder, Asperger’s disorder, or pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified should be given the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Individuals who have marked deficits in social communication, but whose symptoms do not otherwise meet criteria for autism spectrum disorder, should be evaluated for social (pragmatic) communication disorder.

Specify if:

With or without accompanying intellectual impairment

With or without accompanying language impairment

Associated with a known medical or genetic condition or environmental factor

(Coding note: Use additional code to identify the associated medical or genetic condition.)

Associated with another neurodevelopmental, mental, or behavioral disorder
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period"
Autstics as all people mature and learn new skills. This can lead to Autism traits becoming milder even even to the point of the person not seeming to be autistic.

Adult Autism Symptoms

Ultimately the best way is to see a professional.

As fun as online tests are, they aren't really going to give you a clear answer. This is also true, I believe, of tests you'd take offline as well. They can be strongly influenced on how you're feeling at that particular time, so they're just a "point in time" snapshot. If you're having a good or a bad day, it's going to influence the results. You can take the same test repeatedly, but being too familiar with the questions can also influence how you answer them as you may have a tendency to "overthink" them.

What I can say, definitively, is that I do not, in fact, believe you are 1,942 years old

Unless your marriage counselor is a psychiatrist, or has some special knowledge of autism, I wouldn't take his opinions so seriously. Also, he is confusing autism with alexithymia, a condition that about 50% of autistic people have, concerning the comment about strong emotion. Even people who are severely alexithymic can have strong emotions given enough stress. The comment about having conversations with him is also strange. Why wouldn't you be able to? Also, the thing about not having empathy is partly a myth. Some autistics are not very empathic, but others are - much like people in general. Both with empathy and emotion in general there can be a time delay before the feelings arrive.

Obviously, people close to you disagree, which makes it likely that seeing a professional would be of help. I'd listen to your wife who knows you well in this instance. After all, it's her you're married to, not the therapist.

It might be that you have autistic traits but not enough for a diagnosis. In that case it would still be helpful to learn how to deal with such traits, such as for example alexithymia, which is not exclusive to autism, executive functioning problems or sensory sensitivities.

Ultimately, ASD is just a label that can describe a range of behaviours occurring in conjunction with each other. It occurs on a spectrum from virtually non-existent to very severe. Therefore, it can be hard to determine definitively where a person is 'autistic' or not. If this debate is occurring (over whether or not you have ASD), if you do have ASD, you must be very high functioning. What do you expect to gain from having a recognised diagnosis? Even if you are not diagnosed with ASD, you could still discuss your challenges with your wife and others. A diagnosis should not be required to made your struggles 'real' - those around you should be willing to listen and understand regardless.
Good luck!

You may be better off just getting the counseling tailored to individual areas of concern between you and your wife.

Unless you think therapy is going to be significantly different based on a diagnosis what good would it do besides label you and cause potential problems down the road?

You made three typos in your OP.

What kind of quiz was that?
Try those two: http://aspietests.org/raads/questions.php http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
They are the best online tests I know.