"How are you?" as a greeting

Post Reply New Topic

It's not always because a person has "no intention of listening to the answer."

Most of the time, people give greetings like that when they are in a rush to get somewhere else. Yes, it's a social convention, something which is sort of "artificial."

But I do believe most people, on a simple level, want to know "how you are doing," or if "you're alright." They don't want a full dissertation as an answer--but they want a response which lasts a second or so.

This has been a problem for me too. I got to the age of about 35 before an NT person actually said to me (after I had actually told him I'm a bit unwell, have a bad knee, touch of depression. . . .) he said "You know. . . you don't have to actually tell me how you are literally. . . .you can just say 'fine, and you?' . . .It's not a real question."

Seriously, I was in my 30s when someone told me that and it was a revelation. I had all my life been treating that greeting like a real question and giving a real answer when people really didn't want one.

Ever since, I've been striving to just say "Fine, and you?" or "I'm good, how'r'you?"

It's like playing the game.

But I have never been able to stand all the "good mornings" for some reason. "Good morning" and the expectation of it back has for some reason always made me cringe. I don't know why.

I feel it's because you feel pressured to talk when you don't feel like talking.

That's been my experience with "how are yous?" I feel compelled to answer when I want to be in my own world.

I really, really hate the British habit of "Alright?" and "You alright?" as a greeting. I never hear it as the intended equivalent of just "Hi there" which is (I think) what it's meant to be.

I ALWAYS hear it as a worried question, and I always think to myself "Why, do I look like there's something wrong?" I think I've even asked that out loud on occasion. I've spent a lot of time away from the UK so it just isn't in my set of expected stuff to hear or respond to.

It honestly sounds like a kind of "alert signal" like they're saying "Oh my GOD are you all right -- you look terrible, is something terribly wrong?"

Seriously, "you all right?" can't ever sound like anything but there seems to be a problem. I hate it. I don't know what to say to it.

A few people have used "are you alright" in the "new" sense in the US.

I still feel, like Birdie said, that they are concerned about me in some way--think I'm crazy.

Regarding "good morning" -- could be that, kraftie, yes.

Ugh, if Americans are now also saying "You alright?" I think it's time for me to go live in a cave in Nepal!

I can't stand it! (Me and Charlie Brown, lol.)

I've heard it used in the "new" sense a few times. It's not that common here.

One expression from Australia that's become ubiquitous here: "no worries."

"No worries" didn't exist before Crocodile Dundee.

Oddly enough, I say "No worries" about equally as often as I say "no problem" -- I kind of use both of those. I think I did in fact initially pick it up from very once-in-a-while hearing an American say that! Although most of time in the US it's "No problem."

It probably is a lot to do with Crocodile Dundee as that was such a huge hit.

I think "no worries" is replacing "no problem" because of the stigma attached to the word "problem" when it's used in social settings. It's very common, especially, amongst the Millennial generation.

I had a therapist who began each session with this infernal question, she swiftly realized it was a cunning way to get me to unfurl my weekly batch of notes on what was cooking in my head, I can never answer such a dumb prompt with a useless stuffed doll of a response. ''How are you'' is a challenging inquiry, one cannot take this line lightly, do so at your peril! I don't ask how people are, if I want to search their soul I ask specific things until I find that they desire or do not desire to open up. 'How am I in what way?' is a decent response.

I just reply "I'm okay." which is usually the case. What's even worse is "What's up?". I used to reply "the sky" to make them feel silly for asking such a stupid question, but then people thought I was trying to tease them or something, so now I just say "nothing much".