in the crowd, but ouside of the conversation

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i just came from watching pirates of the carribean 3 which i may add was a good movie, but besides the point...me and my friend waited outside during the 12 o clock opening for an hour or so and i found myself numerous times feeling like a wolf watching over sheep....so far above everyone else in their own little world and their minute things...i always tend to think like this when i am around large numbers of people.. sort of like an extra sense of things going on around me...i try to find the person going through their mind like mine and what i will say to him/her....i look all of the time but i never seem to find it...

this sense seems to be somewhat mixed with a feeling of sadness due to the fact that there are so many things greater than what i am doing at the moment which i could do....i guess now i think of it i felt guilty for being there while i could be writing or making music...anyway i was wondering do people get weird in that manner when they are around people...

For sure other people feel this way.

I was at a dinner last night with a crowd of women, and there were times when I would sit there and say "Why am I here?". At which point, I was the first to leave. I even LIKE all of these women, I just don't want to be there spending HOURS talking about subjects I don't particularly care about!

I don't like being in groups of people who seem to talk on and on about nothing. I also don't like being around crowds of noisy or drunk people.

hey, story of my life. I'm the one floating above the group, guessing every word they say way before they do. So predictable, most "conversations" are just a slight variation on the last "conversation".

Occasionally they all actually listen to me and turn my way, it's such a rare occurance that I usually freeze up and can't even think of what I was going to say.


I suppose that my coping mechanism for the whole thing is to think " f*** it, they probably didn't have anything interesting to say". It's usually true anyway.

All of the above .... plus my wife says that I am a "people" watcher ! !

I'm 29 years old now. Since getting married 5 years ago, most of my social ties have drifted away and for the most part I just have my family to lean on. High school was a nightmare but there was something of a Golden Age for me in the years after up until around 21. I actually had several close friends and got out and about. But I never felt comfortable, unless family or very close friends, if I was around more than one person at a time. Something about that group dynamic that other bodies bring to the table that left me hanging out. I've noticed that people change quite a bit when someone else is brought into the social picture though. Either they become more a showoff, belligerent, more exclusional. I know now it's part of the hardwired social instinct and probably harks back to our animal side to seek the top of the pecking order. But anyways, I just never felt comfortable around multiple personalities and I'd usually withdrawl and clam up. Most would at best get irate over my aloof silence and in worst cases be creeped out by that "weirdo quiet guy". I actually remember a comment from a girl that later became a good friend while a group of us were waiting for a movie's showtime. Bluntly, she asked "are you on drugs?". That's the degree of how I was feeling and obviously expressing in body language and whatnot. I'd just sorta aimlessly wander around in circles, not saying much if anything at all, and get gobs of attention I didn't want as a result of it. Basically my mind blank other than an ever repeating mantra of "please let me make it through this". I wanted to be somewhere else, doing something else. So long as I was out of the microscope studying my delibitation.

It isn't odd, nor would I say that you are alone in this, far from it. The feeling definitely can get old, the whole being on the outside of it all even though you're in the middle of it.

its good to know im not alone....i like watching people as well, but i dont like to know when i am though....

i just hate feeling like i should put on a show for anyone because we are around a lot of people or act like i am so interesting...i find myself even with friends and family feeling like i want to be somewhere else most of the time...people i find plesant and enjoyable sometimes seem obscure and annoying...maybe thats from my me time being invaded....

A thank you for expressing what i couldn't speak or write from me also. You explain it so well i can feel it. i have always been the quite one, observing, sometimes wondering what it is like to be social in a socially timely manner but most of the time i would be thinking i'd rather be far away from the event, away from the talking, laughter, energy i cannot participate in. but i wait it out because i want to see the concert or whatever event it may be and as usual, i throughly enjoy the event and appreciate that i went. until the next event when i go through it again

Whenever I go to the bar with a group of people, we end up sitting at a fairly long table. No matter where I sit along the table, I end up in between conversations. I'll be sitting there with a group of people talking on each side of me, and not a part of either of them. I've even tried to choose my seat at different spots along the table, but it never fails that I'm at the junction between two conversations.

I'm like that too!

I have a friend from high school, and she said I seemed like a spy, watching people without conversating

i just find most bar conversation tends to be useless shards of sexual inuendos and he say she say type stuff...

sometimes its cool to feerl apart of something but most times i just feel like taking a beer bottle and bashing it against my head.....

This is very true of me too. In school I tend to simply listen to what my friends say, or if the conversation is boring I just ignore them. Some pal I am huh? But I'll talk to them if they bother instigating me into the convo or ask me something.

As for family meetings, I don't do family meetings. I usually end up sleeping on somebodies sofa or going to my room for the same purpose at home. It kinda upsets my family that i never talk to them, but oh well.