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Nyctalope
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04 Jul 2017, 2:32 am

Can you speak in front of several people like for example in a class? How do you do it?
I don't know where I should look at while speaking, I'm also very anxious when speaking to more than one person, I hate people's gazes.
Do you have any tips please. How can I decrease anxiety and ignore's people eyes.



Nyctalope
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04 Jul 2017, 6:30 am

Xanax should help but I'm not sure about the quantity.



obsessingoverobsessions
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04 Jul 2017, 10:45 am

To speak in front of a group, what I do is convince myself that I'm someone else, preferably someone powerful that has/had an influence on others. It gives me a lot of confidence. Plus, if I make a mistake, it's not really 'me' that's made a mistake, it's someone else... 8O


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You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Nyctalope
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05 Jul 2017, 12:00 am

obsessingoverobsessions wrote:
To speak in front of a group, what I do is convince myself that I'm someone else, preferably someone powerful that has/had an influence on others. It gives me a lot of confidence. Plus, if I make a mistake, it's not really 'me' that's made a mistake, it's someone else... 8O

what do you do to convince yourself to be someone else? If you do so you can speak in front of a group and if you don't you can't?
Before doing so how much anxious were you and how much are you now?



Last edited by Nyctalope on 05 Jul 2017, 12:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

DrowningOutTheDarkness
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05 Jul 2017, 10:16 am

Speaking to a bunch of people is wayyy easier than talking to 1-2 people. Just pretend you're talking to yourself I don't tend to even look at the people I look at the wall behind all of them. I talk a little slower than normal as people tell me a talk to fast. I do what I need to and get it done. I hope this helps you and you are able to talk in front of people.


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boofle
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05 Jul 2017, 10:39 am

this is something that comes with practice, i'm afraid. with that said, it's manageable.

1. don't forget to regulate your breathing. sounds stupid but, fast shallow breathing (cos of nerves) will translate into your voice. take slow, measured breaths. you can practice this anytime, anywhere.

2. do NOT look down at your prompt and read from it. the audience will not be able to hear you. you will sound muffled.

3. know your subject matter (for the presentation) then have key points on your prompt card ONLY. a swift look down to keep you relevant and on track with the topic, then look straight back up.

4. use a timer. if you have a presentation/talk that needs to be 5 mins long, it's shocking how long those 5 mins can feel. use a timer to regulate the pace at which you speak. nervous talkers RACE thru their words lol...natural, understandable and difficult for the audience to follow.
in the back of your mind, ask yourself if YOU were sat in the audience, would you be able to understand yourself stood up there? slow down the cadence of your speech. public speaking needs to be slower than general talking pace, it needs to be clear, it needs to be HEARD.

5. lastly and most importantly, how to cope with a room full of eyes staring at you? simple. look just directly above their heads and focus your gaze on the far side wall. not a fixed gaze. your gaze needs to be mobile. so look around as casually as you can, but, do not make eye contact if you are uncomfortable doing this.
the added bonus of doing this is that your voice will project out into the room (and toward your audience) as opposed to being lost in your prompt card.

5a. use slides, if that is allowed, to focus their attention away from you. it gives them something to look at other than you and it gives you the feeling of not being under the microscope.

GL.



Biscuitman
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05 Jul 2017, 3:34 pm

Nope. I can pass fairly easily for NT but not dealing with groups of people is one of my giveaway signs. Don't like being in meetings with lots of people and if I have to talk I freak out a bit and sometimes can't say things out loud as they are in my head



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05 Jul 2017, 4:56 pm

Boufle has good tips. All of the tricks taught by Toastmasters International are quite valid if you can manage them. If I think about the audience, I try to pick out someone near the back, and pretend I'm giving them an extended answer. With my talk adequately planned, I can focus on using my slow, distinct "big room" voice to overcome echoes and distance, and trying to sound like David Attenborough instead of a robot. It can help to practice reading aloud, and trying to make it sound like it just occurred to you, and burst out with enthusiasm.



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05 Jul 2017, 8:02 pm

I am in Toastmasters. It is a very good organization. My group is very friendly and easy to speak to.



boofle
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05 Jul 2017, 8:46 pm

^^^ i had to look up who/what "toastmasters" were...to my shame i didn't know :oops: ...the stuff i learnt was whilst on my degree.


something i forgot to mention, OP. no matter how nerve wracking you find it standing up in front of your audience, chances are, you will have the full support of the people listening because once you've had your turn...it will be theirs...mwaha ha ha haha haaaaa...

:lol:



Nyctalope
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05 Jul 2017, 9:35 pm

Thanks to all of you for your precious tips. Only thing I forgot to mention is that I won't be standing in front of the audience, the class arrangement will be like this:
Image

This is the worst setting I can imagine because I'll be surrounded, we'll be near so looking at the wall might be too evident. Even if you suggested not to, I think I'll prepare a paper and look at it.
What's even worse is the questions&answers session coming right after the presentation.
I hope Xanax will help



Chronos
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05 Jul 2017, 10:24 pm

Nyctalope wrote:
Can you speak in front of several people like for example in a class? How do you do it?
I don't know where I should look at while speaking, I'm also very anxious when speaking to more than one person, I hate people's gazes.
Do you have any tips please. How can I decrease anxiety and ignore's people eyes.


Yes. That's not to say I don't ever get a little nervous. Most people do. But I don't have what you would call a fear of public speaking.

It's important to keep in mind, when speaking in front of a group of people, such as a class, is they expect you to get up there and speak, and doing as one is expected to do is the best way to avoid drawing unwanted attention to one's self.

Also keep in mind that a good number of people in the audience are not paying attention. If it's one of those things where multiple people have to get up there and give a speech of some sort, then most people are probably focusing on what they are going to say when they get up there. Even if you are the only one speaking that day, a good number of people are zoning out, or, if they have some type of device with them, looking at that.

As to where to look...at everyone and no one in particular.



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06 Jul 2017, 5:33 am

I second focusing on breathing. An practicing your speech so you know how much time it takes.

One interesting thing is that I've always been told I seem perfectly calm when holding a presentation, even on occasions where I was physically shaking. Apparently this is invisible to the audience. Perhaps you also seem calmer than you are?


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Nyctalope
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10 Jul 2017, 7:48 pm

Thank you to Underwater and Kronos too. I'll try my best.



EverythingAndNothing
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10 Jul 2017, 8:08 pm

I've always found it easier to give a speech than participate in a group discussion. I like that I can rehearse the speech in advance and I don't have to think on the spot or deal with rapid subject changes or social cues. I've always found it helpful to do lots of rehearsing and make notecards of subjects that I want to mention so that I can glance down and get back on track if I get nervous and start to forget things. I was also always taught to look over people's heads. I get nervous if I make eye contact with people so I tend to avoid it during speeches out of fear that I might blank.
Also, if being asked questions at the end, I like to think of it as just a one-on-one conversation with the person who asked it. If I can forget that the other people are there, it makes it easier for me to respond. I've also learned that pausing when speaking is totally normal and acceptable. It's okay to take a few extra seconds to come up with an answer or frame how you're going to say something before you say it. If you start to go blank or you feel like you're not getting things across properly, just take a few seconds to breathe and recollect yourself. It's totally normal.



Nyctalope
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10 Jul 2017, 10:38 pm

EverythingAndNothing wrote:
I've always found it easier to give a speech than participate in a group discussion. I like that I can rehearse the speech in advance and I don't have to think on the spot or deal with rapid subject changes or social cues. I've always found it helpful to do lots of rehearsing and make notecards of subjects that I want to mention so that I can glance down and get back on track if I get nervous and start to forget things. I was also always taught to look over people's heads. I get nervous if I make eye contact with people so I tend to avoid it during speeches out of fear that I might blank.
Also, if being asked questions at the end, I like to think of it as just a one-on-one conversation with the person who asked it. If I can forget that the other people are there, it makes it easier for me to respond. I've also learned that pausing when speaking is totally normal and acceptable. It's okay to take a few extra seconds to come up with an answer or frame how you're going to say something before you say it. If you start to go blank or you feel like you're not getting things across properly, just take a few seconds to breathe and recollect yourself. It's totally normal.

I also hate discussions, three years ago I had classes with them and I don't even want to think about it.
As you also suggest I'll take notes with me, if I can't memorize or more probably I think I won't be able to speak well because of anxiety I'll just take the whole script I don't care what they think, I'm not even a regular student and won't be getting credits. I won't be able to "cheat" at Q&A session though, if I won't be able to think properly I'll try to follow your suggestion, breathing to stay calm and imagine one-to-one conversations.
The thing is tomorrow, I'll spend the day rehearsing.