Why Can Someone With Aspergers Come Across As Rude

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I am trying to work out the reasons why some people with Aspergers can come across as rude ( or so I've read ).

I can understand the honesty bit as in 'Does my bum look big in this' but what other reasons are Aspies often accused of being rude.

I have never been accused of being rude unless I meant it but I'm starting to wonder if a lot of misunderstandings I've had with people ( mostly partners ) are due to being thought of as rude because they think I'm angry or cross when I'm not - as if the words I'm saying don't match my facial expressions or tone of voice?

I think some aspies can also come across as being rude when they are more social, since they are liable to not follow the "social rules." This happened to me when I was younger. I had two friends in elementary school, and I would repeatedly call their name over and over, but they were embarrassed by me (I guess?) so they didn't respond. I just called louder and louder until they just walked away. I came across as rude because I was too "in your face" and I couldn't read social cues. I thought they just couldn't hear me (even though they were standing right next to me). There is another aspie at my school that does the same thing. Thankfully, I kind of realized I was annoying them, so now I try to not be as annoying. But I still am sometimes . I think more talkative aspies will come across as rude because they just talk too much. I'm either really talkative or mute, basically.

So its all about not knowing social rules then ?

Aside from the facts that:

A) we're socially clueless and simply don't pick up on what other people's emotional needs or expectations are, and don't know how to handle the situation even when we do (lack of empathy)

B) Are generally uncomfortable with dishonesty, because our brains don't process fast enough to keep up with all the deception and remember what lies we need to tell now, to cover for the lies we've already told - so, as a result, we tend to be brutally honest, even when it may not be what others want to hear.

C) Because our brains are wired differently than the norm, common social consensus may simply strike us as illogical or pointless, so we may reach a conclusion that to the NT mind is socially taboo.

Add to that the "Aspie Expression," which is to say that people with HFA tend to have a general facial expression that indicates a high level of stress and anxiety - we rarely smile, and often speak in a flat, matter-of-fact, almost monotone (until we get excited talking about an obsessive interest).

All these things combine to make smiley, friendly, chatty-Cathy neurotypicals think we're being rude, when we're just being ourselves.

Atypical body language has a lot to do with it. In addition to the "flat effect", lack of eye contact.

This is by no means an exclusively aspie trait, but one way to potentially appear rude would be to not follow the give-and-take of most everyday conversations. Examples might be jumping in too soon, or sharing lots of detailed information without gauging the other person's interest level or giving them a chance to process/ask questions/change the subject.

sometimes, AS come across as "rude" to NTs.

sometimes NTs come across as "rude" to other NTs.

sometimes NTs come across as "rude" to AS.

sometimes AS come across as "rude" to AS.

big deal. the word "rude" is subjective and vague. anyone can label anything as "rude". just b/c they do not like it.

Why can someone with Aspergers come across as rude?

Well duhhh... because theyre aspies. That's why.

Just about every distinctive trait that defines aspergers can cause an aspie come off as rude if the aspie isn't careful.

Lack of TOM, lack of a filter, excessive honesty/bluntness, not knowing social rules.

Not empathizing in conversation. Not getting into the other person's head, and seeing how the other person would interpret what the aspie is saying. That's a big issue that causes aspies to seem rude.