Neighborhood bullying victim blaming

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Aspieallien
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Location: NSW, Australia

09 Oct 2017, 2:21 am

My neighbor has been causing me grief for nearly the 10 years I have lived here. It started off with serial complaining about just about everything she could dream up to complain about. It seems as if she has narcissistic traits that makes her want to have control over me.

She then started cutting my hedge. I had recently planted a new hedge plant to fill in the end of my hedge. The new plant was growing nicely, then one day I noticed it had been cut right back to within an inch of it's life. When I had something to say to her she told me she will cut what she wants, when she wants. I placed a marker post, to mark the front boundary line on three occasions and she kept stealing my posts.

Fast forward a few months and she had her gardiner cut the top off my entire hedge by around 12 inches, reducing my much needed privacy. I told the gardiner to stop cutting on my property, but he refused and became abusive, and just kept cutting. It turned out she was friends with the gardiner. Both her and the gardiner then turned on me, accusing me of harrassing a poor little old lady. The gardiner called me a loopy little man, and she accused me of having a mental illness.

I was the victim, and I was trying to defend myself and my property. But they both twisted it to look as if I was the aggressor. She even tried to say I imagined her stealing my posts because I am so mentally ill. By turning it around on me I felt totally defenseless.

I am interested to know if anyone else has experienced this type of bullying/victim blaming of very, very cunning bullies.

Chronos
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09 Oct 2017, 2:29 am

Aspieallien wrote:

I don't know the laws in Australia but in the U.S. trespassing is illegal and you would be able to take legal action against this woman if you can prove she was trespassing....most people with problems such as yours will set up security cameras.

Aspieallien
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09 Oct 2017, 2:48 am

I did call the police out that day, but they said they couldn't do anything. I have since seen a solicitor and got some legal advice. They have told me to call the police if it happens again.

magz
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09 Oct 2017, 3:06 am

Camera might be a good idea. So you would have a solid proof against your neighbour's accusations of insanity.

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Aspieallien
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09 Oct 2017, 4:09 am

Camera sounds like a good idea. I do have a picture of one of my posts she stole in her rubbish bin.

BirdInFlight
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09 Oct 2017, 6:06 am

It's good you have consulted a lawyer because what she's doing is against the law in a number of ways, and would be actionable at least in the US and I think the UK too, so possibly also in Australia.

Do not put up with this, she is completely out of bounds, literally and figuratively. And the "mentally ill" comments?? Also not kosher and quite possibly actionable.

Aspieallien
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09 Oct 2017, 7:08 am

I know I should stand up to her, but I do feel very threatened and intimidated by this women. The very cunning way she twists everything to make it look as if I am harrassing her makes me feel defenceless. She plays the poor little old lady act, making me look bad, and not her. It's funny how skilled bullies really are.

BirdInFlight
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09 Oct 2017, 7:21 am

Standing up to her doesn't just mean face-to-face -- taking legal action is also standing up to her. She shouldn't be doing this and the law can back you up, you don't even have to handle this all by yourself.

Aspieallien
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09 Oct 2017, 8:46 pm

Your right about that. Thanks

Aspieallien
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Location: NSW, Australia

12 Oct 2017, 4:05 am

I am interested to know if anyone else has experienced this kind of neighborhood bullying before.
Please share your experiences.

Wolfram87
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12 Oct 2017, 5:57 am

Aspieallien wrote:

she told me she will cut what she wants, when she wants.

"Yes, me too!"

*fix her with your gaze, and finger a sharp object pointedly*

(joking response, do not apply)

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RightGalaxy
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12 Oct 2017, 7:02 am

This is sociopathy. Court might be necessary. Grab this book: The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout and read it cover to cover. Chapter 11 called "Groundhog Day" reminds me of what you just posted. This book talks about everyday people who are sociopaths. Not all are killers. They would provided they get away with it. I understand this all too well and I'm sorry you are going through this. You need witnesses to this behavior - ones that she hasn't brainwashed yet. Always remember, she wasn't born a little old lady - even murderers grow old - does that mean we should pity them? or let them take advantage of us?

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 12 Oct 2017, 7:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

RightGalaxy
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12 Oct 2017, 7:04 am

Wolfram87 wrote:

Aspieallien wrote:

she told me she will cut what she wants, when she wants.

"Yes, me too!"

*fix her with your gaze, and finger a sharp object pointedly*

(joking response, do not apply)

Noooo!! !! ! Remember! This will be used against you!! ! Do not take that advice!! ! People who answer posts should really evaluate what they type - People can suffer with the wrong advice. That bully who is bothering the poster is adept at being what she is - she's had lots of practice. Litigation is best. You need pictures and proof of property lines. Record the things she says to you on your phone. You need evidence. In court, they're supposed to look at just the facts and not an old sociopath who is using her old age as a pity-play. Read that book, you won't be sorry. This woman will probably try to make you think that she is well-liked, etc.. She's not. If she were, she wouldn't be doing this to you. You'll have to look beneath the superficial. She's no good. Seek emotional support from those who love you. This will help you do the litigation and to gain back the confidence she is ripping from you. Don't let her attempt to be a friend either. People like this really know how to hurt others. Get proof, avoid conversations with her - she just might try to set you up into cursing at her or even hitting her. Take pics, get property lines, and AVOID that witch!!

Aspieallien
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Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Male
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Location: NSW, Australia

12 Oct 2017, 8:23 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

Wolfram87 wrote:

Aspieallien wrote:

she told me she will cut what she wants, when she wants.

"Yes, me too!"

*fix her with your gaze, and finger a sharp object pointedly*

(joking response, do not apply)

Noooo!! ! ! ! Remember! This will be used against you!! ! Do not take that advice!! ! People who answer posts should really evaluate what they type - People can suffer with the wrong advice. That bully who is bothering the poster is adept at being what she is - she's had lots of practice. Litigation is best. You need pictures and proof of property lines. Record the things she says to you on your phone. You need evidence. In court, they're supposed to look at just the facts and not an old sociopath who is using her old age as a pity-play. Read that book, you won't be sorry. This woman will probably try to make you think that she is well-liked, etc.. She's not. If she were, she wouldn't be doing this to you. You'll have to look beneath the superficial. She's no good. Seek emotional support from those who love you. This will help you do the litigation and to gain back the confidence she is ripping from you. Don't let her attempt to be a friend either. People like this really know how to hurt others. Get proof, avoid conversations with her - she just might try to set you up into cursing at her or even hitting her. Take pics, get property lines, and AVOID that witch!!

Thanks RightGalaxy,

I must have a look for that book you mention, sounds like it is well worth a read.

Your right about not taking that advice. I am sure she is trying to bait me into doing something she can twist to use against me.

She is very much well practiced and experienced at her bullying. Something I just can't relate to at all. So in that way she is far ahead of me.

She is also turned it right around on me, making a series of false accusations, that are flat-out lies. With this she is now threatening to take an AVO out on me. So I fear that any attempt I make to legitimately stand up to her could land me with an AVO. Its like she is using this to have power over me, and make me defencless. And in Australia you don't need any evidence to take out an AVO.

She definitely has all the traits of a sociopath, so I'll definitely check out that book. It might give me a little more insight on the matter. And I think you are definently right about avoiding all contact with her.

Thanks again for the good advice.

Aspieallien
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 190
Location: NSW, Australia

12 Oct 2017, 11:29 pm

I have started to read the book: The sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout.

It seems to describe my neighborhood bully rather well, and has given me some ideas about exactly what I am up against. I recomend anyone experiencing such bullying read it.

I think we should make a greater effort to expose and publicise these sociopathic bullies.

I am still very interested to hear from others who are victims of such bullies.
So please share your story.

fakkau89
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14 Oct 2017, 8:06 am

I second the motion to get a security and surveillance camera in places.

A picture of your sign in her bin cannot really be used against her

she could say YOU put it there

best bet is to get some cameras, alot of people I am acquainted with have done so,

possibly for similar reasons.

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