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Missworry
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18 Nov 2017, 6:20 am

Hi

Of course when you are on the spectrum, change is not really a fun thing. But it’s something that happens all the time. I just had a falling out with a family member. I was going to make dinner tonight but another family member invited us for her birthday to eat with her. I got very upset and started saying that I don’t like her food. I felt really bad afterwards and I apologized but I always do that and I hurt a lot of people along the way.

Do you have any tips to adjust to a sudden change without hurting people?

Thank you



TheSilentOne
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18 Nov 2017, 8:52 am

I usually get really upset and, depending on how big the change is, have a meltdown. If I am informed ahead of time that the change is going to happen, I get less upset. If I am unaware, however, the impact of the change is much worse.


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18 Nov 2017, 12:27 pm

^^^Same here

Unfortunately, I don't have many tips for not hurting people when dealing with sudden change. I usually just get really upset, and I don't really know what else to do. It is always worse when I don't know the change is happening, or I plan on something happening. Like one night when I was younger and I had planned on having a red towel after my bath. Instead, I had to use a yellow one and that triggered a meltdown because I had planned on using the red one. Of course, when you have autism, you probably plan on things a lot because it gives you comfort and stability when you can't always have that in a chaotic, overloading world. If I were in that situation, I would just tell the person that you don't handle change well and you aren't trying to be rude. Most people I know can tell that I don't like change, and they are generally pretty understanding. Hope this helps :D ! It's just what works for me.


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billegge
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18 Nov 2017, 1:40 pm

I may have something for you. I have to see my whole day ahead of me. I know what I am going to do and when I am going to do it. If I am forced into a change then I panic. For me to change and regain my sanity and order, I *must* rethink my whole day and resolve conflicts that arose from not following my original schedule so that I can again see my whole day ahead of me. To do that, I must be left alone for a little time to first calm down so I can re-think everything.

In summary, I do an internal rebuild to regain order to allow the change.

Another option, live your life without purpose so that no change can threaten you. I don't recommend that, just stating it for academic reasons.



Missworry
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18 Nov 2017, 2:26 pm

billegge wrote:
I may have something for you. I have to see my whole day ahead of me. I know what I am going to do and when I am going to do it. If I am forced into a change then I panic. For me to change and regain my sanity and order, I *must* rethink my whole day and resolve conflicts that arose from not following my original schedule so that I can again see my whole day ahead of me. To do that, I must be left alone for a little time to first calm down so I can re-think everything.

In summary, I do an internal rebuild to regain order to allow the change.

Another option, live your life without purpose so that no change can threaten you. I don't recommend that, just stating it for academic reasons.


Thanks for the tip.
I think I will try the first option..
But the second option about living life without purpose; I can’t .. that’s my whole problem. I can’t live my life without at least have some sort of plan..

But your first option sounds really helping



Missworry
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18 Nov 2017, 2:28 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
^^^Same here

Unfortunately, I don't have many tips for not hurting people when dealing with sudden change. I usually just get really upset, and I don't really know what else to do. It is always worse when I don't know the change is happening, or I plan on something happening. Like one night when I was younger and I had planned on having a red towel after my bath. Instead, I had to use a yellow one and that triggered a meltdown because I had planned on using the red one. Of course, when you have autism, you probably plan on things a lot because it gives you comfort and stability when you can't always have that in a chaotic, overloading world. If I were in that situation, I would just tell the person that you don't handle change well and you aren't trying to be rude. Most people I know can tell that I don't like change, and they are generally pretty understanding. Hope this helps :D ! It's just what works for me.


That’s a good tip! I think I will say that I don’t handle change well .. I already said that actually just now. And it works. But usually the damage is already done and that’s what I don’t like :cry:



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18 Nov 2017, 10:05 pm

Missworry wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
^^^Same here

Unfortunately, I don't have many tips for not hurting people when dealing with sudden change. I usually just get really upset, and I don't really know what else to do. It is always worse when I don't know the change is happening, or I plan on something happening. Like one night when I was younger and I had planned on having a red towel after my bath. Instead, I had to use a yellow one and that triggered a meltdown because I had planned on using the red one. Of course, when you have autism, you probably plan on things a lot because it gives you comfort and stability when you can't always have that in a chaotic, overloading world. If I were in that situation, I would just tell the person that you don't handle change well and you aren't trying to be rude. Most people I know can tell that I don't like change, and they are generally pretty understanding. Hope this helps :D ! It's just what works for me.


That’s a good tip! I think I will say that I don’t handle change well .. I already said that actually just now. And it works. But usually the damage is already done and that’s what I don’t like :cry:


I understand how you feel. I unintentionally hurt people due to my autism sometimes too, and it is the worst feeling. The way I cope with it is that I understand that it really isn’t my fault, as I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s okay- you don’t have to feel bad! Having a disability can be hard (really hard), and it isn’t your fault and it doesn’t make you any worse of a person if you hurt somebody else. Have a virtual hug :D !


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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!

Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine


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18 Nov 2017, 10:59 pm

Depends in my case. It's a 'shift' within a 'shift'. :lol: Shifting for change and interruption occurrences varies where I'm.


I know how to be ready anytime with any interruptions during a job, or when I'm outside my house. My only problem would be time management in my part, or if it starts to evolve into multitasking. At worst I'd just be confused, not knowing which to finish first or that I'd start forgetting what I'm supposed to do.
I figured how to mentally 'catch' changes few years ago.
I'm on a verge of mastering short term mental shifts -- shifting gears from outside interference 'properly' felt like catching an imaginary mental ball (could be an idea or a task) being thrown to you instead of said ball hitting your face and make your previous mental balls fall out from your mind. And having too many mental balls at hand, it'll start to fall one by one...
Instead of shifting gears issue, now it's more of a working memory and short term memory issue for me.

I'm very sure it costs some mental energy to do this continuously. But mind that this isn't as costly as vigilance nor acts like it.
I have enough, and I could afford it for a full time job and several of hours more after that given if I'm not constantly exposed to painful stimuli or emotions. (In my case, my main sensory weakness is cold -- which I couldn't seem to figure it out. And I just recently starting to figure how to take negative emotions well.) :|

But not much when I'm at home. I'd get frustrated if someone bothers me during my rest or whenever focus because it's the very times I'd usually wouldn't take account of anyone else.


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Missworry
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19 Nov 2017, 9:03 am

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
Missworry wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
^^^Same here

Unfortunately, I don't have many tips for not hurting people when dealing with sudden change. I usually just get really upset, and I don't really know what else to do. It is always worse when I don't know the change is happening, or I plan on something happening. Like one night when I was younger and I had planned on having a red towel after my bath. Instead, I had to use a yellow one and that triggered a meltdown because I had planned on using the red one. Of course, when you have autism, you probably plan on things a lot because it gives you comfort and stability when you can't always have that in a chaotic, overloading world. If I were in that situation, I would just tell the person that you don't handle change well and you aren't trying to be rude. Most people I know can tell that I don't like change, and they are generally pretty understanding. Hope this helps :D ! It's just what works for me.


That’s a good tip! I think I will say that I don’t handle change well .. I already said that actually just now. And it works. But usually the damage is already done and that’s what I don’t like :cry:


I understand how you feel. I unintentionally hurt people due to my autism sometimes too, and it is the worst feeling. The way I cope with it is that I understand that it really isn’t my fault, as I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s okay- you don’t have to feel bad! Having a disability can be hard (really hard), and it isn’t your fault and it doesn’t make you any worse of a person if you hurt somebody else. Have a virtual hug :D !


Thank you :)



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19 Nov 2017, 12:06 pm

Missworry wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
Missworry wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
^^^Same here

Unfortunately, I don't have many tips for not hurting people when dealing with sudden change. I usually just get really upset, and I don't really know what else to do. It is always worse when I don't know the change is happening, or I plan on something happening. Like one night when I was younger and I had planned on having a red towel after my bath. Instead, I had to use a yellow one and that triggered a meltdown because I had planned on using the red one. Of course, when you have autism, you probably plan on things a lot because it gives you comfort and stability when you can't always have that in a chaotic, overloading world. If I were in that situation, I would just tell the person that you don't handle change well and you aren't trying to be rude. Most people I know can tell that I don't like change, and they are generally pretty understanding. Hope this helps :D ! It's just what works for me.


That’s a good tip! I think I will say that I don’t handle change well .. I already said that actually just now. And it works. But usually the damage is already done and that’s what I don’t like :cry:


I understand how you feel. I unintentionally hurt people due to my autism sometimes too, and it is the worst feeling. The way I cope with it is that I understand that it really isn’t my fault, as I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s okay- you don’t have to feel bad! Having a disability can be hard (really hard), and it isn’t your fault and it doesn’t make you any worse of a person if you hurt somebody else. Have a virtual hug :D !


Thank you :)


No problem! :)


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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!

Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine