Kids turn into different kids when other kids are around

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ladyelaine
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19 Dec 2017, 12:00 pm

I find that kids can great one on one. Kids turn into different people when there are other kids around especially if they are friends with the other kids. Kids just love to show off for each other. This applies to both boys and girls. I had kids at my work that started out as great kids, but over time they have turned into brats. They turned into brats because they wanted to be accepted by the popular kids who were already brats from the beginning. I have seen this behavior with kids as young as 3 or 4. It's unfortunate that kids act that way. What are your experiences with this kind of behavior from kids?



GiantHockeyFan
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19 Dec 2017, 1:22 pm

Yup. How many kids did I consider friends until the school bully decided he didn't like me? All the kids turned into little Hitlers one by one. At the time it was quite shocking to say the least: how could a kid go from liking me to gleefully saying he would love to murder me in one week when I literally did nothing.



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19 Dec 2017, 1:25 pm

it's all a bunch of crap, really.

Why dwell on this?

Just seek out people who appreciate you.

I endured this stuff all the time as a younger person. it got to the point where I just said "screw it."



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 19 Dec 2017, 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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19 Dec 2017, 1:34 pm

ladyelaine wrote:
I find that kids can great one on one. Kids turn into different people when there are other kids around especially if they are friends with the other kids. Kids just love to show off for each other. This applies to both boys and girls. I had kids at my work that started out as great kids, but over time they have turned into brats. They turned into brats because they wanted to be accepted by the popular kids who were already brats from the beginning. I have seen this behavior with kids as young as 3 or 4. It's unfortunate that kids act that way. What are your experiences with this kind of behavior from kids?



Peer pressure. But when autistic kids or other special needs kids do this, we call it mimicking. When small children under age six do it, we also call it mimicking but when older normal kids do it, we call it peer pressure. But when they pick up after their parents or other adults, we call it modeling.


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19 Dec 2017, 2:12 pm

I think it's pretty normal.

My mother had an old book series on child development (long since chucked out) that among other things mentioned that if parents saw their offspring with other kids (without the kids seeing them), they likely wouldn't recognize their kid's behavior. The book mentioned a little bit about group behavior being different from individual behavior.
Kind of a pity that we trashed those books because they were actually quite good, very realistic. The authors actually knew about kids, they weren't naive. I briefed through it before we got rid of them, and parts of them were actually sorta interesting.


Also, before going on, I just want to say that all popular kids are nor brats /more bratty than others, nor does being unpopular equate to being an angel. I find that all /most kids can go either way based on mood, company and other circumstances.

I remember my own childhood well, and I know I sometimes behaved brattish. Sometimes I did do bratty things alone, other times I did bratty things along with others, and the same for non-bratty behavior, but yeah, kids are more likely to do so with company than alone. Speaking for myself, when I acted bratty along with other kids I never did so to be accepted, I only did so because I wanted to. I chose to follow up, I never felt forced. If I had truly not wanted to, I wouldn't have.
Occasionally I did things I knew would get me in trouble if my parents knew, and it wasn't peer pressure or not knowing it was considered wrong. No one is a perfect angel and most kids do find glee in being bad at times. It could be fun, exciting, a kick. If it meant excluding or picking on another kid, it also created bonds, us against you, I'm in, you're out.

I think it's important to keep in mind that most people aren't good or bad period, they are shades of grey.
Kids (and adults) can sometimes feel pressured to do things they don't want to because they don't dare say no, and things can get out of hand. Sometimes we do things in groups we wouldn't choose (or sometimes dare, sometimes wouldn't consider) to do alone.
It's the nature of social animals, I think.


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19 Dec 2017, 2:24 pm

The popular kids are brats in a snotty kind of way. Can't sugarcoat that reality.



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19 Dec 2017, 2:35 pm

We have to quit making excuses for crappy behavior, stop explaining it away. Etc. It's starts with how we raise our kids.



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19 Dec 2017, 2:37 pm

Skilpadde wrote:
I think it's pretty normal.

My mother had an old book series on child development (long since chucked out) that among other things mentioned that if parents saw their offspring with other kids (without the kids seeing them), they likely wouldn't recognize their kid's behavior. The book mentioned a little bit about group behavior being different from individual behavior.
Kind of a pity that we trashed those books because they were actually quite good, very realistic. The authors actually knew about kids, they weren't naive. I briefed through it before we got rid of them, and parts of them were actually sorta interesting.


Also, before going on, I just want to say that all popular kids are nor brats /more bratty than others, nor does being unpopular equate to being an angel. I find that all /most kids can go either way based on mood, company and other circumstances.

I remember my own childhood well, and I know I sometimes behaved brattish. Sometimes I did do bratty things alone, other times I did bratty things along with others, and the same for non-bratty behavior, but yeah, kids are more likely to do so with company than alone. Speaking for myself, when I acted bratty along with other kids I never did so to be accepted, I only did so because I wanted to. I chose to follow up, I never felt forced. If I had truly not wanted to, I wouldn't have.
Occasionally I did things I knew would get me in trouble if my parents knew, and it wasn't peer pressure or not knowing it was considered wrong. No one is a perfect angel and most kids do find glee in being bad at times. It could be fun, exciting, a kick. If it meant excluding or picking on another kid, it also created bonds, us against you, I'm in, you're out.

I think it's important to keep in mind that most people aren't good or bad period, they are shades of grey.
Kids (and adults) can sometimes feel pressured to do things they don't want to because they don't dare say no, and things can get out of hand. Sometimes we do things in groups we wouldn't choose (or sometimes dare, sometimes wouldn't consider) to do alone.
It's the nature of social animals, I think.



I've known a couple kids in my neighborhood who would act good when their parents are around but once their parents are not in the picture, they would act mean. The sad thing is parents are naive enough to think how they see their kid acting is how they act all the time so they dismiss any complaints about their child. That is why parents have to spy on their children and not let themselves be seen or noticed by their own children just to see how they act in different situations. When you are a child, you don't get a private life. Those who do tend to be brats and manipulative because their parents believe their lies and the kid puts on an act because they know their parents will buy it. I also think parents believe their kids over other kids and adults because it's easier. My mom calls that being lazy.


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19 Dec 2017, 3:31 pm

It is not just kids, it is most everybody. Some of us do it when we "mask" or "pretend to be normal".


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19 Dec 2017, 6:58 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Yup. How many kids did I consider friends until the school bully decided he didn't like me? All the kids turned into little Hitlers one by one. At the time it was quite shocking to say the least: how could a kid go from liking me to gleefully saying he would love to murder me in one week when I literally did nothing.


^THIS^

It not only applies to children. I've seen it happen with full-grown adults; especially those who claim they are devout "God-fearing" Christians; but are only devout, God-fearing Christians on Sunday or in the presence of other so-called Christians. A lot of the same kids who bullied me mercilessly at school, also went to the same church as me and when I tried to tell what they did or said to me, their parents didn't believe me because they child was such a perfect little angel who never did anything wrong.


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HistoryGal
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19 Dec 2017, 8:45 pm

Elaine has a thread somewhere about adults. I agree with you.



ladyelaine
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19 Dec 2017, 11:52 pm

I used to work at a daycare and I had my share parents that were in denial about how horrible their kids were. These parents would definitely believe their own kids over the teachers and other kids. I find it to be the one of the most difficult parts of working in education when the parents are not in league with the teachers. If parents sided with the teachers, it would easier to get a handle on the bullying that occurs in schools. So called "Christians" are the worst. They are quick to point out other people's flaws, but refuse to own up to their own flaws.



MariaTheFictionkin
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19 Dec 2017, 11:57 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
It is not just kids, it is most everybody. Some of us do it when we "mask" or "pretend to be normal".


Yeah...I hate doing that but a lot of the times it's to protect myself and to avoid getting questioned by law enforces. Sadly a friend of mine had that happen to him when he was "acting up" in a classroom. They gave him the option as either jail time or seeking mental help. He of course chosen to do therapy but Hell....I don't want to ever be put into that situation...It's so hard to contain myself and act like a "normal" human being in public.


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20 Dec 2017, 10:24 am

All kids do it sooner or later, some more than others. I call it growing up... I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it's a thing kids learn once they get older and learn about how some things get easier if you can please other, specific people. It's about putting up an act to get what one wants. Sometimes it actually brings good results and previously bad kid that no one likes starts acting better, but most of the time it trickers bullying and such. It certainly woke up the bully in me when I noticed that by joining the bullies I would be mostly left alone... happened rather late; I was in junior high when I realized this. Well, naturally it was good for those around me that I understood this a bit late, but would've been better if I had missed that train entirely... and I am not proud of the things I did. It was simply the best way to survive I could come up with at the time.