Mild Depression and Nostalgia

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OK, so I'm relatively new here. I don't know what category this should be in so I just put it in "General Autism".

OK, so I used to go to a specialist school and I have been getting really horrible thoughts in my head, basically, I used to have a carer there who loved and cared for me. She was really nice, then she left, which made me really sad, then I started getting really angry when another student came in, and I got into an incident which I keep thinking about. One of the carers there shouted at me, another pushed me into my bedroom, because I tried to headbutt another carer.

I really don't like talking about this. But I constantly have thoughts about going to the Carer's house(the one of the one who shouted at me) and beating her up, these never come to fruition because they are just compulsive thoughts. You see, I suffer from OCD and Tourettes. Not only that, but I also have compulsive thoughts to hurt people, so I say to people "I'm On My Best Behaviour" just out of Compulsion. I get really sad, and I created this Paracosm and temporarily used an Imaginary version of the other carer(The one who was nice to me) as a Tulpa.

I also suffer from Nostalgia, and sometimes I feel like I can't get a kick out of it, even though I love Nostalgia, sometimes it makes me a bit sad. I sometimes think about wanting to meet this people in heaven. Not that I would kill myself because I believe that suicide is never the answer. I believe I have a good 64 years left in life(I'm 20) and that in every even numbered year(I have a superstition about year numbers) I will enjoy myself.

What do you think?

Thanks for sharing your story, and on my behalf, welcome to WrongPlanet !

I get what you mean about those harming intrusive thoughts. Just remember that everybody gets them, and that you are not going to be acting on them. I am very sorry that your old carer left. That can be really hard. One thing that you wrote that stood out to me was the fact that you keep thinking about this incident. When you find yourself stating to think about it, maybe you could immediately distract yourself with another thought or thing if possible? I recommend doing that if you don’t already, because thinking about the incident more will just make the compulsions worse.

I have a bad time with nostalgia too. I also have OCD, and a great deal of memories and objects are “tainted” in my mind because they were used at a certain time or place. I have the same thing as you with numbers, but with me it is odd numbers, although certain odd numbers I associate with bad things.

I hope you can feel better soon ! Having these kinds of problems can really suck, but you’re doing a great job. What’s a Parcosm and Tulpa by the way?

I don't "suffer" from nostalgia. I thoroughly enjoy it.

I started feeling "nostalgia" when I was 12 years old in 1973---after I saw "American Graffiti."

That's when I got into 50's music.