Worthlessnes and comparing myself to NT people my age

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Beatles_girl
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03 Jun 2007, 11:18 pm

I am 18 years old. I feel really bad because everyone my age is doing really exiting things and I can't even do as little as go in my backyard when my parents are sleeping.
Girls my age are going all around the map all by themselves and are very independent. They seem
calm never get angry, emotionless, more perfect than me (even though no one is perfect) but people can be more perfect than others.
My parents and I were just in a fight and i had a huge meltdown because it's 8:15 PM and I wanted to go outside but they decided to go to bed. I am not aloud outside when they go to bed. If other people my age can go to the other side of the world without parent supervision and I can't do as little go into the backyard at 8:00
It makes me feel lousy and an unsuccessful crazy person. I know a girl my age that went to Thailand she seemed like an actual GIRL. So feminine, so mature, so social. I feel A sexual Mentally.
I feel I don't belong anywhere. I wish I could have a freind thats a girl who is just like me. I actually
wished upon a star once for that to happen.For grad my mom gave me this novelty doll with a pouch on her tummy. It said "write down your dream and put it in the pouch" I wrote down "I hope to find a really good freind" it hasn't happened yet I hope it does very soon. maybe i should go around doing good things for my karma and maybe it would happen. I don't mean to be an attention or sympathy seeker but I just want to share my thoughts of how I feel at the moment.

Every young woman my age has something going for her. I just have overprotective parents using "My daughter has a mental disability" as an excuse to be over protective. It's kind of selfish in a way. I am not a jewel or a precious stone to be locked up in security I am a human being with desires and emotions. I don't have privileges. I say "Mom! I'm a legal adult, You can't tell me what to do!" she says "as long as your under my roof I can!" So I really want to move out so I can spread my wings and soar as a young women. They are building an apartment complex for people with low income and disabilities. The complex will be ready in about two years. i can't wait.



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03 Jun 2007, 11:33 pm

Writing as one who stuck in the nest too long and put up with house rules, I say the better to get out get a job earn your money and the right to spend it as you wish and live as you wish. You seem intelligent, I bet you can do it!


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cowlypso
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03 Jun 2007, 11:39 pm

What is the reasoning that they give for keeping such a tight watch on you? Is it justified at all?

Are you currently seeing any sort of mental health professional or caseworker or something that could have a meeting with your whole family and discuss your current level of functioning and what things you should and shouldn't (functionally) be able to do for yourself, to give your parents a better picture of your ability level?

It does seem rather extreme that you aren't even allowed outside of the house without direct supervision. It seems like there is definitely something weird going on there.


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TruenoBlues
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04 Jun 2007, 2:03 am

By being over protective, they are hurting you. I hate to say it, but f**k their rules. Go outside, not even in the back yard, but take a walk down the street. Find someone on here that is about your age and close to where you live and go hang out. Go to a mall, go anywhere! (BTW, I sent you an friend invite on Myspace)


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04 Jun 2007, 2:18 am

Do you think that you could get a job if you had lots of advice and help from the people on this site? You can ask us anything, and it sounds like getting a job- even if it's just delivering papers- would do you more good than anything else. Nevermind what your parents SAY you can do. What do YOU feel you can do?



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04 Jun 2007, 3:42 am

Hi Beatles_girl.

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing these difficulties.

I continue to be amazed by how much I seem to have in common with people here. My mother was aslo similarly restrictive as to what I could and couldn't do. It drove me crazy and made me feel worthless and like I would never have a life. Or more accurately, I would never be ALLOWED to have a life. I felt really behind and wondered how I could ever grow to be a mature adult under such circumstances.

The thing that helped me was that at the age of 17 I left my Mother to go to college. I lived with my Dad for a few years, but he was abusive so that didn't really work and I now live with my Gran.

You said you were 18, so could you apply to university or college? Going to university really helped me. Like you, I spend years wishing and praying for a 'best friend'. Despite a very unhelpful counsellor telling me that this was childish!

It was not until I went to University that (eventually as I was too scared to speak to anyone for the first year) I made my first ever 'real' friends. I also learned to live reasonably independently.

I get help from a local support group for people with AS and through them I have been allocated a Social Worker and I also get to see a psychiatrist every few months and I see my doctor regularly. I also get some support and advocacy from the AS group.

I graduated from uni with a Master's Degree and I now have a good job, a few good friends and even a boyfriend.

I now have very little contact with my parents - and I found that this was for the best as they kept undermining my confidence and telling me that I couldn't do things or achieve things that, once I stopped believeing I was as useless as they made me feel, I did actually manage to achieve!

I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I just wanted to reassure you that things really can get better.

Good luck.



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04 Jun 2007, 3:58 am

I think that you should look for a job. And I'd also like to add that if you have a Beatle hairstyle, keep it...I can see it making you becomming, but that's a whole different topic, all together. On a more serious note, I do think that you should get a job. You should also move away to college in a year or so and get away from your parents



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04 Jun 2007, 5:52 am

I felt the same way at 18.. though I was in a repressed relationship with a guy who took advantage of my (only recently recognised) Aspieisms etc, and I had a job. I longed for friends, and to socialise.

When I eventually broke up with him, I was 19, and more than ready to go out in the world. I started going to uni, and socialised, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. I struggled with maintaining friendships and the like, which I now know is my Aspergisms, instead of just being annoyingly unintentionally rude/aloof. But I must admit, now that I'm with someone who understands and loves me, I don't care if I don't go out on a Friday night (in fact if I'm honest I didn't like it for the year I did it), but the socialising (albeit with plenty of alcohol to lower my high inhibitions and no I'm not recommending it) helped me with my self confidence. I'm only 20 now.

For years I've been on an IRC (Internet Relay Chat) network, and that is a form of socialising that you don't need to leave the house for, and you don't need to worry about what you look like, or how loud you are, or what you wear. You're simply text, and for a lot of NTs that is a hinderance, but I have found it easy and it delayed my urge to try the going out thing. You can find out a lot about cultures other than your own, and you can make closer friends than you ever could in the "real world". You may even find others from your area and meet them if you want. Your parents might be a lot less strict on IRC, as it's not "outside", and you can be supervised (even though I do think they're being far too strict on you, and you as a human being need to find out about the real world).

I don't know whether that helps, but yeah. Sent you a MySpace add too.



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04 Jun 2007, 6:38 am

Beatles_girl wrote:
I am 18 years old. I feel really bad because everyone my age is doing really exiting things


Actually, most DON'T! And SOME are DANGEROUS!

Beatles_girl wrote:
and I can't even do as little as go in my backyard when my parents are sleeping.


That is your parents. Try proving that you can handle more independence and maybe they will bellieve EXPERIENCE over IDIOTS!

Beatles_girl wrote:
Girls my age are going all around the map all by themselves and are very independent.


APPEARANCE ONLY!

Beatles_girl wrote:
They seem
calm never get angry, emotionless


Gee, I guess they aren't your average girls, huh? Is this another dimension we're talking about?

Beatles_girl wrote:
, more perfect than me (even though no one is perfect) but people can be more perfect than others.


RELAX, you just don't notice their problems. I have met some people that seem to have things SO good and I later find they have HUGE problems elsewhere. I haven't seen a perfect person yet, and I am over 40.

Beatles_girl wrote:
My parents and I were just in a fight and i had a huge meltdown because it's 8:15 PM and I wanted to go outside but they decided to go to bed. I am not aloud outside when they go to bed. If other people my age can go to the other side of the world without parent supervision and I can't do as little go into the backyard at 8:00
It makes me feel lousy and an unsuccessful crazy person.


Try to fight the emotion and frustration. I'm sure you can do it. If successful, you ought to be able to get rid of or mitigate the meltdown. Do it enough and you can work through it enough that they will trust you more!

Quote:
I know a girl my age that went to Thailand she seemed like an actual GIRL. So feminine, so mature, so social. I feel A sexual Mentally.


If you go to a foreign country acting TOO feminine/social, you better know the customs, etc.... Otherwise, it is dangerous. YOU may actually be safer. This DOES tell you that you are talking about girls that are bigger risk takers or have rich parents, etc... Most wouldn't consider going, or be able to go to thailand. At least in the US, and I am sure europe.

Quote:
I feel I don't belong anywhere


Join the club. 8-(

Quote:
. I wish I could have a freind thats a girl who is just like me.


HEY, join the club. :lol: :wink: 8-(

Quote:
I actually
wished upon a star once for that to happen.For grad my mom gave me this novelty doll with a pouch on her tummy. It said "write down your dream and put it in the pouch" I wrote down "I hope to find a really good freind" it hasn't happened yet I hope it does very soon. maybe i should go around doing good things for my karma and maybe it would happen. I don't mean to be an attention or sympathy seeker but I just want to share my thoughts of how I feel at the moment.


If only things WERE so easy! Frankly, with how I cam into this world, suffered, and seemed SO much like the Christian ideal....Pacifist, passive, turning the other cheek, showing respect and honor, etc.... I think a karmic system would HAVE to help me. HECK, a Christian God would! etc..... Alas, NOPE! EVERYTHING I have, physically, is because of what I have done!

Quote:
Every young woman my age has something going for her. I just have overprotective parents using "My daughter has a mental disability" as an excuse to be over protective.


Gee, you seem alright here. Like I said, tried to prove you can do more! And a lot of people your age DO have a lot of problems.

Quote:
It's kind of selfish in a way. I am not a jewel or a precious stone to be locked up in security I am a human being with desires and emotions. I don't have privileges. I say "Mom! I'm a legal adult, You can't tell me what to do!" she says "as long as your under my roof I can!" So I really want to move out so I can spread my wings and soar as a young women. They are building an apartment complex for people with low income and disabilities. The complex will be ready in about two years. i can't wait.


Your parents statements are NOT unusual!! ! Look at TV! MY parents were like that, etc.... Poor and RICH, diligent and careless, I have known a LOT of people with parents JUST like that!! !! !!

As for that place, you probably wouldn't want to be there. Strive to seem normal as far as capability and reasonable as far as appearance.

Steve



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04 Jun 2007, 7:45 am

Since you're 18, just tell your parents to f**k off. Seriously. If you want to do something while they sleep, get the house keys and go. Learn to be independent, even when you're parents disagree.



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04 Jun 2007, 12:35 pm

Quote:
Quote:
I know a girl my age that went to Thailand she seemed like an actual GIRL. So feminine, so mature, so social. I feel A sexual Mentally.



If you go to a foreign country acting TOO feminine/social, you better know the customs, etc.... Otherwise, it is dangerous. YOU may actually be safer. This DOES tell you that you are talking about girls that are bigger risk takers or have rich parents, etc... Most wouldn't consider going, or be able to go to thailand. At least in the US, and I am sure europe.


Actually, acting very feminine in many Asian cultures is the way you are expected to act. As for travel, starting when I got my driver's license, my parents put a restriction on me, and that was 300 miles away from home. Truth is, talk to your parents and get a cellular phone. That way, they can stay in contact with you, and they can at least feel like they have some control.


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04 Jun 2007, 2:44 pm

TruenoBlues wrote:
Quote:
Quote:
I know a girl my age that went to Thailand she seemed like an actual GIRL. So feminine, so mature, so social. I feel A sexual Mentally.



If you go to a foreign country acting TOO feminine/social, you better know the customs, etc.... Otherwise, it is dangerous. YOU may actually be safer. This DOES tell you that you are talking about girls that are bigger risk takers or have rich parents, etc... Most wouldn't consider going, or be able to go to thailand. At least in the US, and I am sure europe.


Actually, acting very feminine in many Asian cultures is the way you are expected to act. As for travel, starting when I got my driver's license, my parents put a restriction on me, and that was 300 miles away from home. Truth is, talk to your parents and get a cellular phone. That way, they can stay in contact with you, and they can at least feel like they have some control.


I have NOTHING against females acting feminine. HECK, I like it! I'm just saying some think they are easy targets, or limit them. Some asian cultures give them a LOT of latitude and, in what they can say/do they may even have MORE freedom. The same is true of most white cultures. But arab, hindi, some african, etc.... NOPE! All I am saying is you can't just up and go.

And the cellphone IS a good idea. Especially now that they allow 911 from dead service, and have pay per minute.

Steve



meru
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04 Jun 2007, 4:06 pm

Ermm....I understand some of what you are saying.

Wheelll...to make a possibly long story short, I got kicked out of my dads house about 2 years ago and have lived..about..4 different places in the last year (must be driving the postal service crazy, having to figure out where I am now).

Ok...I got out of high school and got a *steady* job and eventually got my own apartment.
Tha problem? I'm stuck. I can't ever make enough to get out of my present situation or to even afford a car (not that I would be able to afford gas if I ever actually got one). I don't have any experience outside of food business to get a job like...at hospital admitting or something....

I only have about 70-90 dollars left over at the end of each month, and that has to pay for food...and detergents (laundry, dishwashing, cleaning) and t.p...some sort of phone.....etc....things you don't think about having to get unless your suddenly on your own....

My point is that it would be much better to go to college. (in my opinion) Just do the research on colleges that you might like, find one and then go. It would be a lot better then being stuck somewhere that you hate....and even if you did have the freedom to go different places around town, would you? And then at college you could be given a mediocum(sp) of safety, you could get involved in different clubs.... and you would have a much larger possibilty of meeting your best friend. If you get stuck working all day,most days (like me) you probably wouldn't have that chance.


But you have to realize that I'm in arkansas u.s. so It'll be a little different...

I honestly don't want to see anyone get stuck in my situ while I can still say something about it :oops: