Anyone else not care what others think?

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EzraS
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29 Nov 2017, 8:54 am

the_phoenix wrote:
EzraS wrote:
I've often wondered if some aspies focus too much on alpha type popular people, wanting to be like them, and then having a bad experience when that fails. While basically ignoring the existence of all the unpopular low profile people around them.


In my experience when I've dressed as Q, or even merely announced my identity as Q when attending a Star Trek event among fans, here's what happened:

1) The alpha-type popular people (those with higher rank aboard ship, especially Captain or above) started acting like they felt threatened or intimidated by me, hence there was some degree of awkwardness or discomfort even with those few who treated me friendly. They tended not to want to hang out with me much, unless they wanted something from me.

2) The unpopular low-profile people (those with the lowest rank or no rank at all, or who didn't care to play the rank game) liked me and were friendly towards me, and I was grateful and happy to reciprocate. We would usually be the ones sitting together, talking, laughing, and having fun.

I thank God for the low-profile people who are willing to be nice to the unpopular high-profile people like me! 8)

...


I went to a Star Trek event as Kollos once. No one talked to me and I couldn't see what was going on. Every time I took a peek everyone went to the other side of the room.



quaker
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29 Nov 2017, 9:22 am

I intuitively sense that the more 'high functioning' a person is in the autism spectrum, the greater the likelihood and capacity there will be to be concerned what others think.



Edna3362
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29 Nov 2017, 9:30 am

I had a fulfillment myself for a little while... Being choosen to be some sort of an alpha...

While the perks are funny and something to be enjoyed... People respect you, people notice you, etc.
But you know what? I HATE managing people. :x Other than the communication channels being spammed all over the place, sure that time whenever I ask others they'd answer me. Thus relieving tension somehow. But that's not the point. :|
Even if they'd do what I'd told them without question, I'm too soft for it. I feel too much for others and not enough ruthlessness to act 'strong' to push them simply because I knew too much about others and being too worried for them.
And, worse, I'd end up with unnecessary conflict simply because I was within that position, supposedly a 'responsibility' I'm not aware of. :x
I don't like that. And that was just online. I wouldn't wanna imagine that in real life. I'd be very stressed out if my social life is that active, because it means more work for me and less enjoying the perks of being less noticeable.

Then, I did desired. And fulfilled that desire. Only to realize, it's not what I thought it was. For me, I desired it on the right opportunity but on the wrong time of my life because I'm not truly ready for it -- to enjoy, feel honored, or commit to such responsibility.

So there. :lol: I have a good idea and reason why I wouldn't want to be too popular or being on the top, or being the alpha within some cliché, and not some speculation or out of bitterness simply because I 'couldn't be'. :roll: Mainly this, and because it's not the right time for me to sought such position. So I'd be more content to have less than that.

And referring to my reply from one of the OP's other threads, this is also why I know what I want. :| My only question for myself is when should I… I'm very sure the answer is not 'all the time'. :lol:


As for the very question of the thread -- not really in my case. I don't mask, but that doesn't truly mean I won't blend.
However, I'd expect others will have something on their mind. Only I would be the judge who to actually listen to -- thus my own responsibility to know if what others are thinking are worth minding for or not.


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the_phoenix
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29 Nov 2017, 9:36 am

C2V wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
In my experience when I've dressed as Q, or even merely announced my identity as Q when attending a Star Trek event among fans, here's what happened:

1) The alpha-type popular people (those with higher rank aboard ship, especially Captain or above) started acting like they felt threatened or intimidated by me, hence there was some degree of awkwardness or discomfort even with those few who treated me friendly. They tended not to want to hang out with me much, unless they wanted something from me.

2) The unpopular low-profile people (those with the lowest rank or no rank at all, or who didn't care to play the rank game) liked me and were friendly towards me, and I was grateful and happy to reciprocate. We would usually be the ones sitting together, talking, laughing, and having fun.

I thank God for the low-profile people who are willing to be nice to the unpopular high-profile people like me! 8)

...

Erm ... isn't writing the words "Star Trek event" and "The alpha-type popular people" in one post a basic contradiction in terms? :wink:


In my most recent contract job, we were encouraged to wear jeans and T-shirts.
I actually gained popularity and credibility when I wore a Star Trek T-shirt featuring the USS Enterprise.
So, you never know.
Okay, I'll admit ... this is also a company that celebrates Pi Day. :mrgreen:



the_phoenix
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29 Nov 2017, 9:39 am

EzraS wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
EzraS wrote:
I've often wondered if some aspies focus too much on alpha type popular people, wanting to be like them, and then having a bad experience when that fails. While basically ignoring the existence of all the unpopular low profile people around them.


In my experience when I've dressed as Q, or even merely announced my identity as Q when attending a Star Trek event among fans, here's what happened:

1) The alpha-type popular people (those with higher rank aboard ship, especially Captain or above) started acting like they felt threatened or intimidated by me, hence there was some degree of awkwardness or discomfort even with those few who treated me friendly. They tended not to want to hang out with me much, unless they wanted something from me.

2) The unpopular low-profile people (those with the lowest rank or no rank at all, or who didn't care to play the rank game) liked me and were friendly towards me, and I was grateful and happy to reciprocate. We would usually be the ones sitting together, talking, laughing, and having fun.

I thank God for the low-profile people who are willing to be nice to the unpopular high-profile people like me! 8)

...


I went to a Star Trek event as Kollos once. No one talked to me and I couldn't see what was going on. Every time I took a peek everyone went to the other side of the room.


Cute!
* ahem * Even though I'm a Q, you won't be offended if I keep my glasses on around you, will you? 8) :ninja: :)



TheSilentOne
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29 Nov 2017, 10:03 am

I used to care way too much, and I can't say honestly that I don't care at all, but I have stopped caring as much as I've grown up. I think it just got tiring worrying about every little thing I did and how people would judge me for it. I don't care what negative people think about me but I still worry about friends and family a bit.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Nov 2017, 10:06 am

I care what people think----but I usually do what I want, anyway.



BuyerBeware
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29 Nov 2017, 10:07 am

I didn't give two shits for years and years and years.

Then I learned that, as a woman and wife and mother, I HAVE TO care what others think. It's required to be a good person.

I was a lot healthier and happier and more effective when I didn't care. Now I'm eagerly awaiting menopause, so it can be socially acceptable for me to no longer give two shits again.

5-10 years to go.


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TheAP
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29 Nov 2017, 10:10 am

No, I tend to care too much. Although I sometimes do what I want anyway, because I won't actually find out what others are thinking.



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29 Nov 2017, 10:41 am

BuyerBeware wrote:
I didn't give two shits for years and years and years.

Then I learned that, as a woman and wife and mother, I HAVE TO care what others think. It's required to be a good person.

I was a lot healthier and happier and more effective when I didn't care. Now I'm eagerly awaiting menopause, so it can be socially acceptable for me to no longer give two shits again.

5-10 years to go.


Funny. Witty. Florence King comes to mind, I promise, I’ll say no more.


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ladyelaine
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29 Nov 2017, 11:00 am

I don't care what others think, but I don't like to draw negative attention to myself.

I would consider myself to be at the bottom of the social ladder. The wanna-be popular people will come around me when they want to b***h about the popular people. Then these people go back to being buddy buddy with the popular people. I can't stand how two faced these people can be. The popular people don't give me the time of day and if they do acknowledge me, they are condescending or snobby.



fruitloop42
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29 Nov 2017, 1:20 pm

I care way too much what people think. Not because I want to be popular, because I fear judgment - especially when that judgment reinforces fears I already have about myself.



ABZ
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29 Nov 2017, 3:10 pm

Used to be bothered what people thought about me a would have liked to be popular. However after all these years I really can't be bothered anymore.

Let people thing of me as they will, I no longer care.



HistoryGal
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29 Nov 2017, 4:40 pm

A higher functioning autistic sometimes can not care a lot either.



komamanga
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29 Nov 2017, 5:27 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I care what people think----but I usually do what I want, anyway.


Same.