Do any of you feel because you have autiusm you are selfish

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People see me as nice and kindhearted, but I also have my own interests. I can go overboard with my passions and maybe some people interpret that as selfish.

I sometimes feel like my sensory issues make me selfish. People with loud coughs or sneezes upset me to the point where I have yelled or covered my ears, and people say "I can't help it". I know they can't help it but I still get agitated by the noise and it does make me feel insensitive.

I would say that some of us really are too selfish, but it's also important to distinguish between unreasonable selfishness and having unusual needs that most people don't understand. For example, to someone who doesn't understand sensory sensitivities, a person with sensory sensitivities may seem just "spoiled" or otherwise unreasonable. Likewise many NT's don't understand the need that many of us have for strict routines (e.g. they can be a way of coping with executive functioning difficulties), and will therefore think we are just being unreasonably selfish for adhering to them.


In what ways is it bs? Could you give some specific examples?


I have no idea, except to point out that you shouldn't move to California if you don't have a car or can't drive.

To answer the original question: For many years of my life I thought I was selfish and loathed myself for it until
I found out recently that I'm not a loathsome selfish person, I'm autistic.

For years I was convinced that having a daily desire for "me time" was wrong. It was selfish. Especially being a husband and father. Shame on me. My vocation in life was to sacrifice myself and devote my life entirely to my wife and children. What was wrong with me? Why was I so selfish? My desires and the resultant testiness when I didn't get "me time" were downright sinful. Yes, I knew that everyone needs "me time" now and again and that it's healthy, but why was I so flawed because I felt I needed some "me time" daily? Why couldn't I just change? I certainly tried. I would force myself to put my own selfish desires in that regard aside. It never worked. It would just build up and then I'd either shutdown or sometimes even meltdown. What was wrong with me? I hated myself. I was broken, damaged and worthless because of it. I would even pray for help, promise to do better and always fall short. Over and over and over for years.

Then...I found out I was autistic. I have peace about myself that I never had before. I don't think of myself as a loathsome person any longer. I now know why I've needed that alone time to regroup. I now know why I've been happier doing solitary things every since I was a toddler.

I do still sacrifice; as I should. I sacrifice because if I gave in 100% to my desire for "me time", I'm aware that I would actually choose to spend nearly all of my time "doing my own thing" which wouldn't be fair to my family.

I have had 6 decades to analyze myself. I also had many childhood years of psych doc and therapist visits, and a brief spell of therapy in my late 40s. Among the results of my analysis of my own self, is that I am not selfish, but I am self-centered. There may be others on the spectrum who are selfish, but I won't say for sure without evidence. I think my being self-centered is unavoidable because of the way I am, as an Aspy. People on the spectrum tend to get very engrossed in what they are doing, which is part of why we are less responsive to the needs and wishes of others. However, being self-centered doesn't make me against other people.

I think another part of why I'm not always good at being responsive to the needs and wishes of others is because I don't always read people too good.

The third part of why I'm not always good at being responsive to the needs and wishes of others is that sometimes I may read them good, but may just not want to comply with their needs and wants for reasons of my own. It is possible when this is the case that I am being selfish, but not in the other two cases. At other times, it is not selfishness, but best for me to go against the needs and wants of others.

Often 2 or all 3 of these situations are in play.

I think children are more inclined to be selfish, but people usually outgrow the more extreme form of it.