is it normal to wait this long?

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I had an appointment with a psychiatrist a month ago and he said he needed to get in touch with my mum for a chat and then they will get back to me. But it's been a month and they haven't even contacted my mum yet.

It's starting to make me anxious when i dont want to be. I've already decided that if me or my mum haven't heard anything from them by end of this week i will contact them. But is it normal to wait this long between contact/appointments while in the middle of the assessment?

I don't know if it's "normal"---but I would contact these people, nevertheless.

It's possible that these people "just forgot."

I think it is, yes. I know loads of people who wait 2 years for the initial appointments and then it still takes a further year or so of spread out appointments, which get cancelled, rescheduled etc. It must be extremely stressful waiting. Not knowing and being at the mercy of the system. Then on the other hand we went private and it set us back 3000 gbp, atleast the NHS is free right?

My impression of the process with the NHS was similar. My wife chased them on my behalf. Fortunately, she is really good at chasing and after being put off for 4 weeks she finally got through.

This wait may be part of the process but it is very reasonable for you to start contacting them. When you do, ask them how long this part should take. If they say a week, call back in a week, if they say a month call back in a month.

As long as you explain that you have been waiting for a month no one will mind you calling for an update.

In the US, 60 days is normal. Call them regularly, to get status updates. That way they don't "forget you".

You know what they say: it’s always oh so much better to wait. So wait, wait and wait, occasionally stopping to wait. Sooner or later you’ll be dead and whatever you were waiting for won’t be a concern anymore.

I would call, maybe once a week or so. It can be so hard to know if I'm being rude by calling too much or if I'm not being assertive enough by calling too little. They may be really busy and only the people who are being assertive are getting attention.

I think it process are slightly different for each NHS Trust but here was my experience:

1. Went to GP, who agreed to refer me.
2. After about 6 months I had an appointment with the a psychologist. I thought this would be my assessment but he took a lot of details down then said that he was forwarding that to the ASD Team. I think this might have just been a first stage for any psychiatric referral to make sure I was not likely to harm myself or anyone else. The psychologist I met also asked if it would be ok to talk to my mother although I pointed out that I was 35 and had not lived with my mother for over 15 years it was a bit pointless. He never contacted her though.
3. Heard nothing for 6 weeks so my wife called every week for 4 weeks. Each time she called was not given any info about what was actually happening. Fortunately for me, that just annoys her and makes her more determined to get to the bottom of what is going on. On the fourth week, having demanded to talk to a manager she was told there had been a mix up and it would all be sorted. She is so much better at doing that than me.
4. Shortly after, I received and appointment for a proper assessment three months later.

It sounds as if you are at stage 3 so I think that getting to the bottom of what you should expect is quite reasonable.