DroseRose wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
Yes, it is something I deal with regularly. There are issues that can trigger it and I do my best to avoid those if I can. Sometimes the only way I can snap out of it is to go into my dark side of creativity for a while to let my brain reset back to a better state.
QuantumChemist, I'm interested to hear more about the 'dark side of creativity'. I sometimes feel like I have some internal (but well buried) resources that could be healing, if I found them. It feels like these are connected to somehow allowing myself to be more expressive (writing, drawing, singning?) and that that would alleviate the depression I feel coming on.
I can share what I do, but it likely will not work with anyone else. My past has been checkered with severe bullying issues that greatly shaped how I thought when I was growing up. During that time, I poured my creativity into finding new ways to get even (ie. revenge tactics, torture, etc). Nothing was off the table when it came down to it. I was willing to lose my life in the process if it stopped the bullying for both me and others like me.
I studied dark periods of history to learn things that an average person would never want to learn (and really never should). Because I was in an state of being constantly angry at others, it became second nature for me to develop these ideas further as time went on. Some on the spectrum are known to have the ability to narrow in on a topic for an extended period of time. I took this to an extreme. My mind is an evil playground when I am in that mental state. It is not something that I am proud of.
I know having that skill is not good to have. That is why I try not to use it against another unless pushed to a breaking point. The hardest thing to do is to forcefully unthink an idea once you have created it, as it always is there when you least expect it. I learned a mental trick to lock the ideas away from my regular state using a series of music songs, so that I do not get preoccupied by them. It took a long time to learn to control it to a point, but it costs me some mental energy to do so each time. The catch is that I am weakest in mental energy to store them when I am in a depressed state. Often, it will unlock the blocked ideas and change my mood back to the preset angry state that I developed them in. I stay in that state for a short time (less than an hour) and gradually progress back to my normal mental state. I guess you could say that anger/rage is my supercharged fuel for generating those type of ideas.
If it seems like I am being secrete about what the ideas are, that is correct. It is part of my curse. They really need to die with me whenever I pass on (hopefully from very old age) from this world. All I will say is that I have been more than a generation (or two) ahead of current technology/material science before and that translates to this part also.
My advice for others that want to try this method is to use your anger/pain you feel in your life as a motivator for your creativity. But, please be more constructive with it than I ever was. For example, if you are an artist, use how you feel as a means for expressing your emotion in your art. You never know where it may lead.
19 Jul 2018, 1:15 pm
