Did people let you get away with being angry in public?

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youcameandchanged
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11 Aug 2018, 8:44 pm

I'm wondering, because I think one reason I have anger issues is that people barely did anything about my screaming tantrums even when I was pushing 13 and the only response of my pediatrician was to move me to a small school assuming people would be nicer to me than they would be in a bigger school. BTW, in a good school, what exactly would they do if an otherwise high-functioning kid who could still be explained to, threw screaming tantrums like a younger child who was way lower-functioning? How exactly would
they explain that it's not something to get away with?



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11 Aug 2018, 8:59 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
Did people let you get away with being angry in public?
HELL NO!

I was raised in the 1960s, when slapping a kid in public and dragging him outside to whip him with a belt would draw very little attention, and present no risk of arrest to the parent or intervention by anyone from Child Protective Services. The prevailing thought was that if parents were "disciplining" their child, then that child must damn well deserve it!

Even a softly-spoken "I don't wanna" was enough to warrant a parental slap across the face ... and no one cared.


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11 Aug 2018, 9:04 pm

Nope—people usually make it clear, with their actions if not with their words, that they can be legitimately angry, but I can’t.


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11 Aug 2018, 9:10 pm

I have never been one to act up in public, but if I had, it would not be tolerated, and I would probably be punished. When I was 3-4 I was obsessed with books, and I got them all taken away as a punishment. That wasn’t nice at all 8O .

I don’t think it is entirely your problem that you acted up in public and have anger issues. I think it is the parents’ job to raise their kids so they learn correct behavior and how to be respectful.


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youcameandchanged
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12 Aug 2018, 2:18 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
I'm wondering, because I think one reason I have anger issues is that people j did anything about my screaming tantrums even when I was pushing 13 and the only response of my pediatrician was to move me to a small school assuming people would be nicer to me than they would be in a bigger school. BTW, in a good school, what exactly would they do if an otherwise high-functioning kid who could still be explained to, threw screaming tantrums like a younger child who was way lower-functioning? How exactly would
they explain that it's not something to get away with?

You see, I'm asking all this because I like writing fanfiction of my own life where things didn't go wrong.



youcameandchanged
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12 Aug 2018, 2:33 am

God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image



youcameandchanged
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12 Aug 2018, 2:51 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
I'm wondering, because I think one reason I have anger issues is that people barely did anything about my screaming tantrums even when I was pushing 13 and the only response of my pediatrician was to move me to a small school assuming people would be nicer to me than they would be in a bigger school. BTW, in a good school, what exactly would they do if an otherwise high-functioning kid who could still be explained to, threw screaming tantrums like a younger child who was way lower-functioning? How exactly would
they explain that it's not something to get away with?

Like, they would do the bare minimum and try to calm me down, but that was it. They did not make me feel like what I did was all that serious.



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12 Aug 2018, 3:24 am

Your only 21 and you know that you want to change, that's the start. Don't judge yourself too harshly, you're not going to change overnight so when you let yourself down, don't punish yourself for it. pick yourself up again and keep going. You'll get there.
Edit: To answer your question, no, I would have been smacked. I didn't have meltdowns till I was 26 anyway, then I had them every day for years. I used to meltdown in private. Eventually I had to bring my anger under control.



Last edited by domineekee on 12 Aug 2018, 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

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12 Aug 2018, 3:28 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image


Or just let them physically grow up without knowing much about the outside world or getting any serious life skills; let them believe they‘ll have a chance to survive and become functional adults, and then, on their eighteenth birthday, kick them out, since they’re no longer your responsibility. That’ll teach ’em!


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youcameandchanged
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12 Aug 2018, 10:43 am

domineekee wrote:
Your only 21 and you know that you want to change, that's the start. Don't judge yourself too harshly, you're not going to change overnight so when you let yourself down, don't punish yourself for it. pick yourself up again and keep going. You'll get there.
Edit: To answer your question, no, I would have been smacked. I didn't have meltdowns till I was 26 anyway, then I had them every day for years. I used to meltdown in private. Eventually I had to bring my anger under control.

As for me, I have halfway changed. Except for really stressful moments. But I also do love retroactively righting many wrongs in my past. I believe that maybe I should have been raised in a way that I would not have to hold back the urge to throw tantrums because it wouldn't have been there in the first place.



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12 Aug 2018, 11:11 am

Whatever the case it's down to you now. Good news that it's improving. :)



youcameandchanged
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20 Aug 2018, 7:56 pm

To be fair, I was already relatively old when I started said screaming tantrums, I was already roughly 10 then. In my single digits, said urge to throw tantrums only manifested itself in crying more than average, but it all eventually came to this.



youcameandchanged
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20 Aug 2018, 8:01 pm

It does make me wonder: what would have been the right thing to do?



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20 Aug 2018, 8:40 pm

I too was smacked for having meltdowns in public. I also distinctly remember my mom one time making me go apologize to the priest for having a meltdown during church one time. I'm not really sure what the right thing to do to teach a child not to do this... maybe trying to determine the difference between a meltdown and a temper tantrum and punishing for the latter? A meltdown was going to happen whether I was slapped/spanked or not. Nowadays, I'm more prone to shutdowns than meltdowns, but when I feel that I'm going to have one, I do my best to get away from people - I'll step outside to calm down, or if I'm at home, I'll go to my bedroom. Granted, my parents don't even like me to do that - my dad has yelled after me to "quit running away every time you don't like something" :roll: But I figure it's a lot better than having a full-on meltdown in the middle of a crowded restaurant or store or something.


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20 Aug 2018, 9:32 pm

The right thing to do? As pointed out here several times, to give you something to cry about. And if you keep crying, to escalate till you learn you’d damn better stop for the sake of the integrity of your bones. That’ll teach you! And if it doesn’t teach you, it’s solely your problem.


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