Did people let you get away with being angry in public?

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youcameandchanged
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20 Aug 2018, 11:08 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image

I'm reminded of a Quora question I made when I was in a foul mood. I edited it into gibberish because I was BNBR'd. Fair enough, some grieving parent could easily have seen it. It went like, "Do you believe that child murderers did their victims a favor by not letting them grow old and angsty?" (Couldn't you tell from my rants I had a childhood which made me feel normal, but afterwards had a life which made me abnormal?)



shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Aug 2018, 2:50 pm

Anger is an emotion, just like happy, sad, surprised and scared

There are justified reasons to feel angry

For example,. Homophobia


There are justified methods to express anger

:mrgreen:


What gets on my nerves :nerdy: :jester: :wink: :roll: , is when precious lil "people" have the nerve to tell me that"you're mad!"


First of all, "mad" is not an emotion. It's "angry"

Second of all, you can't feel someone else's emotions

Third of all anger is an emotion, not an event or a catastrophe

:wink: :roll:



Those entitled, self-important precious lil "people"do whatever they want to me


And when I react in a way other than passive aggressive tolerance, they have the nerve to tell me that "you got mad!"


:roll:


The word "mad" sounds so condescending


Besides, even if I did "get mad" that does not make my statements or actions unjustified



:wink:


:jester:



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22 Aug 2018, 11:30 am

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
I have never been one to act up in public, but if I had, it would not be tolerated, and I would probably be punished. When I was 3-4 I was obsessed with books, and I got them all taken away as a punishment. That wasn’t nice at all 8O .

I don’t think it is entirely your problem that you acted up in public and have anger issues. I think it is the parents’ job to raise their kids so they learn correct behavior and how to be respectful.


Same but i have had a few public meltdowns one in school. Even with me being as proud as i am. I have a limit where i can no longer control it. And people being accepted hell no. People aren't evne accepting of it when i'm at my own home. I mean its' a little hard to be accepting when someone is causing harm to themselves and others. Is that just me??


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youcameandchanged
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23 Aug 2018, 10:54 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image

"Petition . Murder Children When They Reach Their 13th Birthdays (It's For Their Own Good) . Change.org"

Image



Last edited by youcameandchanged on 23 Aug 2018, 11:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

youcameandchanged
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23 Aug 2018, 11:08 pm

OK, that was clearly just a tacky joke, at least I hope it looked like one to y'all. Edge aside, I do believe that I would be a lot happier if certain things about my childhood were different. If in childhood, adults didn't say to me "You're normal, don't worry." and rather, "Yes, you're indeed different, but don't let that get to you", that would have been less damaging. Also, I wish that they actually did something about my meltdowns beyond the bare minimum.



graceksjp
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23 Aug 2018, 11:24 pm

Well, I’m assuming that your being on the spectrum was a known thing when you were a kid? So people knew that you couldn’t really help it? Is that why they let you um get away with it?
My parents did everything they could to keep my diagnoses a secret (which they succeeded in) and I remember I used to have those giant tantrums up till middle school age, but I learned VERY quickly that they were neeever to be done in public. Or really at all. There’s no way I would’ve made it all the way to 18 if I’d ever embarrassed my parents like that.
And trust me, even these days most parents wouldn’t hesitate to give their child a proper ass whooping for misbehaving the way I used to. Specially not mine. If I so much as got angry enough to talk back, you could bet I’d be getting a smack to the mouth.


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youcameandchanged
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23 Aug 2018, 11:38 pm

I wasn't diagnosed at all.



youcameandchanged
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23 Aug 2018, 11:40 pm

graceksjp wrote:
Well, I’m assuming that your being on the spectrum was a known thing when you were a kid? So people knew that you couldn’t really help it? Is that why they let you um get away with it?
My parents did everything they could to keep my diagnoses a secret (which they succeeded in) and I remember I used to have those giant tantrums up till middle school age, but I learned VERY quickly that they were neeever to be done in public. Or really at all. There’s no way I would’ve made it all the way to 18 if I’d ever embarrassed my parents like that.
And trust me, even these days most parents wouldn’t hesitate to give their child a proper ass whooping for misbehaving the way I used to. Specially not mine. If I so much as got angry enough to talk back, you could bet I’d be getting a smack to the mouth.

Like at what age did you learn meltdowns weren't something to get away with?



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24 Aug 2018, 7:09 am

youcameandchanged,
Easily by the time I was ten, probably closer to eight. Any time past six was really pushing it on being too old for temper tantrums, but even when I was really little my parents made it well known they weren't acceptable. Didn't matter who I was with- mother, father, older brothers, they all made sure to keep me in check.
After age ten they stopped "engaging" when I would throw fits. I learned to keep a really tight hold over my outbursts (which is really saying something coming from someone who has, at one point in her life, been diagnosed with ied) and I found other ways to get my frustration out that didn't involve me descending into a screaming sobbing ball of rage.
Another thing though, Im an extremely self conscious person. I would personally be way too busy thinking how humiliating it would be to do something like that in public, to actually do it. Though Im not sure if thats just me, or something I picked up from my parents.


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youcameandchanged
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27 Aug 2018, 6:48 pm

Times like this, I kind of don't see the point in holding myself back because even though it's for the best for others that I hold back, it feels like it's tearing my individuality apart.



graceksjp
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27 Aug 2018, 9:01 pm

Screaming tantrums is part of your individuality?!
I get not always wanting to bottle up your anger, lord knows I do terrible things when I try, but there are circumstances where its really in everyones best interest that you do. You can't always give in, and the more you do and get used to it, the more likely you'll slip in a moment when you actually really need to keep the peace. You do not want to be known as the person with anger management issues...that is not the way to go about your professional life. Maybe find a way to politely excuse yourself from whatever situation has you angered, and find somewhere private to release it?


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youcameandchanged
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27 Aug 2018, 9:25 pm

It's just that the past nine years, I've changed myself for social acceptance to the point I don't know myself anymore. Maybe changing some things about myself was for the better, but my mind now takes even changing the bad parts of myself as letting other people control me.



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28 Aug 2018, 12:04 am

No way. I was given several spankings if I ever got mad in public.


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youcameandchanged
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31 Aug 2018, 9:08 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
It's just that the past nine years, I've changed myself for social acceptance to the point I don't know myself anymore. Maybe changing some things about myself was for the better, but my mind now takes even changing the bad parts of myself as letting other people control me.

I spent roughly 4 years being a compulsive liar. Not really in the conventional sense where I actually knew I was lying, but in the sense that I convinced myself that I was actually the person I was pretending to be. And the sad part is, it was only by lying to impress other people that I found a reason to control my anger.



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01 Sep 2018, 8:40 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
It does make me wonder: what would have been the right thing to do?


It's and interesting question. Next week I start the new school year and one of the children I'm teaching is autistic and having big meltdowns. I've been thinking about it all summer, how should I approach working with this child. I thought about different teaching methods and approaches; I thought about cognitive behaviour therapy, play therapy and social stories but the bottom line is that I have to get to know him as a little person and then work out how to teach him...

(a) How to recognise when he's angry or upset.
(b) How to choose ways of being angry and upset which are socially acceptable.

I don't think it helps to try to metaphorically stop the tide coming in (i.e. the flow of his anger and upset feelings).
What helps is to help him recognise what's happening and channel it into appropriate places (i.e. expressing both his anger and his upset in non-violent and non-destructive ways.)

So, the short answer to your question which I'm going to try is to teach him about his feelings and how to manage them.
Just my point of view.


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