Did people let you get away with being angry in public?

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youcameandchanged
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24 Nov 2018, 8:56 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Your only 21 and you know that you want to change, that's the start. Don't judge yourself too harshly, you're not going to change overnight so when you let yourself down, don't punish yourself for it. pick yourself up again and keep going. You'll get there.
Edit: To answer your question, no, I would have been smacked. I didn't have meltdowns till I was 26 anyway, then I had them every day for years. I used to meltdown in private. Eventually I had to bring my anger under control.

As for me, I have halfway changed. Except for really stressful moments. But I also do love retroactively righting many wrongs in my past. I believe that maybe I should have been raised in a way that I would not have to hold back the urge to throw tantrums because it wouldn't have been there in the first place.

As you could see, I love to wonder how things could have went right. Would my life be better if I was a boring normie with nothing weird about me? OK, I wouldn't want that, I like feeling like a unique individual. Maybe adults should not have let me think I knew everything and that I could get away with having no social skills? Maybe I shouldn't have been bullied so everything would have went right? Well, the words said to me hurt only because they were uttered at a time when I realized so many things about my childhood weren't real and I would have realized that on my own anyway. That's what I'm crying about, not the fact that people were mean to me in the past, but the fact that so many things turned out to not be real. For one, that one time I overheard two occupational therapists saying I appeared to be an Aspie, that hurt because this was a time before mental health awareness was a thing. Even then, I had compassion towards people with special needs, but the idea that I could be one of them was ego-shattering. The moment that I didn't know everything and that I wasn't some superhuman incapable of being traumatized, that hurt too. No idea which exact incident that taught me those ideas, but I remember how it felt. They say that teenagers think they know everything, but that was more like me as a preteen and to be honest, I had outgrown that notion by the eve of my 14th birthday.



IstominFan
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24 Nov 2018, 10:11 am

When I think back, that is one of the things that embarrassed me most about my younger self. Sometimes, the "bad me" comes back, and I hate myself for it.



IstominFan
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24 Nov 2018, 10:20 am

I think the greatest punishment for my behavior in my younger days was seeing how limited I became as an adult. I became a person with a university degree, but no chance of getting a job. I felt like a loser in my mid-20s. I am genuinely surprised I got as far in life as I did, always being the "weird girl."

Now, my anxiety is at a peak. I worry about the people in my life. I have had some major improvements in my life over the past five years. I don't want to lose everything. I am generally happy, but I have had tension headaches, nausea and have felt increasing paranoid, especially when I'm driving. The traffic here is getting crazier.

I don't want something to happen that will make me lose everything. That would be a punishment greater than anything that anyone could say or do.



youcameandchanged
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04 Dec 2018, 3:45 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image

I'm reminded of a Quora question I made when I was in a foul mood. I edited it into gibberish because I was BNBR'd. Fair enough, some grieving parent could easily have seen it. It went like, "Do you believe that child murderers did their victims a favor by not letting them grow old and angsty?" (Couldn't you tell from my rants I had a childhood which made me feel normal, but afterwards had a life which made me abnormal?)

I slipped up, but I had to get that question out of my system: -



youcameandchanged
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05 Dec 2018, 4:53 am

youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image

I'm reminded of a Quora question I made when I was in a foul mood. I edited it into gibberish because I was BNBR'd. Fair enough, some grieving parent could easily have seen it. It went like, "Do you believe that child murderers did their victims a favor by not letting them grow old and angsty?" (Couldn't you tell from my rants I had a childhood which made me feel normal, but afterwards had a life which made me abnormal?)

I slipped up, but I had to get that question out of my system: -

I even asked it on this site, but it's gone, so I guess it's too edgy even for The Haven.



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05 Dec 2018, 6:08 pm

^ please don't link that here...
thanks!


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youcameandchanged
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03 Jan 2019, 9:50 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
God, if you are gonna make someone feel normal as a kid, without actually making them normal, you're probably better off murdering them before they get too old and realize otherwise. Image

I'm reminded of a Quora question I made when I was in a foul mood. I edited it into gibberish because I was BNBR'd. Fair enough, some grieving parent could easily have seen it. It went like, "Do you believe that child murderers did their victims a favor by not letting them grow old and angsty?" (Couldn't you tell from my rants I had a childhood which made me feel normal, but afterwards had a life which made me abnormal?)

I slipped up, but I had to get that question out of my system: -

I even asked it on this site, but it's gone, so I guess it's too edgy even for The Haven.

That nobody seems to agree with my edgy question (which I don't mean anyway), seems to be proof of a universal human truth, that people want others to live. That even the most suicidal of people seem to recognize how messed up my question is, it has got to be proof that no matter whether you want to live or don't, most likely, you still want others to live. (For context, this was a copypaste of something I said on a psychology forum. Somebody said that even though they are all edgy and suicidal, they still believe that killing doesn't help anyone because even though they themselves may not want to live, they know that others may want to.)



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04 Jan 2019, 8:58 am

No. I wasn't even allowed to be angry in private. I wasn't allowed to express angry feelings unless it was something the other person was also angry about.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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04 Jan 2019, 1:35 pm

Instead of telling me "you got mad", they should have told me what they did wrong


Do not tell me my reaction


Sometimes they purposely provoke me

Even using the word "mad" implies the assumption and connotation, that nobody should ever be "mad"


And do not replace "mad" with "upset", angry", or "pisssed off"


No!! !!

"Angry" is a little better, but when you do something wrong, you tell me what you did wrong, apologize the f**k up, fix it and do not do it again


A former "friend" had the nerve to ask me "are you still mad at me?"


That question is so f*****g insulting



:roll:


She acted like she did not do anything to make me "mad"

And she acted like she had never done anything wrong before in her life


"Did you get mad at Dave when he refused to call you by your boys name?"

In Equal employment opportunity 2012, that is "discrimination". In 2006 it wasn't yet.

There are justified reasons for anger. For example, homophobic, stupid ass hole :!: :!:



youcameandchanged
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18 May 2019, 3:27 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Your only 21 and you know that you want to change, that's the start. Don't judge yourself too harshly, you're not going to change overnight so when you let yourself down, don't punish yourself for it. pick yourself up again and keep going. You'll get there.
Edit: To answer your question, no, I would have been smacked. I didn't have meltdowns till I was 26 anyway, then I had them every day for years. I used to meltdown in private. Eventually I had to bring my anger under control.

As for me, I have halfway changed. Except for really stressful moments. But I also do love retroactively righting many wrongs in my past. I believe that maybe I should have been raised in a way that I would not have to hold back the urge to throw tantrums because it wouldn't have been there in the first place.

As you could see, I love to wonder how things could have went right. Would my life be better if I was a boring normie with nothing weird about me? OK, I wouldn't want that, I like feeling like a unique individual. Maybe adults should not have let me think I knew everything and that I could get away with having no social skills? Maybe I shouldn't have been bullied so everything would have went right? Well, the words said to me hurt only because they were uttered at a time when I realized so many things about my childhood weren't real and I would have realized that on my own anyway. That's what I'm crying about, not the fact that people were mean to me in the past, but the fact that so many things turned out to not be real. For one, that one time I overheard two occupational therapists saying I appeared to be an Aspie, that hurt because this was a time before mental health awareness was a thing. Even then, I had compassion towards people with special needs, but the idea that I could be one of them was ego-shattering. The moment that I didn't know everything and that I wasn't some superhuman incapable of being traumatized, that hurt too. No idea which exact incident that taught me those ideas, but I remember how it felt. They say that teenagers think they know everything, but that was more like me as a preteen and to be honest, I had outgrown that notion by the eve of my 14th birthday.

As y'all could see, I am obsessed with constantly changing the past by hypothetical situations, and so desperate to prevent my current life even at the cost of making myself a murder victim in said hypothetical situations. It's like, while I don't want to die right now, I am so disturbed by the idea that past a certain age, you have to live with some kind of trauma or insecurity, that I almost believe I should have been killed off before I could potentially live out such an existence. To be fair, maybe I'm just unlucky and it's not true that everybody has live with some kind of trauma past a certain age.



shortfatbalduglyman
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18 May 2019, 4:07 pm

Anger is just one of five emotions

There is nothing to "get away with"

Idiots have had the nerve to tell me that "you got mad",. "Upset", "pissed off"

"Mad" has a negative connotation

It's "angry"

And don't tell me, my reaction

Tell me, what you did to cause my reaction

For example, ass holes "disrespected" me

"Disrespectful" is for :roll: me :roll: to define

So anything I don't like is "disrespectful" :wink:




:| :o :mrgreen:


f**k mister redelings

f**k Amy Lee scheel b***h


"Did you get mad when Dave refused to call you by your boys name?"

If it were after 2012 and he was my boss , that would have been "discrimination"


So don't tell me , my reaction


:evil:


Tell me what you did to cause it


Penises act like they have a moral right to do whatever they want and any response other than passive aggressively tolerance is "you got mad"



:mrgreen:



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18 May 2019, 8:31 pm

Fnord wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
Did people let you get away with being angry in public?
HELL NO!

I was raised in the 1960s, when slapping a kid in public and dragging him outside to whip him with a belt would draw very little attention, and present no risk of arrest to the parent or intervention by anyone from Child Protective Services. The prevailing thought was that if parents were "disciplining" their child, then that child must damn well deserve it!

Even a softly-spoken "I don't wanna" was enough to warrant a parental slap across the face ... and no one cared.

That's harsh. Glad we don't live in those times. Anyone who says that's the way things should be can FOD for all I care.


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19 May 2019, 7:34 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
youcameandchanged wrote:
Did people let you get away with being angry in public?
HELL NO!

I was raised in the 1960s, when slapping a kid in public and dragging him outside to whip him with a belt would draw very little attention, and present no risk of arrest to the parent or intervention by anyone from Child Protective Services. The prevailing thought was that if parents were "disciplining" their child, then that child must damn well deserve it!

Even a softly-spoken "I don't wanna" was enough to warrant a parental slap across the face ... and no one cared.

That's harsh. Glad we don't live in those times. Anyone who says that's the way things should be can FOD for all I care.


I don't get mad in public since I never really had a reason to. But when I was a kid all my parents had to do was look at me and I knew to straighten up. I know how to maintain a significant lvl of apathy while dealing with stuff in public. Mostly such things take a lot of effort for the most part.



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21 May 2019, 11:27 am

Like others, I knew better than to lose my cool in public with my parents. I once got angry at an ex-girlfriend in high school and she told everyone I was a psycho and that she was scared I was going to hit her. None of the girls at school would speak to me for a couple of weeks.



youcameandchanged
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13 Aug 2019, 6:50 am

My backstory: I was born with a short fuse. No trauma made me like that, I was just born with a low frustration threshold. You probably have this picture in mind of someone who was incapable of being calm, but I was calm most of the time, I just didn't know any way to express my anger other than publicly breaking down. But I got way too old to get away with getting angry in public. So I learned how to bottle up my emotions, but after some time when I noticed it didn't improve my life, I gave up on doing that and when I first heard of the idea that I didn't constantly have to keep all my feelings inside, I wanted to go back to my old self. However, I'm aware that I do sometimes have to bottle my emotions, and so I can't just go back to my old self, but at the same time, I'm afraid of the threat of living a fake life yet again, which means that every time somebody tells me to be more polite or less blunt or something, I think to myself, "Oh well, I guess it's back to the sunken place yet again. :("