I don't think I'm that different from everybody else my age

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Biskit69
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14 Aug 2018, 5:12 pm

I have more difficulty understanding social cues and stuff, like basic aspie stuff. But I can get along well with almost anybody my age or a little bit older. And nobody seems to call me "different". Is this normal for an aspie?


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14 Aug 2018, 5:45 pm

Just because you're an Aspie it doesn't mean you are completely unable to socially connect with others. I'm not the best socialiser, but I do often find myself having healthy social/emotional connections with most people. Even as a child I remember having the same sort of connections with other children, even though sometimes I seemed on a different wavelength. But not all the time.


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kraftiekortie
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14 Aug 2018, 5:52 pm

I believe: the older a person gets, the more ability a person has to appreciate "difference," and to see commonalities between others, even when there are superficial differences in something like physical looks and more abstract things.

It's "normal" for a teenaged Aspie to have difficulties....because teenagers usually have more difficulty with people different than themselves than older people. As one gets older, one tends to experience less scorn, in general, from others.

It's really a product of "growing up," in my opinion.



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14 Aug 2018, 6:22 pm

Biskit69 wrote:
I have more difficulty understanding social cues and stuff, like basic aspie stuff. But I can get along well with almost anybody my age or a little bit older. And nobody seems to call me "different". Is this normal for an aspie?

You don't say what your age is.

It may be a function of age. It's also a function of the severity of the autism.


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Trogluddite
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14 Aug 2018, 7:08 pm

Even if your ability to socialise is similar to other people your age, there may still be a very important difference; the amount of effort that it takes. People can only respond to the behaviour that they can see from the outside, but this doesn't necessarily mean that you are achieving that behaviour by using your brain in the same way.

You say that you have more difficulty understanding social cues. In trying to work out how to understand those cues, you might be using conscious, analytical thinking where a non-autistic person would rely on subconscious instincts; but the answer you get in the end might be exactly the same, and so you still deduce how to behave acceptably. Getting the same result by a different method in this way might apply to all sorts of social situations where you perform well, and possibly without you even realising it, because learning to do that was just part of adapting to your environment when you were growing up.

The traits of some autistic people make it impossible for them to seem non-autistic, no matter how hard they might try. But for others, the unusual inner workings of their mind are barely noticed because their outward behaviour is totally acceptable to most other people. However, the extra energy needed to do this can be very draining, which is why it is common for many autistic people to find socialising more tiring than other people do, even to the point of complete exhaustion for some of us (sometimes called "autistic burnout".)

Having said all that, I would try not to spend too long analysing these differences (and similarities) unless they are giving you a problem. It sounds as if you are getting along well with your friends and peers, and that is what really matters at the end of the day.


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14 Aug 2018, 8:03 pm

i also got along pretty well with casual friends. Even to the point of doing overnights at other people's homes. But, I got diagnosed after getting married, as she had to know why I was "different." The diagnoses really helped our marriage.



Biskit69
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14 Aug 2018, 11:30 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe: the older a person gets, the more ability a person has to appreciate "difference," and to see commonalities between others, even when there are superficial differences in something like physical looks and more abstract things.

It's "normal" for a teenaged Aspie to have difficulties....because teenagers usually have more difficulty with people different than themselves than older people. As one gets older, one tends to experience less scorn, in general, from others.

It's really a product of "growing up," in my opinion.

I'm 13 though... And I've been this way since I was 8 (even though my social skills got a little better by the time I was 10)


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Biskit69
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14 Aug 2018, 11:32 pm

Trogluddite wrote:
Even if your ability to socialise is similar to other people your age, there may still be a very important difference; the amount of effort that it takes. People can only respond to the behaviour that they can see from the outside, but this doesn't necessarily mean that you are achieving that behaviour by using your brain in the same way.

You say that you have more difficulty understanding social cues. In trying to work out how to understand those cues, you might be using conscious, analytical thinking where a non-autistic person would rely on subconscious instincts; but the answer you get in the end might be exactly the same, and so you still deduce how to behave acceptably. Getting the same result by a different method in this way might apply to all sorts of social situations where you perform well, and possibly without you even realising it, because learning to do that was just part of adapting to your environment when you were growing up.

The traits of some autistic people make it impossible for them to seem non-autistic, no matter how hard they might try. But for others, the unusual inner workings of their mind are barely noticed because their outward behaviour is totally acceptable to most other people. However, the extra energy needed to do this can be very draining, which is why it is common for many autistic people to find socialising more tiring than other people do, even to the point of complete exhaustion for some of us (sometimes called "autistic burnout".)

Having said all that, I would try not to spend too long analysing these differences (and similarities) unless they are giving you a problem. It sounds as if you are getting along well with your friends and peers, and that is what really matters at the end of the day.

It isn't that hard for me anymore though, it used to be.


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kraftiekortie
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15 Aug 2018, 6:58 am

If you’re 13 and getting along well, you’re way ahead of the curve.

When I was 13, my life was in the toilet.

Count your blessings. Don’t overanalyze.



rick42
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15 Aug 2018, 10:08 am

Trogluddite wrote:
Even if your ability to socialise is similar to other people your age, there may still be a very important difference; the amount of effort that it takes. People can only respond to the behaviour that they can see from the outside, but this doesn't necessarily mean that you are achieving that behaviour by using your brain in the same way.

You say that you have more difficulty understanding social cues. In trying to work out how to understand those cues, you might be using conscious, analytical thinking where a non-autistic person would rely on subconscious instincts; but the answer you get in the end might be exactly the same, and so you still deduce how to behave acceptably. Getting the same result by a different method in this way might apply to all sorts of social situations where you perform well, and possibly without you even realising it, because learning to do that was just part of adapting to your environment when you were growing up.

The traits of some autistic people make it impossible for them to seem non-autistic, no matter how hard they might try. But for others, the unusual inner workings of their mind are barely noticed because their outward behaviour is totally acceptable to most other people. However, the extra energy needed to do this can be very draining, which is why it is common for many autistic people to find socialising more tiring than other people do, even to the point of complete exhaustion for some of us (sometimes called "autistic burnout".)

Having said all that, I would try not to spend too long analysing these differences (and similarities) unless they are giving you a problem. It sounds as if you are getting along well with your friends and peers, and that is what really matters at the end of the day.


I don't understand why autistic people say they are not that much different than everyone else.We are actually vastly different than anyone else and it honesty make extremely difficult or maybe even next to impossible for a Autistic person to be friends with a NT person.Yes.There's a thing called autistic burnout from socializing,which is one of the reason why a lot of Autistic people tend to not have the need for friendships or romantic relationships unlike the rest of the population,which that alone make Autistic people vastly different.If we do want friendships or romantic relationships,we tend to want friendships with other Aspies/Autistic people ,including myself. Personally, I don't why get why Autistic/Aspie people say that we are not vastly different from everyone else when it's actually reality that we are vastly different and honestly,NT's show Aspies/Autistic people that we are vastly different from them everyday by not inviting us to anything,not willing to to become our friend,not even trying to get to know us,excluding us,etc.



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15 Aug 2018, 10:14 am

rick42 wrote:
Personally, I don't why get why Autistic/Aspie people say that we are not vastly different from everyone else when it's actually reality that we are vastly different and honestly,NT's show Aspies/Autistic that we are vast different from them everyday by not inviting us to anything,not willing to to become our friend,not even trying to get to know us,excluding us,etc.

This is an example of the thought fallacy "It seems this way to me so it must be true universally." You have a lot of cognitive distortions, rick. It would be helpful to you and to those who converse with you if you could become aware of this, but I'm not holding my breath.

I suspect you do feel really vastly different than NTs and I believe you when you say you don't get invited to things. This is not true for every autistic person. Try to remember that everyone, autistic or NT, is different from everyone else including those in their category.


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16 Aug 2018, 7:56 am

Bizkit, I'm glad you are feeling "not that different." Each of us has a different journey through this life. I assume you have weathered many of the challenges that kids with autism have. You probably have had good emotional support and some help with handling autism symptoms. Good luck to you.


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16 Aug 2018, 3:16 pm

rick42 wrote:
Trogluddite wrote:
Even if your ability to socialise is similar to other people your age, there may still be a very important difference; the amount of effort that it takes. People can only respond to the behaviour that they can see from the outside, but this doesn't necessarily mean that you are achieving that behaviour by using your brain in the same way.

You say that you have more difficulty understanding social cues. In trying to work out how to understand those cues, you might be using conscious, analytical thinking where a non-autistic person would rely on subconscious instincts; but the answer you get in the end might be exactly the same, and so you still deduce how to behave acceptably. Getting the same result by a different method in this way might apply to all sorts of social situations where you perform well, and possibly without you even realising it, because learning to do that was just part of adapting to your environment when you were growing up.

The traits of some autistic people make it impossible for them to seem non-autistic, no matter how hard they might try. But for others, the unusual inner workings of their mind are barely noticed because their outward behaviour is totally acceptable to most other people. However, the extra energy needed to do this can be very draining, which is why it is common for many autistic people to find socialising more tiring than other people do, even to the point of complete exhaustion for some of us (sometimes called "autistic burnout".)

Having said all that, I would try not to spend too long analysing these differences (and similarities) unless they are giving you a problem. It sounds as if you are getting along well with your friends and peers, and that is what really matters at the end of the day.


I don't understand why autistic people say they are not that much different than everyone else.We are actually vastly different than anyone else and it honesty make extremely difficult or maybe even next to impossible for a Autistic person to be friends with a NT person.Yes.There's a thing called autistic burnout from socializing,which is one of the reason why a lot of Autistic people tend to not have the need for friendships or romantic relationships unlike the rest of the population,which that alone make Autistic people vastly different.If we do want friendships or romantic relationships,we tend to want friendships with other Aspies/Autistic people ,including myself. Personally, I don't why get why Autistic/Aspie people say that we are not vastly different from everyone else when it's actually reality that we are vastly different and honestly,NT's show Aspies/Autistic people that we are vastly different from them everyday by not inviting us to anything,not willing to to become our friend,not even trying to get to know us,excluding us,etc.


Autistic people are different in fundamental ways from non autistic people. This does not necessarily preclude friendship. Vastly different people not only do become friends, sometimes they get married.


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16 Aug 2018, 4:19 pm

My social skills and opportunities to socialize have grown quite a bit in the last five years. I have come to the realization, however, that it may be too late for me to do a lot of things.