Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Estrangement from Family

Page 1 of 2 [ 29 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

imdoneone
Raven
Raven

Joined: 30 May 2018
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 119
Location: Bronx, NY, United States

23 Dec 2018, 6:20 pm

How does someone with autism feel when they're estranged from their own family?



grahambaster
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jan 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 439
Location: Upper Midwest, USA

23 Dec 2018, 6:28 pm

I don't know, although they might feel sad.


_________________
Friends ♥ Forever Internet Radio ~ Wherever Particular People Congregate


TUF
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,464

23 Dec 2018, 6:32 pm

I only talk to my dad via text because he has a tendency to pick fights in public and it's dangerous and I don't know how to stop him.
I still love him but I can't cope.
I feel bad because I have to lie to him. I moved fairly close to my home town, he lives in my home town. I have to lie to him about where I live and lying is hard. Instead of actively lying, I simply didn't tell him when I moved house and tell him things like 'I want to open my present on Christmas day, take it to Granddad's' or 'I'm in [new town] on Saturday, I'll post your card then'.
So my lie is silence and true statements which can be misinterpreted.
I think I feel guiltier about this than an NT would. Because an NT would think everyone is meant to act 'normal' or be ostracised. I don't think that but I do think there's a time when if you're acting violently, people should have a choice about interacting with you or not depending on if they can handle it.
We have a better relationship via text than we ever did face to face but I fear the day in which he finds out it's all a huge lie. I just don't want to see him again face to face because of fear.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

23 Dec 2018, 8:53 pm

How do you feel about the Beat Generation writers, TUF?



tentoedsloth
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2011
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 67
Location: South Carolina, USA

23 Dec 2018, 9:51 pm

All of the family I was born into is dead. I didn't keep up with my distant relatives and haven't been able to get back into their lives, after maybe 2 or 3 tries a year or more ago (now, I'm happy I didn't, as I'm coming to love solitude. Their disinterest did hurt at first.) My son has HFA and our communication is rather limited, but okay. He lives 6 or 8 states away and we rarely visit, not as much as yearly.

It's weirdest around the big family holidays. Everybody else seems to be in this big frenzy while my life goes on the same day after day.

I hate it when some cheery person asks, "What are your plans for the holidays?" I don't mind being alone any more, but I dislike saying "I don't have any plans." I usually just say something like, "Nothing much; how about you?"


_________________
Adult son officially diagnosed with Asperger's (has a job and lives alone in an apartment), and I have some symptoms, but I now think I don't really "have it," so disregard any of my posts where that matters.


TUF
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,464

24 Dec 2018, 4:51 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
How do you feel about the Beat Generation writers, TUF?


I don't like their politics but I like things about them such as their styles, especially Howl. I also like/use writing techniques such as the cut-up technique.
I'm trying to avoid talking politics on the literature forum for the simple reason that demographic politics (of which class is a demographic but for whatever reason the working class seem less socialist than the middle class?) Everything else seems to be determined by one's own demographics.
Demographically I feel like the redheaded stepchild of white privilege versus the anti-colonial movement, and of socialism versus capitalism. And I'm not going into 21st century and the opinion that I have 'male privilege' according to it... it's lost its grounding in material realities and become postmodern.
I like postmodern fiction but not postmodern philosophy. I like my philosophy to be more grounded.
This has little to do with estrangement from family though, at least for me.



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

24 Dec 2018, 8:12 am

imdoneone wrote:
How does someone with autism feel when they're estranged from their own family?


Relieved, lonesome, and curious.



starcats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 531

25 Dec 2018, 5:47 pm

I agree with relieved and lonely, especially today.



sorrowfairiewhisper
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset

25 Dec 2018, 5:53 pm

People that are neurotypicals think they lack empathy but aspies are very deep. I dont think , depending on the individual of course, they can handle it as well as a neurotypicals but any estrangement is hard.



Prometheus18
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2018
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,866

25 Dec 2018, 6:03 pm

At times when I've been estranged from my family, I felt it a pleasant burden off my shoulders, to be honest.



blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,234

25 Dec 2018, 7:48 pm

Relief. Happy.


_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 59,836
Location: Stendec

25 Dec 2018, 7:49 pm

imdoneone wrote:
How does someone with autism feel when they're estranged from their own family?
Angry, frustrated, lonely, and very sad.



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,742

25 Dec 2018, 7:57 pm

There are a lot of autistics

They feel different emotions



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,121
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

25 Dec 2018, 9:40 pm

I NEVER had a close relationship with anyone in my family including my parents when I lived with them. I only see my parents 3x a year since I moved across the country to be with my girlfriend. My parents make one trip up here & I go back down 2wice a year. I call my parents about ever 4 days cuz they want me to. We talk for maybe half an hour & they do most of the talking. I never call the rest of my family & I usually don't see anyone but my parents when I go down except for my grandparents, grandma now cuz my grandpa died about a year ago. I didn't make his funereal & I didn't make my aunt's when she died around this ThanxGiving. I think I'd be considered estranged from my extended family & I might even be considered estranged from my parents but not sure about that one. It doesn't really bother me for the most part & like I said I NEVER had a close realtionship with anyone in my family so it is what it is. I spend alot of my time with my girlfriend & that's what works for me.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

25 Dec 2018, 9:52 pm

nick007 wrote:
I NEVER had a close relationship with anyone in my family including my parents when I lived with them. I only see my parents 3x a year since I moved across the country to be with my girlfriend. My parents make one trip up here & I go back down 2wice a year. I call my parents about ever 4 days cuz they want me to. We talk for maybe half an hour & they do most of the talking. I never call the rest of my family & I usually don't see anyone but my parents when I go down except for my grandparents, grandma now cuz my grandpa died about a year ago. I didn't make his funereal & I didn't make my aunt's when she died around this ThanxGiving. I think I'd be considered estranged from my extended family & I might even be considered estranged from my parents but not sure about that one. It doesn't really bother me for the most part & like I said I NEVER had a close realtionship with anyone in my family so it is what it is. I spend alot of my time with my girlfriend & that's what works for me.


Gosh, that sounds cozy. I stopped asking my parents for advice before I got to school. It was like living with assigned roommates one couldn't change. I didn't return from a summer job at 17, and lost track of my dad for a couple of years. I did look him up, but he was busy, and asked me to come back the next month, but died first. In my 40s, I discovered Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, and contacted my sister for the first time in 20 years. She said she knew, but hadn't told me. I wrote to mother four times a year, and on her deathbed, she asked why I had not gone back to school. She didn't know that dad had set impossible conditions for that. Her last words to me were "Don't call me, I'll call you."
My counsellor says I have an attachment disorder. I've had many relationships, but they don't last.



Galadnarthiel
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 8 Dec 2018
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: Somewhere in the Middle of Earth

27 Dec 2018, 3:37 pm

I live with my family but feel estranged from them on a daily basis.

This song explains it better than I know how.


_________________
For I do not want you to be unaware of the affliction I experienced. For I was so utterly burdened beyond my strength that I despaired of life itself. Indeed, I felt that I had received the sentence of death.

But that was to make me rely not on myself but on God who raises the dead. He delivered me from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver me. On him I have set my hope that he will deliver me again.

2 Corinthians 1:7-10, Holy Bible