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Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 3:30 pm

**i posted this in the women's discussion board aswell, but haven't gotten any response so I'm posting here, too. I'm warning you that its very long and i really apologize for that. If you could take the time to read it and help me out, it would help me to be able to make a decision on whether or not to move forward. Thanks in advance***

Hey all.
I have been putting off posting here because i have been so unsure about this.. but i can't let this go until i get the opinion and advice from those who might be able to help me.

Lss. All of my life i have known there was something "different" about me. I've been diagnosed with a few different things in my life which.. sometimes they make a little bit of sense but other times they don't make sense at all. I was diagnosed with "social anxiety disorder" "severe anxiety disorder" "possible bipolar" and have been told i have control issues bordering ocd. Depression and ptsd. Etc. It goes on.

I've been diagnosed with so many things and none of them have been my "aha". I really want to go super deep and tell you my life story but I've created a list of things i can relate to based off of this chart i found online about some symptoms of asd in females and wow. I just feel like i relate to so many of them .

I would love to elaborate on all of them and i would post a link but i can't because I'm new. Lol

Here is my explanation though.

I have sensory issues, especially with touch and clothes. My husband who has ASD loves cuddling and i can't stand it. Only a couple of minutes at a time and then i feel trapped and i start to feel overwhelmed. Which is odd because i really love sex (but cannot stand certain parts of my body being touched. Like my boobs. Nursing my daughter was super hard but i stuck it through and exclusively breastfed her). As for clothes I sleep naked because that's the only time its semi-
appropriate to be naked, and i mostly wear shorts and tank tops. If i do have to dress up nicely i only wear certain materials, or certain fit styles of clothing. But mostly for just the average grocery trip i wear the most comfortable thing. Usually stretchy pants and a t-shirt. If they aren't clean.. i may even wash them so i don't have to wear my other clothes. I stim. I never knew there was a term for the things i do until i dove deeper into the ASD research. For example, when i am anxious or overwhelmed, i will rub my toes together haha (so odd to admit out loud) i grind my teeth. Tap my feet, or nails, i rub my face, hum, or do this weird thing where i press my knuckle into my gums. I can't explain it, but trying to makes me feel like an animal haha. I have issues with friends.. as in i have none. Except online. I have a couple of long distance friends but sometimes I just don't talk to them for a period of time and then i feel so bad. Its not that i don't value them... i just got tired of the constant talking and then unintentionally ghosted for the most part. I never ever talk about myself and maybe thats why its so exhuasting? After several people telling me i talk about myself too much, i just did the extreme opposite and never talk about myself. It makes my current friends doubt that I am open and honest with them, but when i do give in and start talking about myself or the things i like they get bored, i suppose, and the conversation usually just goes cold. Making friends hey? Quite the ordeal. Anyway. Point being, most every friend i make leaves. Always telling me I'm "too much" whatever that means. Also when socializing, or rather after, i will come home and replay conversations in my head, sometimes even out loud (if no one is around) and think about all the things i should've said differently or wondering if i offended someone. I remake the faces i made in conversation and look in the mirror and see if they looked normal or too dramatic. Small talk is the worst. I have a set list of things that i ask if small talk comes up, and if i get to the end of that list... i just go blank. I just feel like im being fake most of the time. Constantly trying to fit in. The only person who i can truly be myself around, is my husband. He accepts me and never questions me or makes me feel weird. He makes me feel "normal". I have a lot of anxiety and fears and a couple of very strong life controlling phobias. I'm introverted i definitely prefer the confines of my own home or going out for a couple of hours with my husband and our baby, but going out with friends is so anxiety inducing and i feel so fake.. and just super conscious of everything around me all the time. Its exhausting. I don't have a special interest per se, but i do love certain movies or books that i rewatch or reread over and over, several times a month, they help me in a way that i can't explain. They just make me feel good. I cannot hold down a job. I am also super afraid of working. Thank God for my husband, for although he has ASD, and doesn't necessarily like working, he does it to take care of me and our little one. Im also very controlling, i guess. Certain things have to be done a certain way or i just have to redo it. I feel stressed when the things i planned to happen, don't happen.

Oh my goodness... i could go on and on and on but i just made this post because i feel like i could have ASD... and i know nothing replaces a professional diagnosis but, as a one income family, i don't want to spend the money on that if there isn't any solid reason to do it. You know? I feel like a professional diagnosis would bring some closure but also help my to finally have a sense of identity and understanding of my own self. I'm just constantly questioning myself, and i just want to know.

I know this was super long. But if you did manage to read the whole book, lol, please let me know what you think. Or ask me any question if i wasn't specific enough. I'm an open book. Probably too open. I don't generally understand the social etiquette of when and what to say and how much is too much. Lol.

Thank you very much in advance. :)



BTDT
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17 Jan 2019, 3:35 pm

You could lurk on this site and see if there is anything that may apply to you. Then try it out and see if it helps or not. You pretty much have to do this anyway, whether you have a diagnosis or not, unless you get a super detailed diagnoses from a research study.



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17 Jan 2019, 3:38 pm

No one on this website is qualified to render a valid diagnosis. If you are seeking a valid diagnosis, then you need to contact an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional, who will likely interview you and your parents, and subject you to a small battery of tests (mostly written).

Self-diagnosis is fraught with error, as there are disorders that can alter your perceptions of your symptoms in both severity and frequency. There is also the issue of cognitive bias -- you may have already decided that you are autistic, thus making you see only those symptoms that fit your diagnosis while ignoring the symptoms that indicate another condition.

Consult an appropriate professional.



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17 Jan 2019, 3:40 pm

Welcome to WP.

There are some here who self diagnose and hopefully they will chime in with their experiences.

I'm not sure there are any benefits to an Adult ASD diagnosis except maybe getting extra help with your comorbids and piece of mind but if you can get piece of mind with self diagnosis why pay.


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Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 3:57 pm

BTDT wrote:
You could lurk on this site and see if there is anything that may apply to you. Then try it out and see if it helps or not. You pretty much have to do this anyway, whether you have a diagnosis or not, unless you get a super detailed diagnoses from a research study.



Thank you very much for your advice!



Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 4:00 pm

Fnord wrote:
No one on this website is qualified to render a valid diagnosis. If you are seeking a valid diagnosis, then you need to contact an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional, who will likely interview you and your parents, and subject you to a small battery of tests (mostly written).

Self-diagnosis is fraught with error, as there are disorders that can alter your perceptions of your symptoms in both severity and frequency. There is also the issue of cognitive bias -- you may have already decided that you are autistic, thus making you see only those symptoms that fit your diagnosis while ignoring the symptoms that indicate another condition.

Consult an appropriate professional.


Thank you, this is very helpful. Unfortunately the parental opinions wouldnt happen because i was raised in foster care mostly. Moved around a lot. I wonder if that would make a diagnosis to anything more difficult because the only opinion is my own? They could ask my husband. Hes been here the longest.



Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 4:03 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Welcome to WP.

There are some here who self diagnose and hopefully they will chime in with their experiences.

I'm not sure there are any benefits to an Adult ASD diagnosis except maybe getting extra help with your comorbids and piece of mind but if you can get piece of mind with self diagnosis why pay.



Thank you, that is a good point. I guess I'm worried about wrongly diagnosing myself and maybe being affected by something different.
But your comment is helpful and i do hope some others who have self diagnosed chime in too!



Fnord
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17 Jan 2019, 4:37 pm

Elian93 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
No one on this website is qualified to render a valid diagnosis. If you are seeking a valid diagnosis, then you need to contact an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional, who will likely interview you and your parents, and subject you to a small battery of tests (mostly written). Self-diagnosis is fraught with error, as there are disorders that can alter your perceptions of your symptoms in both severity and frequency. There is also the issue of cognitive bias -- you may have already decided that you are autistic, thus making you see only those symptoms that fit your diagnosis while ignoring the symptoms that indicate another condition. Consult an appropriate professional.
Thank you, this is very helpful. Unfortunately the parental opinions wouldnt happen because i was raised in foster care mostly. Moved around a lot. I wonder if that would make a diagnosis to anything more difficult because the only opinion is my own? They could ask my husband. Hes been here the longest.
That might work. My mother thought that the questionnaire was for my security clearance. I don't have the heart to tell her otherwise.



Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 5:07 pm

Fnord wrote:
Elian93 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
No one on this website is qualified to render a valid diagnosis. If you are seeking a valid diagnosis, then you need to contact an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional, who will likely interview you and your parents, and subject you to a small battery of tests (mostly written). Self-diagnosis is fraught with error, as there are disorders that can alter your perceptions of your symptoms in both severity and frequency. There is also the issue of cognitive bias -- you may have already decided that you are autistic, thus making you see only those symptoms that fit your diagnosis while ignoring the symptoms that indicate another condition. Consult an appropriate professional.
Thank you, this is very helpful. Unfortunately the parental opinions wouldnt happen because i was raised in foster care mostly. Moved around a lot. I wonder if that would make a diagnosis to anything more difficult because the only opinion is my own? They could ask my husband. Hes been here the longest.
That might work. My mother thought that the questionnaire was for my security clearance. I don't have the heart to tell her otherwise.


Thank you!
If it makes you feel more comfortable to not tell her, and so long as her not knowing doesn't hurt her (or you), then there is no wrong in that.



SaveFerris
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17 Jan 2019, 6:08 pm

Elian93 wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
Welcome to WP.

There are some here who self diagnose and hopefully they will chime in with their experiences.

I'm not sure there are any benefits to an Adult ASD diagnosis except maybe getting extra help with your comorbids and piece of mind but if you can get piece of mind with self diagnosis why pay.



Thank you, that is a good point. I guess I'm worried about wrongly diagnosing myself and maybe being affected by something different.
But your comment is helpful and i do hope some others who have self diagnosed chime in too!


This is the reason I went the professional route , I was worried about my cognitive bias plus it's free in the UK if you are willing to wait.


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Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 6:43 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Elian93 wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
Welcome to WP.

There are some here who self diagnose and hopefully they will chime in with their experiences.

I'm not sure there are any benefits to an Adult ASD diagnosis except maybe getting extra help with your comorbids and piece of mind but if you can get piece of mind with self diagnosis why pay.



Thank you, that is a good point. I guess I'm worried about wrongly diagnosing myself and maybe being affected by something different.
But your comment is helpful and i do hope some others who have self diagnosed chime in too!


This is the reason I went the professional route , I was worried about my cognitive bias plus it's free in the UK if you are willing to wait.


I'm worried about my own bias as well. I don't necessarily want to self diagnose. I just wonder if i have enough information to bring to a psychyiatrist/psychologist/diagnostitician.



jimmy m
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17 Jan 2019, 7:23 pm

As someone else on this thread has said "We are not qualified to provide a diagnosis of your condition."

Having said that, it sounds like you have many of the traits of an Aspie (someone with Asperger's Syndrome now called High Functioning Autistic).

If you search the internet, you may find some on-line test to confirm this.

Also female Aspies have different traits than male Aspies, and you might understand the differences.

When you said

Quote:
Also when socializing, or rather after, i will come home and replay conversations in my head, sometimes even out loud (if no one is around) and think about all the things i should've said differently or wondering if i offended someone. I remake the faces i made in conversation and look in the mirror and see if they looked normal or too dramatic. Small talk is the worst. I have a set list of things that i ask if small talk comes up, and if i get to the end of that list... i just go blank.
That is one of the traits of female Aspies. They tend to psychoanalyze themselves to the tenth degree.

Quote:
I just feel like im being fake most of the time. Constantly trying to fit in. i feel so fake.. and just super conscious of everything around me all the time. Its exhausting.
This is called masking. It is very common in female Aspies and some males.

Finding comfort in repeating things (such as watching the same movie over and over again) is another Aspie trait. I like one music CD and I play it all the time when I am driving. My wife hates it, so I switch the channel over to the radio when she is in the car.

Most but not all Aspies are introverts. But that is nothing to be ashamed of - over half the people in the world are introverts and they do just fine.

Quote:
I feel stressed when the things i planned to happen, don't happen.
Aspies like routine and feel great anxiety when routine is broken or plans break down.

Also here is another recommendation. There are a number of YouTube videos on the internet by female Aspies. I suggest you watch a few. They will go into greater detail from an Aspie female perspective.


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17 Jan 2019, 7:51 pm

Elian93 wrote:
**i posted this in the women's discussion board aswell, but haven't gotten any response so I'm posting here, too.

Just so you know, cross-posting (double posting) is not allowed here. Welcome to WP. :)


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SaveFerris
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17 Jan 2019, 8:31 pm

Have you done the Aspie Quiz , it can be a good indicator - it was for me.

https://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php


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Elian93
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17 Jan 2019, 8:41 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Elian93 wrote:
**i posted this in the women's discussion board aswell, but haven't gotten any response so I'm posting here, too.

Just so you know, cross-posting (double posting) is not allowed here. Welcome to WP. :)


Thank you for letting me know!! And thank you



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17 Jan 2019, 9:00 pm

I think this forum will allow you to retract a post if you think it is in the wrong spot, so you can cut and paste it somewhere else. And you can edit/retract posts a long time after it has posted if nobody has responded to it.