How do you react to 'social rejection'?

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Planetarium
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18 Feb 2019, 12:35 am

I don't even know how this makes any sense whatsoever due to its context... I mean, under normal circumstances, social rejection would involve perhaps a former friend's rejection, right? Now, I never had many of those, so I suppose that made no difference and perhaps also it might be why I give the tiniest s**t about this, but... it just came as a surprise is all. So... was innocuously messaging another (first message ever too!) and suddenly it's labelled 'abuse'? Like, I seriously have no clue about anything with regards to this person except that they're in the military, so perhaps it's just their being their usual as*hole self? I don't suppose everyone is, but I haven't interacted with many and y'know if one happens to do with just a single one and this is the weird result, then... besides the fact, of course, that militaries generally are the mindless aggression of nations... of course.

I just hate that my life is so empty that I actually feel some nonsense when some weird s**t like this happens, I mean for f**k's sake I don't know this person from Adam, why do I suddenly have adrenaline rushing through while sleep deprived?



wrongcitizen
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18 Feb 2019, 2:38 am

I ignore things that don't matter to me, like petty rejections from people I don't care about. If I get randomly yelled at or threatened on the street I ignore it, though I keep the location or situation in mind as a future precaution because I have a tendency to get caught in sketchy situations and places. I learned that any unnecessary fear someone may have to a short or stupid confrontation is just instinctual. Any response also takes too much effort and it angers the aggressor a lot more if I say nothing. You don't really need their approval because the right friends and people do exist to give us that, we just have to know where to look.

On the other hand, I have severe anxiety issues with being trapped or unable to respond and having someone exploit, criticize, or manipulate me. I worked in a gas station and every day the same customer would come in and insult me repeatedly the whole time I was there until I left three weeks later and I couldn't say anything because I would have a hard time finding my next job. They weren't breaking any rules apparently and I was expected to meet their demands, which included things like knowing what their membership info was, knowing the names of their kids, knowing their birthday, name, etc. They had no idea I was juggling work, school, and my own life, and believed that my whole purpose was to serve them, even when I wasn't working, confronting me outside of work. That is the kind of thing I haven't yet figured out how to handle while keeping myself quiet. On top of that, Aspergers makes dealing with emotions harder. Despite me supposedly having a thick skin to observers, I'm fairly sensitive on the inside (to everything, not just confrontation/insult) and over time stuff like this leads to avoidance and hostility for me.



fluffysaurus
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18 Feb 2019, 4:45 am

Planetarium wrote:
they're in the military, so perhaps it's just their being their usual as*hole self? militaries generally are the mindless aggression of nations... of course.

Did your message contain any comments similar to the two that I have highlighted? If so then that is going to be

labeled abuse. If a first message to someone you don't know has negativity about that person or what they do it

will be assumed your trying to upset them.

First messages should be polite, they are a sign you want to get to know someone better.



Joe90
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18 Feb 2019, 5:54 am

I fear social rejection. I think it stems back from late childhood when I was horribly rejected by my peers, and it sticks with me now, only it's turned into a fear. I'm scared to be told "I wasn't talking to you" when joining in a group conversation. I class that as a form of rejection. Also I don't always know what to do when a group of my colleagues are chatting; do I go up to them and join in? I want to join in, especially if I see them laughing and joking (meaning it's not a private conversation), but I'm worried in case they might think I'm 'following' them. But if I don't join in and sit alone, they might think I'm unsociable.
Yes I got a lot of the "don't follow me" s**t at school too, when I was trying to be someone's friend. I was just so desperate to have friends and I didn't want to be seen on my own.

God I wish I was NT. :roll:


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magz
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18 Feb 2019, 8:04 am

The most of my social rejection share I received at my second school (age 10-15).
I decided - they are dumb, I'm not. I brought myself a book every day and read it for all the free time. I don't need broad social circle. Actually, I don't feel comfortable with more "friends" than I can keep track of.


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Planetarium
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18 Feb 2019, 1:06 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
Planetarium wrote:
they're in the military, so perhaps it's just their being their usual as*hole self? militaries generally are the mindless aggression of nations... of course.

Did your message contain any comments similar to the two that I have highlighted? If so then that is going to be

labeled abuse. If a first message to someone you don't know has negativity about that person or what they do it

will be assumed your trying to upset them.

First messages should be polite, they are a sign you want to get to know someone better.


No, it was an unrelated inquiry, but I also once associated it with 'politics' (even though unrelated except for funding and perhaps perception to specific parties), so they might have inferred whatever they wanted from that, but both my inquiries were neutral at best, their first reply hostile otoh.



fluffysaurus
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18 Feb 2019, 2:09 pm

Planetarium wrote:
I just hate that my life is so empty that I actually feel some nonsense when some weird s**t like this happens, I mean for f**k's sake I don't know this person from Adam, why do I suddenly have adrenaline rushing through while sleep deprived?

I don't know why either but I do this too. If I think someones annoyed with me, or misunderstood me, or there's

any kind of disagreement I feel sick, I can't sleep. It's overthinking.



livingwithautism
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18 Feb 2019, 5:06 pm

I move on. I’m pretty aloof anyway.



Dear_one
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19 Feb 2019, 11:12 pm

The adrenalin rush probably has two kickers. One is our keen sense of justice or lack thereof. The other could be the "flight" mechanism - get out of a confusing, hostile situation. I found that getting lots of exercise was very helpful for processing the reactions. I also recommend meditation as a general antidote to the overstimulation of modern life.
From time to time, you will meet people who are just having a bad day. Military men may be under great stress, but unable to react to the officers causing it, putting them on a hair trigger for any other excuse. My ex used to attack people regularly for accidentally reminding her of past abusers in any particular, such as an article of clothing.
I used to think that manners were just stupid old rules, but now I see them as handy tools for not making anyone's bad day worse, while leaving things open for improvement.



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20 Feb 2019, 11:29 pm

I take it with a grain of salt. If people can't accept me as I truly am, it's their loss and that goes for family members as well.


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21 Feb 2019, 12:31 am

IT HUETS me extremely

Smthing like that happened to me years ago on Facebook
There was some discussion aboyr a news piece which i dont even remember now
Anyway i wrote questions

essentially saying i dont know why NATO is allowed to bomb civilian areas n force thousands to evacuate n become refugees isnt that also considered terrorism?

N then they wd resent them n then it festers n what can be done?

n i wrote aboyt my personal experience with that in my birth country

(not me but at the time an entire province had to be evacuated n there were thousands of refugees n they were extremely depressed so i met a taxi driver who had to leave his family farm n saw it being bombed on tv)

Then some random military man started accusing me of bek v a muslim terrorist with lots of swear words/insults etc
I hadnt at all said anything in support of terrorism i had a completely different topic n outlook

N then he said stuff about how he was going to kill me n he went on my facebook profile n got my info n tagged his fellow soldier friend
N i explained to his friend i was like ‘im just asking a question? Im literally not educated in this n want to know??’
N then his friend private messages me n had a long char apologizing n saying his friebd had become v angry from his experiences n training
N he doesnt mean it
N he wd explain it to him etc
N it ended well

God that thing tortured my mind fr ages
The problem is a part of u feels guilty fr inciting anger in someone else n u want a logical explanation
N if u do t know the reasons n motives then u always feel a big Question mark



blooiejagwa
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21 Feb 2019, 12:33 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I take it with a grain of salt. If people can't accept me as I truly am, it's their loss and that goes for family members as well.


THat is a healthy way to look at it in my opinion but how did you attain that perspective?



blooiejagwa
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21 Feb 2019, 12:35 am

Dear_one wrote:
The adrenalin rush probably has two kickers. One is our keen sense of justice or lack thereof. The other could be the "flight" mechanism - get out of a confusing, hostile situation. I found that getting lots of exercise was very helpful for processing the reactions. I also recommend meditation as a general antidote to the overstimulation of modern life.
From time to time, you will meet people who are just having a bad day. Military men may be under great stress, but unable to react to the officers causing it, putting them on a hair trigger for any other excuse. My ex used to attack people regularly for accidentally reminding her of past abusers in any particular, such as an article of clothing.
I used to think that manners were just stupid old rules, but now I see them as handy tools for not making anyone's bad day worse, while leaving things open for improvement.


This is a great response n v beneficial