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firemonkey
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03 Mar 2019, 8:10 am

Is it something you've always been,or did happen as a result of the difficulties/stress of socially interacting ?

Quotes from my sister in something she wrote for my ASD assessment .

Quote:
Tim was not confident in engaging with people he did not know.This combined with his physical awkwardness meant he was never as I recall very social at all .


Quote:
He had no close friends in childhood or his teenage years that I am aware of.
When he was home from boarding school Tim again preferred to spend much of his time alone.



Quote:
As Tim grew to his teenage years he became more socially awkward and reclusive.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 133 of 200
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green0star
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03 Mar 2019, 8:56 am

I basically spend most if not all my time alone in that sense with no friends or social life. I got people I talk to online and that's about it



JD12345
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03 Mar 2019, 10:36 am

firemonkey wrote:
Quote:
As Tim grew to his teenage years he became more socially awkward and reclusive.


This part rings true for me too. Perhaps because I found secondary school to be far more stressful than primary school; aside from anything else it was far bigger.



redrobin62
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03 Mar 2019, 11:43 am

Yeah, I isolate. Big time. Where I fail is when I check my mail every few days or take out the garbage, then I have to talk to people. Ugh!



Edna3362
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03 Mar 2019, 12:14 pm

I'm asocial because I simply don't have the need.
I don't have a strong social drive to engage, and only do so at random times when I just felt like doing it.

It's little to do with being 'awkward', being 'shy' or lack of self-confidence, being anxious, having low self-esteem, or having too many social failures and give up on it.
The only negative circumstantial effects I have is distrust towards humans being humans. I've been asocial long before I've learnt how to distrust someone and the want to avoid people -- and I can overcome both, yet I'm still asocial.


If I have the social drive for social engagement, I would've have more friends -- and I would've have more stress as well. The 'stress' won't deter me from that... It only makes my days and time shorter.

Except I don't have the social drive nor any desire to have friends. I just don't, just like I have no interest in romance or a sense of sexual attraction. I don't fear the responsibilities, I just prefer more freedom and more time for myself.
I just let friendships happen, happen, than avoid them. But I also let it continue and grow or let it go.
Half the time, I wonder what's the point of this, and half the time it makes me happy like any bonds and relationships 'should'.



Yet, I'm more fulfilled and more content. I'm still am. At the same time, I don't sought it -- because I'm asocial, not some extreme introvert.
And that asociality came from deeper than some circumstantial stuff that most aspies experienced in childhood and teenage years.


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IsabellaLinton
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03 Mar 2019, 12:19 pm

I could live the rest of my days in seclusion, quite happily.



Trogluddite
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03 Mar 2019, 1:32 pm

I don't recall ever having much drive to seek out people's company - I was always a loner as a child, as confirmed by my Mum when she was interviewed for my assessment. So long as I had my books, Lego, computer, or whatever other interests to hand, I was always content to spend most of my free time alone. The loneliest experience is being surrounded by people that I can't interact with because I'm overwhelmed - when I'm alone, immersed in my interests, I barely remember that other people even exist most of the time.


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IsabellaLinton
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03 Mar 2019, 1:36 pm

Trogluddite wrote:
I don't recall ever having much drive to seek out people's company - I was always a loner as a child, as confirmed by my Mum when she was interviewed for my assessment. So long as I had my books, Lego, computer, or whatever other interests to hand, I was always content to spend most of my free time alone. The loneliest experience is being surrounded by people that I can't interact with because I'm overwhelmed - when I'm alone, immersed in my interests, I barely remember that other people even exist most of the time.


I'm curious. How did your mother feel about you being a loner? Was she concerned? My mother thought it was great because she could ignore me without interacting whatsoever. She could clean the house and leave me by myself with a book without any regard to my emotional welfare! Good times!



Trogluddite
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03 Mar 2019, 1:48 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm curious. How did your mother feel about you being a loner?

It's become pretty clear since my assessment, that my Mum and several other family members on the maternal side share quite a lot of my traits - particularly her younger brother (i.e. my uncle.) My Dad seemed very concerned that I wasn't out playing football with the other boys etc., and did used to give me a hard time about it; after he left following my parents' divorce, we were essentially estranged for the rest of his life. To my Mum, on the other hand, I seemed relatively "normal" I think - she likes to immerse herself in crafts, socialises rather under duress, has the same issues with her sleep, etc., and often noted similarities between me and her brother as a boy. She always understood my need for isolation after hectic schooldays, and so on. I was very fortunate in that respect, I think; though I get the impression that she found my younger, non-autistic brother a bit of a handful at times!


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ElabR8Aspie
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03 Mar 2019, 2:05 pm

I've always been a loner and did my own thing.

Growing up,i often romanticized about being a monk,alone and surrounded by books.

Something cosy about a library,it feels like home.

NT's i view as alien,can't be direct and tell the truth and spend there days on meaningless small talk.


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You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." --Ralph Waldo Emerson


IsabellaLinton
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03 Mar 2019, 2:14 pm

Trogluddite wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm curious. How did your mother feel about you being a loner?

It's become pretty clear since my assessment, that my Mum and several other family members on the maternal side share quite a lot of my traits - particularly her younger brother (i.e. my uncle.) My Dad seemed very concerned that I wasn't out playing football with the other boys etc., and did used to give me a hard time about it; after he left following my parents' divorce, we were essentially estranged for the rest of his life. To my Mum, on the other hand, I seemed relatively "normal" I think - she likes to immerse herself in crafts, socialises rather under duress, has the same issues with her sleep, etc., and often noted similarities between me and her brother as a boy. She always understood my need for isolation after hectic schooldays, and so on. I was very fortunate in that respect, I think; though I get the impression that she found my younger, non-autistic brother a bit of a handful at times!


That's interesting. You're lucky to have been raised by your mother in that safe environment. My experience was the opposite because my mother is NT and extremely busy. She carried on with her own superfluous lifestyle and ignored me when I couldn't keep up to her standards. In contrast, my father was ASD and very quiet. They were married and not divorced like your parents, but my father worked a lot and wasn't home. My father passed away many years ago during my adulthood, so I've only had the influence of my mother since then. I'm still ignored, but I live alone so that's fine by me.



warrier120
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03 Mar 2019, 2:18 pm

I tend to be asocial, but I CAN feel lonely if I am by myself for too long. At school, I usually sit not with people, but among them. People such as my teachers expect me to be more social than I usually am, but they usually don't know that I've had my feeling hurt many times by those I tried to be friendly to.

I never really felt the need to be as social as a non-autistic person, and a series of friendship rejections throughout my life has made me even less willing to be NT society's definition of social.


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IsabellaLinton
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03 Mar 2019, 2:28 pm

warrier120 wrote:
I tend to be asocial, but I CAN feel lonely if I am by myself for too long. At school, I usually sit not with people, but among them. People such as my teachers expect me to be more social than I usually am, but they usually don't know that I've had my feeling hurt many times by those I tried to be friendly to.

I never really felt the need to be as social as a non-autistic person, and a series of friendship rejections throughout my life has made me even less willing to be NT society's definition of social.



Are you actually 15?

I had a best friend when I was 14, and when our friendship imploded I never recovered emotionally or socially.
I feel like I am still 14 years old on the inside (insecure, peer pressure, etc).
My friend tried very hard to salvage our friendship but I just couldn't keep up with NT females or their lifestyles.



warrier120
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03 Mar 2019, 2:46 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Are you actually 15?

That is true. People who meet me in real life tend to assume I'm older than my actual age because I act older at times. I had some people think I was 19-20 years old.


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AQ Score: 20

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 93 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 125 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. — Maya Angelou


Child of the Universe
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05 Mar 2019, 3:44 pm

I used to be almost asocial, but recently I have upped my passing for neurotypical game, and now I'm actually quite social, at least I seem that way. I have also managed to highly increase my empathy (emotional and cognitive) with practice.


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