[ POLL ] What Is Your Meaning Of "Support"?

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What Is Your Meaning Of "Support"?
Acknowledging that my problems are valid. 35%  35%  [ 41 ]
Calling me a stupid, worthless loser who would be better off dead. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Denying that my problems are real or valid, even to me. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Distracting me with jokes or funny images and videos. 6%  6%  [ 7 ]
Filling me in on all of the relevant facts of my problems. 15%  15%  [ 18 ]
Making the conversation all about you and your problems. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Telling me everything I’ve just told you, but in a paraphrased form. 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
Telling me that everything is going to be alright. 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
Telling me that I am a wonderful human being. 6%  6%  [ 7 ]
Telling me that I'm a whining cry-baby who needs to "Man Up". 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Telling me to seek professional help. 5%  5%  [ 6 ]
Telling to me your own similar personal experiences. 21%  21%  [ 25 ]
Other: ________________ (Please Explain.) 7%  7%  [ 8 ]
Total votes : 118

Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 2:11 pm

Then why have none of the other men in this thread given the answer that I gave?



DanielW
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15 Mar 2019, 2:17 pm

[quote="Fnord"]Then why have none of the other men in this thread given the answer that I gave? [X] Other: Offer advice that has worked for you and others several times in the past./quote]


USER ERROR: I for one missed that option.



Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 2:20 pm

DanielW wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Then why have none of the other men in this thread given the answer that I gave?
USER ERROR: I for one missed that option.
"Other:________________ (Please Explain.)" is at the bottom of the list.

Just click on that option, and explain the first thing that comes to mind (which for me is, "Offer advice...").



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15 Mar 2019, 2:24 pm

I think had I had 4 choices, I'd add that one. But I also think it falls under the category of providing information. I certainly would say "this has worked well for me in the past" or something of the sort if asked for advice. I just missed it specifically in the poll.



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15 Mar 2019, 2:46 pm

Fnord wrote:
Am I really the only member who feels driven to offer solutions, and not just acknowledgement, facts and anecdotes?


I always want to offer solutions, but most of the time I can't really think of anything, so I just end up hoping that letting someone know I sympathize will help.


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15 Mar 2019, 2:57 pm

DanielW wrote:
I think had I had 4 choices, I'd add that one. But I also think it falls under the category of providing information. I certainly would say "this has worked well for me in the past" or something of the sort if asked for advice. I just missed it specifically in the poll.

It could also fall in under "Telling to me your own similar personal experiences" IF you found a solution.

DanielW wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Am I really the only member who feels driven to offer solutions, and not just acknowledgement, facts and anecdotes?


I think its also a bit of a male vs female thing...Its a generalization, but men tend to be more solution-based and pragmatic.

There is some truth to this. Females do tend to be more oriented toward being met with understanding and talking it out in forms of feelings


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Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 3:32 pm

Well, that's gonna change for me. Other people don't want solutions. They want affirmation. But that's got to come from someone else.



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15 Mar 2019, 3:48 pm

Fnord wrote:
Well, that's gonna change for me. Other people don't want solutions. They want affirmation. But that's got to come from someone else.

So what you're saying is ... ?


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15 Mar 2019, 4:12 pm

Fnord wrote:
So far, the top three choices are:

Acknowledging that my problems are valid.
Filling me in on all of the relevant facts of my problems.
Telling to me your own similar personal experiences.


I wonder why no one else has posted the following:

[X] Other: Offer advice that has worked for you and others several times in the past.

Am I really the only member who feels driven to offer solutions, and not just acknowledgement, facts and anecdotes?


Resolving problems is a process. The first step in helping someone unknown to you (ie a first poster), is let the person know their problems are valid. (Assuming they are valid, such as "I am so sensitive to light I can't....whatever.")

Intermediate type help would include the other suggestions, offering information, facts, resources, similar experiences and what has worked for "me."

Solutions are pretty much the last thing a person suffering can deal with. Not sure exactly how to explain it, Fnord, and others may be more articulate. When one is suffering there is so much "noise" and incidentals flying around in one's head a "solution" might as well be on Mars. It takes a long time to move from problem to solution without the middle ground.

One of the truly wonderful things about the forum is that there are so many people, so many perspectives that each person has something of value to contribute. Solutions are valuable. So are all the other things people have mentioned. We can't expect that any given person will find our solution/suggestion/post fits their life.


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15 Mar 2019, 4:16 pm

blazingstar wrote:
… Solutions are valuable...
Not mine, apparently … but that's okay. Knowing that makes a world of difference in my outlook in what people post on this website -- they're not looking for advice, so why bother?



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15 Mar 2019, 4:27 pm

Fnord wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
… Solutions are valuable...
Not mine, apparently … but that's okay. Knowing that makes a world of difference in my outlook in what people post on this website -- they're not looking for advice, so why bother?


I for one like having a variety of perspectives to consider when I look for advice. That would make yours just as valuable to me...maybe even more because you've made a lot more posts here than a newbie. I take things like that into account too.



Last edited by DanielW on 15 Mar 2019, 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BeaArthur
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15 Mar 2019, 4:28 pm

Fnord wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
… Solutions are valuable...
Not mine, apparently … but that's okay. Knowing that makes a world of difference in my outlook in what people post on this website -- they're not looking for advice, so why bother?

Are we feeling underappreciated?

Many of us need the kindness of acceptance and understanding before we accept advice. You have a clear-cut view of what success is, but your success doesn't fit everyone's reality. So your advice is sometimes good, but sometimes it's just wrong for the person you are advising.

Meanwhile, why aren't you admitting how hurt you feel about all this?


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Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 4:35 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
… why aren't you admitting how hurt you feel about all this?
Because:

1) I'm not "hurt by all this" -- I am re-assessing my behavior based on new information.

2) I'm not looking for acknowledgement, advice, affirmation, anecdotes or "hugs" from anybody here.

Remember, I consider myself a survivor, and not a victim.



DanielW
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15 Mar 2019, 4:38 pm

Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
… why aren't you admitting how hurt you feel about all this?
Because:

1) I'm not "hurt by all this" -- I am re-assessing my behavior based on new information.

2) I'm not looking for acknowledgement, advice, affirmation, anecdotes or "hugs" from anybody here.

Remember, I consider myself a survivor, and not a victim.


With regard to #2, what are you looking for here? I'm curious as you seem to have ruled everything out that I come here for.



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15 Mar 2019, 4:40 pm

Fnord wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
… Solutions are valuable...
Not mine, apparently … but that's okay. Knowing that makes a world of difference in my outlook in what people post on this website -- they're not looking for advice, so why bother?

The square peg does not fit in the round hole. It is the thought that counts if your advice happens to be incompatible for the person it is meant to help. It very well may be useful to another who reads your advice and finds it helpful.


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Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 4:43 pm

DanielW wrote:
… what are you looking for here? I'm curious as you seem to have ruled everything out that I come here for.
Good question … at this specific point in time, I really don't know … that's where re-assessment becomes useful … do I have any needs that would keep me logging on to WP, or can I finally live without logging in?

:shrug: Gotta think about that one for a while...